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Is this the 'terrible 2s' at age 3?

27 replies

newmummy100 · 04/01/2012 19:50

My daughter has just turned 3 and has gone from an OK behaved child to a TOTAL nightmare. The day is now full of her exploding and me trying to avoid the explosions and keep sane.

For example, when i'm parking the car anywhere I get 'Time to get out now'.. again and again which quickly goes from a calm statement to screaming if my parking takes more than 10 seconds. If I do anything but rush round to take her out her car seat then even if I explain it, like 'Mummy needs to pack her handbag' I get the screaming tears. If her slippers get left downstairs and I'm getting her ready for bed she cries and cries even though I tell her she will be in bed in 2 minutes and can't wear slippers in bed. If the book she was looking at in the car falls on the floor whilst I'm driving then screaming. Basically if anything isn't done the second she wants it, or if she hasn't got what she wants/or feels she needs or I try and change the routine then she explodes sobbing. She has also become ultra sensitive, cries if her little sister cries and if there is another child crying anywhere we go then she is 'why are they crying, why why why'. After so many daily upsets I've started to realise that I'm adapting my behaviour to try and stop her exploding and that I'm just living the day waiting for the next outburst which isn't nice.

Has anyone ever experienced this? She is also not really playing with other children. She is very interested in what the other girls are doing at Nursery and comes home and talks about friends names, but nursery staff tell me she is an observer and does not play with the others. She will play alongside but not with. The same goes about her little sister (18 months). She'll go get her objects and will put pegs in a board alongside her if Mum is doing it too - but won't be left to play with her or take any lead in playing. She also has to be asked to hug/kiss her ... never initiates any physical contact. She talks to her though.. tells her things. She does initiate physical contact with Mum/Dad.

Many thanks

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
coccyx · 04/01/2012 19:52

My nephew has aspergers an does not sound like him. Sure someone wise will soon be along

Rocketthedoordog · 06/01/2012 19:16

I dont have any knowledge about this I'm afraid, but I would say my ds's behaviour has got worse since he turned three. He didn't really get the terrible twos, but has been difficult and very shouty recently.

Anyway, mainly just bumping for you.

BoysBoysBoysAndMe · 06/01/2012 19:30

After my ds1 third birthday I breathed a sigh of relief and thought to myself - well the twos werent so bad.

Ha-what a joke.

The threes and first 4 months of being 4 were the worst by far.

I could give you dozens of examples of awful behaviour, mistakes on my part, and snowballing situations.

The best thing I can think of advising us read dr greens toddler taming book. It's amazing. Not about taming toddlers at all but how to cope with their behaviour and situations and guidance on what to do to change their behaviour and cope with meltdowns.

Really really helpful book- and good to know you're not alone. Just gets things into perspective too.

BoysBoysBoysAndMe · 06/01/2012 19:33

My son was the same as your dd socialising at that age too. But he really came out of his shell at 4 and now he literally doesn't shut up and will play with anyone- but not girls Hmm Grin

RealityNeedsANamechange · 06/01/2012 19:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JarethTheGoblinKing · 06/01/2012 19:36

DS went through a phase like this at 3, sounds like normal developmental stuff - he just couldn't wait for anything. He also didn't play with other children until about 3.6 when he suddenly became really gregarious and popular Confused

RealityNeedsANamechange · 06/01/2012 19:38

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ABatInBunkFive · 06/01/2012 19:40

sinister? really? Hmm

headfairy · 06/01/2012 19:42

luckily ds hasn't had too many episodes you describe, but when he has I've really really had to try and ignore it as I too realised I was doing ridiculous things to avoid setting him off. That's when I realised he was in charge and not me. It's very easy to say it when you're not faced with a screaming toddler but by reacting to it, you're teaching her that if she screams she gets her way.

I too have a cousin with aspergers and it sounds nothing like he was at that age. My cousin couldn't speak until he was seven and had rages like you will never ever encounter with a non AS child. He would smash windows, bang his head repeatedly against a wall until it bled, punch other children. Basically the worst kind of rage you could imagine.

I think the playing thing is also a bit of a red herring. My ds is incredibly social and yet he still isn't quite at the stage where he can form games with other children. He'll play happily with toys on his own, but when it comes to making up a game with other children he just doens't know how to do it yet (he's 4 btw). I've been a parent helper at ds's nursery and I've noticed that lots of children are the same too. Some are really good at working together to create a game, others aren't. I think it's a developmental thing really. They all get there at different stages.

