Desperately worried about my boy who is scared about everything (just 4)

[littletinkers]

I'm finding it very hard to cope with my boy right now. I have g/b twins and his sister has always dominated. She is feisty, confident, outgoing, active, talkative. My boy is a dreamer - he usually well pretty much always doesn't listen and I have to say everything 3 or 4 times. He will only stay on the steps at swimming and maybe walk out into the water a little bit, he won't go on the zip wire or the climbing frame - he likes to go on the baby climbing frame. Whenever we go anywhere he says he doesn't want to come and has to be forced, often howling. He just likes to be at home playing with his toys. He doesn't want to get himself dressed and has only just moved from the potty. If we go to a funfair he doesn't want to go on anything... It is driving me mad and I am also very worried. He won't stand up in front of other children and do things at nursery etc etc. His great strength is that he is a very kind little boy and loves playing with other children - he is very popular. Also he is very inquisitive but... well does anyone else have/has anyone else had a child like this?

So he's kind, inquisitive and liked by other children. That's great.
He has different personality from his sister, but that's fine-he'll get there in his own time. My DS was like that and he was late to learn to ride a bike or enjoy martial arts classes etc, but he got there in the end.
I wouldn't worry at all, tbh. And don't put lots of pressure on him or compare him unfavourably to his sister.

He sounds a little treasure who loves his home and family and has great social skills. From what I recall my rugby-playing dc1 wouldn't have gone down a zip wire and hated fun-fairs at that age (H traumatised him by taking him on a toddler ferris wheel & rollercoaster) - loves them now.

I wouldn't worry. You might be noticing these things more because his sister is so different (girls are usually more 'advanced' than boys at this age). He sounds like a lovely boy, and his popularity will make his nursery environment a very friendly one - he will probably get more outgoing gradually.

There is a really good book called The Shyness Breakthrough on amazon that shows how to help your child overcome fears of this sort, would recommend it.

Be kind and reassuring to him, don't push him out of his comfort zone, and as winny says, never compare siblings in front of them.

Thanks - I think I worry about him so much as have a lot of anxiety/panic attacks issues myself and know how it can really affect quality of life. I know I am projecting my own baggage onto him I know... but well it's just worry. Will try to worry less and go at his pace a bit more. He is the cuddliest bundle in the world... (okay one of the...):)

You could be describing our DS at that age. Anxious boy seemingly scared of everything. I was so worried much like yourself.

He is almost 10 now and even though he still has fears (hospitals, fast rides, being away from us for too long) he has worked through alot of his fears himself with some reassurance and reasoning from me and DH. He is at the point where he sees his fears for what they are and how they are holding him back in many ways. It could be that your son is a little homebody who will emerge from his shell when he feels he is ready.

FWIW our DS has accepted an invitation to a friends birthday treat which is a trip to Alton Towers staying overnight at the hotel. He sat and reasoned through why he was a little apprehensive (fast rides, staying out overnight) and decided he wants to do it enough that he will try to over ride his fears.

Constant reassurance and gentle persuasion.

Sorry posted too soon.

.. Is what has worked with him it just takes patience and time.