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Original poster

Need advice on emotional DS please

8 replies

shufflebum · 06/01/2012 21:55

DS1 is 2.9 and for the last 6 months has been so emotional. He doesn't get angry and tantrum he just cries and wants cuddles. My main issue is when we go out to groups, he just doesn't want to go. We have a lovely, small (max 10 children) toddler group that we go to where he is one of the oldest and he cries as soon as we arrive. He can't explain why he is upset, if I ask why he is crying he just says he wants to because he is upset. Sad
We have the same scenario when we go to swimming or football, total emotional meltdown. To try and make things more "friendly" for him we went to football today with a friend, talked about it loads beforehand and the ladies taking the class come and do the same at his nursery and he loves it. They were gobsmacked at his behaviour as he is so enthusiastic at nursery.
I don't want to give up going to groups as it gets us out of the house and away from the television but is that selfish if he is unhappy going? What should I do when he gets upset? I have tried cuddles and reassurance and a more hardline approach with no discernable success. Today I resorted to bribery rewards and ignoring but no go there either.
I should say he is fine if we go the park, soft play, swimming etc on our own it's just groups Confused
He gets lots of one on one time and I tell him I love him and praise him for good behaviour.
Any advice, coping strategies appreciated as my patience is wearing thin!

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theseventhdwarf · 06/01/2012 22:08

I have a really emotional ds (4) and I ve tried lots ot help him some works some doesn t - for yourself take lots of deep breaths and have patience!
i d say also asking a two year old to explain his emotions is a bit too much for him ..... they really get upset but they re often unable to analyse why they are unhappy as they are so busy at being unhappy at the time!
Why not leave the groups for a month or two and try it again in a while - he might just be overwhelmed, maybe just do a few one to one play dates and forgte about the grups for a bit then reintroduce just one group per week ......

Original poster
shufflebum · 06/01/2012 22:40

I think that is the trouble, my patience is wearing thin! I get frustrated with him not being able to explain his feelings as he is so articulate in every other sense and understands emotions in others but maybe I am expecting too much. It just makes me sad that he is such a happy boy in every other way and such fun but obviously something is wrong and I can't make it right for him.

Also I get bored at home ( and DS2 is cranky unless we're out and about) as he hates craft type things, will only have stories at bedtime and doesn't like cooking so our range of activities are limited to playing with his farm, duplo, garage and dinosaurs. I will organise more friends to come round too and embrace the carnage in my house!

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BoysAreLikeDogs · 07/01/2012 10:11

yes, he is far too young to be able to make sense of his feelings IYSWIM

I would give the groups a rest til say after Easter, yes to having friends around

make sure that you go out every day with him - park/woods/beach etc (points at user name)

wrt to his play whilst at home, when you say he hates craft type things, have you tried things like gloop (cornflour and water), a tray of oats for the dinosaurs (this might be better outside on the patio), potato/veg printing? The really hard thing is to stop oneself standing over the child and directing play !

Original poster
shufflebum · 07/01/2012 20:20

Thanks for your suggestions, I think I may have made things worse in terms of getting him to explain his emotions as he now often makes things up ( I hurt my finger, I bumped my head etc) so I will stop asking!
We do go out to the park and the dog is walked every morning which he loves I guess it's the social aspect for me of seeing the same people on a regular basis that I like which I get from the groups but I will give the swimming and football a miss for a while as they are just a waste of money as I spend my time trying to get him to stop bawling and join in. I have to do the toddler group though as I help out there but he does tend to settle after his initial wobble and if I stay in sight.

Re craft stuff, anything that involves getting messy is a no go. He will just about tolerate finger prints/stamps with ink pads but insist on wiping his hands after each print! (wish he was this diligent after going to the loo!)
Gloop, shaving foam, play dough, sand pit, sticking are all shunned, even putting stickers in a book but he will happily jump in puddles and get messy in the garden Confused The dinosaurs get fed allsorts and are made homes in the bark in the garden, that is a special favourite butIfinditmindnumbinglydull!

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Original poster
shufflebum · 07/01/2012 20:21

oooh interesting strikeouts!

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theseventhdwarf · 09/01/2012 10:26

what about a play tent and balls in the tent - or balls in the pool ?
or make a tent for him to hide in? Or let him jump on pillows cushions on the floor? Make an indoor obstacle course

Original poster
shufflebum · 09/01/2012 21:44

All good ideas thanks, I had forgotten after dinosaurs that jumping on the sofa is his favourite activity!
Bit of a breakthrough today, thought I'd give swimming one last go as he seemed keen and he was great. Went in on his own and did the whole lesson without me and no tears at all. He was pleased with himself too as he kept telling me how he didn't cry!

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ilovesushi · 25/01/2012 11:01

Hi. Your DS sounds just like mine at around the same age. I started going to groups when he was only a couple of months old and went to something almost everyday but he was always terribly clingy and wept if I moved him off my knee onto the floor. Over time it got worse and he would be in floods of tears not wanting to go into the room, hall, children's centre whatever. I too did not want to be stuck at home.

My solution of sorts was to recognise groups were just not his thing. He's not anti social he just didn't and still doesn't like crowded noisy indoor environments. We spent a lot of time in parks either on our own or with friends, playing round at friends houses and A LOT of time in cafes. We both love our cappuccinos/ babycinos. We also hung out at the library at none rhymetime times. I still did the odd group and some he hated some were ok.

You have got some great factors working in your favour - he can articulate his emotions and he will get more sophisticated at this if you encourage it. Also he enjoys nursery and has kind understanding staff looking out for him.

I am reading 'Raising you spirited child' and 'The Highly sensitive child' at the moment. Both shed some light on my DS. May be helpful?

xxx

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