something has always been odd with my ds (sorry could be long)

[QuietOhSoQuiet]

Ok,my ds is 6,will be 7 in July,he is my 4th dc so I am a reasonably experienced parent but this one has always fazed me and driven me to the point of distraction.

He was born 9 days late but due to a very rare condition he got stuck in the birth canal and was deprived of oxygen for several minutes but several minutes apart.He was delivered by c-section but due to complications I haemoraged and ended up in intensive care and it was several days before I held him.My family was told I would not survive and due to all this crap I ended up with PTSD and told the health visitor to put the baby into care or else I would dump him somewhere.I probably should have sued my healthcare trust but never did as life was too challenging.

Anyway,I dealt with this and moved on with life BUT my ds has never been quite like the others,and yes I know all of them are different. When he was 3 and I had the kitchen re-fitted he went scatty,got knives out,sprayed the house with dettol for protection from dinosaurs.He does not like new shoes but has got better with some changes.He never babbled as a baby and did not speak any real words until almost 3,he was under s&l for a year.He headbutted hard surfaces from 9months.

I did seek help from the gp who sent me on a parenting course,I was sceptical but it was very worthwhile,they did ask me if I still had issues with his birth and I told them no.We then were sent to a child specialist and he said it was global developmental delay,about 2 years,this is when he was 4.We then moved house due to dh job to another county and put him into the tiny village school,he does not want to go to school ever,he is far more manageable in the holidays but in term time he is a nightmare.Every day he tells me he misses me and does not want to go to school.The teachers tell me he is fine,they put him on the sen register then took him off 6 months later,he does struggle to learn but I have issues with the school and their what appear to be slightly backwards methods (experience at 3 primary schools with all children tell me this).I really do not have faith in the teacher.I should also add that within 10 mins of eating chocolate he is bouncing off the walls,even a small amount,same with coke,so these sbstances are very restricted to times of celebration.

Anyway to try to wind this up,he is very aggressive at times,I often hear him saying he hates himself as he "rants" so much,he used to tell me he wishes he was dead as a 3.5yr old but the docs dismissed this saying he has no concept of death.He has issues with trying to befriend other children as it is obvious to others he is behind the 6yrs he is.Anyone who has looked after him for me comments on how much hard work he is.

My point is this,am I being irrational or does this ring bells with anyone,is your child like this and should I continue to pursue it.Sorry if anything is disjointed but have had one hell of an afternoon of him screaming and shouting of well nothing really,one tantrum after another and all the strategies I know of,have learned or implemented with the others just don't cut it with him.Life is miserable at times and dh is off to the states next week so it's just me and am actually quite scared.

Sorry for the length but any thoughts or opinions for a very confused mother welcome.

i would say a lot of what you describe is totally within the realms of "normal" child behaviour. and a lot of it may well just be him being a kid.

but I think that all mums need to trust their instincts and yours is telling you that this is more than just being a child right?
what happened after his diagnosis of GDD? he still has that... has he had follow-up appts with the community paediatricians? perhaps that's something you need to look into now you have moved?

I dont think you are being irrational at all. Your little boy's behaviour is telling you that he is not happy; but its not clear if he is frustrated, or has GDD, or language issues or what is going on.
I would feel you are justified is seeking a proper assessment of his needs- it seems very peculiar to me that school put him on SEN register and then took him off again. If he is struggling with the learnning/social side of school then tantrums, fussiness, clinging is his only way of showing it....
All in all I think I would be going back to the GP and asking for a proper Paediatricain workup- and you sound like an insighful and caring parent and I am slightly for you that you were 'fobbed off' with a parenting course last time.

The obvious one is with the deprivation of oxygen and development delay, has he had a brain scan for cerebral pulsy? I don't know whether it is possible to have it so it effects mentaly without the more obvious physical issues? I know there are many different forms.

The dinosaur one made me smile! I'm sure it was frustrating to clear it up, but it does sound normal at that age. I'm sure if you suggested it to my 4yo ds he'd think that was great fun to do.

