Bullying or sensitive child or something else? Either way - help!

[Killmenowpls]

DD is nearly 7 and has always been slightly different (to friend's children that I know). She never ran off anywhere such as shops/roads/parks when younger, always holds your hand, can sit quietly and play for ages, we never had to use child locks or anything - if you told her not to touch she wouldn't, only ever really had 1 tantrum through whole life. Hates loud noises, screams if one of our cats goes near her, won't go upstairs on her own as she seems scared, same with the bathroom, always wants someone to go with her.

She has a very strong 'right or wrong/black or white' attitude and is very into telling other children when they are being 'naughty', we have tried to dissuade this. She gets very upset if she feels someone has done something 'wrong' to her, cries and is inconsolable. She says that I and her step father 'shout' at her when we really don't at all. She also says we're being 'nasty' quite often when we're merely correcting something she has said or explaining something to her.

This is all quite wearing and now its started to transfer to school, she constantly comes home and says she is being bullied at school and that no one will play with her. With further questioning it is usually that they wouldn't play the game she wanted or how she wanted to, but to her it is real and she is devastated - crying, saying she wants to change schools etc. I can see from their point of view that trying to play with such a 'rigid' (?) child who tells tales

We've tried reading age appropriate books about being a good friend/getting along etc, tried telling her not to react when things are said to her (she is a bully's dream in terms of reacting), tried all sorts but nothing seems to be working.

Any ideas? How can we make her less sensitive? Should we even try anyway to change her? Has anyone else got dc like this?

Right up until the bullying thing your DD sounds exactly like my DD1 - she is such a "good" girl, her worst nightmare would be being told off by teacher and she doesn't take criticism of any sort at all well (to the point that if we praise her and tell her she is getting better at something she'll burst into tears because in her eyes we didn't think she was very good before). Have you spoken with the school about it? With our DD1 school picked up quickly that she lacked self-confidence, and it was often fear of failure that made her so worried. She's had some wonderful teachers who have worked their magic with her and her self confidence is improving no end.

Gin - thank you for that, its good to know we're not alone We've got a meeting with the teacher next week so will see what they say then.

The problem is she comes across as very confident, will do a speech in the xmas play/assemblies etc but underneath she seems incredibly anxious all the time. She definitely has the fear of failure thing, once she's tried something once like bowling say, she's then fine, but she doesn't want to the first time at all.

I'm thinking of taking her to the dr to see what he says re the anxiety, its horrible to see her with so much on her 'plate' when she's 7! She takes every worry on herself its really strange.

I've never considered the doctor - I don't see it as a medical thing, just part of who she is. Funny how DD2 seems to be completely different, she's just 2 and already she's much more confident than DD1 - in the sense that she has no fear of running off in the playground etc etc

Our dd2 sounds exactly like your dd2 too! Totally fearless, runs around madly.

Reason for dr was just because someone suggested that it might be something like Aspergers? No idea if symptoms are even remotely like that I haven't googled

I obviously can't speak for your DD, and don't know much about Aspergers - but I think that DD1 is just a sensitive soul who needs lots of reassurance. She's doing really well in every other respect - clever in school, great with her little sister, good social skills etc. If you think it's more than that with your DD then maybe Dr would be good idea?

She sounds quite like my dd(9) too. Not sure what advice to give except try to accept that she'll have strengths and weaknesses and praise when you can to build her self-esteem. My dd does tae known do and working her way through the belts, doing gradings, seems to have boosted her belief in herself. I sympathise with the criticism thing, sometimes she takes things I say completely the wrong way and we all end up frustrated.

I've considered Aspergers too, since my dd doesn't like cuddles or affection either. But I think they're a bit young to really separate that from personality quirks really.

Can you invite someone from her class round to play to help her make a good friend? From my experience a lot of kids their age are quite rigid and stubborn when it comes to playing.

Good luck, hope things improve. X

She has quite a few play dates and they're always fine. She's much happier in a one on one situation.

We spoke briefly to the teacher tonight, I'd written in the homework book yesterday about it so the teacher asked the dinner ladies other teachers etc. today to see if they'd noticed anything. Apparently dd does get upset at lunchtimes but its not because the other children won't play with her its because they want to have free will and play what they want to play rather than what dd dictates she plays (dd does not believe in others free will)

Tae kwon doe sounds good, might try her with that or something similar.

She's massively cuddly and affectionate so that doesn't sound like Aspergers then if thats a symptom, but I agree probably too young to know whats not just a character thing.

Fingers crossed we can get through this and she'll turn a corner soon, I must admit the constant crying is getting slightly tiring