Ds1 is expert at divide and rule. He is 6.
Whenever his father us around at breakfast, weekends and holidays, he becomes extremely defiant, rude and unruly towards me. He will only obey his father, even then only begrudgingly.
His dad as far as I'm concerned, is far too sift on ds1 and lets him get away with too much which IMO, is confusing for ds1 because the boundaries he is used to are no longer there.
Ds1 is at the best of times defiant, contrary, prone to daily rages. Dh seems to relish the fact that ds1 will only respond positively to him and isn't very good at working in a team.
I find this so frustrating. Ds1 irritates me so much with his perpetual hostility and defiance that I am a bad, snippy parent to him. I get really pissed off with h too.
Should I just not 'parent' him when his father is around? Back off and let him take over even though he loses his rag after ds1 pushes and pushes those boundaries because he can with his father?
I have tried to talk about presenting a united front and h just cannot manage it in the face of a very clever kid, determined to get his own way.
I am starting to think it would less confusing and far less stressful if h and ds1 moved out together. That way when I see ds1, he only ever has one parent to cope with.
I have posted a lot about ds1 and his extreme behaviour (lots of anger, defiance, violence from age 2) and I'm waiting for a referral letter from GP to CAMBHS.