3yo doesn't want to leave the house

[Rocketthedoordog]

Ds1 was 3 about a month ago. For probably the last 5 months he has objected almost everytime I suggest/ tell him we are going out. It ranges from a moan to a full on screaming 'I don't want to go'. He will usually be cajoled out, but on occasion he has cried in the buggy/ car all the way to where we've been going.

There are two exceptions - a soft play or the house of particular friends he likes.

Background - he has been at home with me since his brother was born in the summer. He went to a childminder before this, but towards the end of his time there he was starting to not want to go. She told me he 'didn't like change' and didn't like it when she took him out. He isn't into routines and deals well with new places and people when we're there. It's just getting there that is the problem.

Often he doesn't want to leave where we are, but rarely makes a big fuss about it. He acknowledges that he did enjoy what he said he didn't want to do, and even seems to be able to project that he'll like it once he gets there.

Despite this I make sure we go out every day, but it's getting really wearing. He starts nursery this week, for three sessions a week.

I'm not sure if it's the lack of autonomy that bothers him, or if he really would be happy if I'd just let him stay at home all day, every day.

I've been thinking its just a phase for so long now, but it shows no sign of improving and it's making us both miserable. I dread telling him we are going anywhere.

I've asked friends but none of their dcs do/ did this. Anyone else have this? Or any tips for dealing with it? Or ideas as to why or ring any alarm bells for autism (his cm saying he doesn't like change made me wonder, along with his quite significant over-reaction) or is he just being a toddler?

My DS - also 3 (3.5yrs) has been doing this too! So I know what you are going through and can sympathise.

The difference here is my ds has been going to nursery 4 days a week since he was 8 months (the same nursery as well - never changed). We reduced this to 3 days a few months back and he now does 2 days with MIL. For the past couple of months it is getting increasingly difficult to get him out of the house - especially for nursery in the mornings, but also to do anything!

Funnily enough we had a full on cry session this morning trying to get him out of the house for nursery. He'll refuse to put a coat on, pull his shoes off, kick, hit, cry!

If it was just nursery I would put it down to being cold, dark (and rainy) mornings. But he does this at weekends too when I suggest going out anywhere (including soft play, park, swimming, the farm!). He just wants to stay at home and play, watch tele, snuggle on sofa - which I do understand at this time of year. I also blame the MIL a little as when she has him for the 2 days a week they do stay in all day and she gives undivided attention to him and they play all day in the house. I think he has got too used to it and now doesnt like the thought of having to go try play with other children who dont bow to his every whim!!!

We too have him acknowledge that yes he did enjoy going out eventually and then sometimes have the same tantrum to get him home!

All I can suggest is that your ds is quite normal and just prefers staying at home in the comfort of his own surroundings - there is nothing unusual about it. Just keep taking him out (amidst the battles) and he'll (hopefully - I say!) get used to it and start to enjoy it. Hope it gets better for you soon!

Thank you so much for your reply. It has helped so much to hear your similar experience. I think that getting out of the house to nursery is going to be a massive challenge, but we'll see. First day tomorrow!

I do wonder if having me at home playing with him all the time has contributed to it. He does like playing with friends, but he's still at the stage where they are just starting to understand playing together and it can be quite a challenge ie they both have ideas about his a game should be and their communication with another child is not quite there yet, compared with an adult who can be more interactive iyswim. Unless the game is running round and round, shouting and giggling which they seem to be very good at!

Anyway, thanks again . I hope all goes well for your ds too.