WoollyHead · 06/01/2012 19:44

Aspergers and autism are not sinister. Have a think about how insulting that sounds.

superspinner · 06/01/2012 20:05

OP, your daughter sounds nothing like my own DD who is on the verge of an ASD diagnosis. She does however remind me A LOT of my elder NT child when he turned 3.
I also find the idea that ASD is sinister to be very upsetting and hurtful. It implies my little girl is some sort of sinister freak.

Thanks for that. Hmm

LovesBloominChristmas · 06/01/2012 20:08

My dd is 3.9 and yes that sounds right.

narmada · 06/01/2012 20:30

I don't thnik any of that sounds outside the bounds of normal 3 year old behaviour - sounds like you've got a sensitive child who has worked out how to get people to do exactly as she would prefer! I have one too, so that's not meant as an insult. DD once had an epic, humongous tantrum because I had (whisper it) peeled her banana for her and she wanted it whole. Broken biscuits, messed up food, all similar tantrum-provoking events. Dropped comforters or books in the care, the same.
Don't worry about the not playing with other children - I was really worried about DD on this score but she has just started to play with other kids at age 3.10 mos.

BoysAreLikeDogs · 06/01/2012 20:46

yes sinister is not on, that is really quite appalling language

okay, small bollocking out of the way, another vote for Dr Green (except the smacking bit)

the screaming and demanding is par for the course and the kindest thing you can do is actually not pander to it, no rushing or jumping to attention, just rise above it or you risk creating a bit of an emperor IYSWIM (by jumping to attention you are teaching her that a bit of creating gets a fast response from you)

also: misty memories of broken banana tantrums, bitten biscuit tantrums, I want to wear wellies but now they're on I don't want them tantrums

Bliss to be far on the other side Grin

CumpyGrunt · 06/01/2012 20:55

It sounds like my boys did at that age. They are NT.

My DD isn't, she has autism & is nothing like you have described.

There is also nothing sinister about her & I think you should rethink your wording as your thread title is offensive.

chocjunkie · 06/01/2012 21:06

my DD has autism. i find your choice of words extremely insensitive & offensive :(

BoysBoysBoysAndMe · 06/01/2012 21:09

4boys he didn't recommend smacking. Controlled crying he said-but I didn't follow that. Think it's cruel

crustyonion · 06/01/2012 21:14

My son has just turned 4 and his behaviour has become a lot more tantrum-y than ever before. He never had them at 2 at all. It's not the terrible twos. It's the terrible threes, then the fucking fours...

mrspepperpotty · 06/01/2012 22:30

My theory is that it's the terrible twos OR the terrible threes but you don't usually get away without one or the other!

My 2yo DS had a massive tantrum today because the black play-doh was mixed up with the pink play-doh. Guess who had mixed them up??

My DD on the other hand was a good 2yo and a more challenging 3yo.

fivegomadindorset · 06/01/2012 22:31

Threenager.

LovesBloominChristmas · 06/01/2012 23:10

Crusty don't say that Shock

merlincat · 06/01/2012 23:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

oldmum42 · 07/01/2012 20:07

My DS3 has Aspergers and is not in the least bit sinister. He is a warm, loving and affectionate 14 year old who is doing fantastically well at school.

I found your language quite offensive.

There is a huge variation in people with ASD, a huge range of behaviours. Your DD is displaying SOME Autistic traits - but then again, most of us do. If you are concerned, go to your GP, read up on the condition, educate your self.

oldmum42 · 07/01/2012 20:14

HEADFAIRY, if your cousin couldn't speak until age 7, he has Autism or HF Autism, not Aspergers. The basic difference between Asperger and HF Autism diagnosis is when language skills are acquired, people with Aspergers' develop language within the normal development timescales (but how they USE language is a little different).

ANTagony · 07/01/2012 20:16

Another report here.

My lovely 8 yr old ASD son is tucked up in bed. Nothing sinister in him. He just views the world from a slightly different angle to me. We have some fantastic debates and conversations about life and the world.

As other posters have said many of us display ASD traits. Many very famous historical people are thought, with hindsight, to have been on the spectrum.

If you'd like to read a little more about it this may help you