I would go and talk to your GP. He may just be a child who is pushing boundries, or there could be something more going on. I'd write down behaviours that worry me. Keep a diary, when he tantrums, what about (if there's a reason), how long it lasts. What he eats (you could find there's a link with diet), how long he sleeps, things he does that you think might be out of normal. Take this to the GP and ask to be referred.

I'd also be querying why he was taken off the SEN register unless he had fully caught up in most if not all areas.

So sorry you have had such a tough time. Yes, your story does ring bells with me. My DS is very similar. He's highly strung, freaks out when things change around the house and head-butted the floor/me/furniture from a very young age. He has aspergers and was dx with ASD at 3.

In my heart I knew he was different to other children (he's an only) but I was scared of having a professional confirm it. The not knowing was worse for me the 'is he/isn't he' rollercoaster was the worst bit.

I am not a qualified medical professional and please, don't for a minute think I am saying your DS has ASD. However, I would say that some of the things you describe sound familiar to me. If it were me, I would get a referral to a paed and air your concerns. Hopefully your concerns will be allayed. If there is a problem, however, at least you will be able to get the support your DS may need, before he gets older, as it does get harder to get a dx and help once children are at secondary school.

FWIW, my DS is at mainstream school and is doing really well. His dx was devastating at the time, but I am glad that we were lucky enough to get one so early, as he has a statement and is flying with the support he has.

I hope that helps a bit. Feel free to PM if you have any questions or you want a chat.

I think you should trust your instincts and ask for a paediatrician referral.

Many thanks for all the replies.

I do believe my instincts are right,his older brother was a minx and some but I never had any concerns over him other than him being a boy but with ds3 something does not feel quite right.

Dewe,was thinking about just starting a food diary but maybe a "life" diary incusive of everything might be a better idea.The dettol incident was no small endeavour on his part,he soaked all electrical equipment until it was pouring off.

thederk,thank goodness I am not alone as I usually feel like a leper,outside the school gates if he comes out in one of his highly strung moods all the parents stare at me and maybe it's just me but I can almost hear them whispering about it.He is not naughty but there are times when you just can't reason with him and his answer is to have a tantrum,like a 2 yr old,and then he gets upset as other children laugh at him.

Right will start a diary and log everything then take to gp,though as have not been here that long do not know the docs at surgery very well.

wannabe,I was a bit at the parenting course but went to show willing,learnt some interesting things though as it was 8 weeks long.I was also confused by the sen thing,will go back and ask again about this as trying to get him to sit still long enough at home to read with him is bad enough let alone homework so as much as I try my best to help him it's the family that bares the brunt of his screaming.I did point this out to the teacher and said it was traumatic getting him to do homework but she just said well fine e can do it every week in golden time instead,not particulary helpful as will just make him even more unhappy.

Hi. My brother is 3 years older than me but your DS sounds exactly like how my Mum describes my brother when he was a kid. Things were so bad that she wanted another child (me) to prove to herself that it wasn't her parenting style/fault that he was like this.

My DB ended up in A&E as he used to hurt himself during tantrums. He used to throw himself down stairs at age 3 almost knocking himself out if he didnt get his own way. My Mum was terrified social services would think she had been abusing him. I just wanted to tell you this so that you don't feel alone. This was 35 years ago.

He has never been diagnosed with anything but in the family we think he has dyspraxia, ADHD and possible Asperger's. So trust your instincts. I agree with PP that you should ask for a referral to a specialist. It may just be he is more highly strung than other kids, but you should pursue it with the relevant professionals as you are worried.

FWIW, my Mum cut out all e numbers and colourings from food (mine included as she wanted to be fair). She scanned the ingredients list of everything. And it made a difference to his behaviour (not fully, but a bit). So we never got Coke or anything brightly coloured. But we also didnt get things like Monster Munch as it had e numbers back then (don't know about now).

She also said that she read something 30 years ago that fair-haired kids, especially boys were more susceptible to additives and colourings... (I have no idea if this is true!).

Good luck. Xx

Don't panic, please don't panic, but do insist on a referal because your child sounds like Ds1, who was also oxygen deprived at birth, and minus the tantrums, is very similar to your son. And Ds1 has ASD and ADHD./