Getting DD to hold hands

[breatheslowly]

DD is nearly 16 months and is our first, so we don't know what we are doing in some respects. She has been walking for a few months and can now run too (obviously not very fast). She won't hold hands when walking and doesn't seem keen to go on reins. She really just wants to go where ever she fancies. Does hand holding come later? Or are some children hand holders and others not? Is there anything we can do (other than the obvious praising when she does it) to get her to hold hands?

my first held hands; my second wouldn't. no advice really - she still won't hold hands. it is a nightmare...

With DS when he wont hold hands he goes in the pram. He is 2 now and rarely refuses to hold hands because he knows if he doesn't he doesn't walk.

If we are somewhere with more potential dangers (by water or roads) I use a little life backpack which he likes more than reigns and means I can have the hoop on my arm whilst still holding his hand.

"you either hold my hand or go in the buggy/get carried". Ad infinitum.

buggy or reins, regardless of the screams & kicks of protest. I have zero tolerance for bolters, which both mine are.

We have the Little Life backpacks too.

My 2 both refused to walk on reins. So the deal was they held onto a hand/the pushchair or the were sat (against their will) in it. This was for situations were hand-holding was required - obviously in the park etc they got to explore.

It took b/w 1 and 2 weeks (and a fair bit of shrieking tbh) for them to understand that this was non-negotiable. They were both about 14mo at the time.

Hmm, I think I was hoping that you would all tell me that DD is just too young to understand and that in a couple of months she will just automatically do it. I'll talk to DH about getting a little life backpack for her.

My DD is 22 months. When she first cracked walking, she didn't want to hold hands and her new found freedom was all so exciting.
Now she's a bit bigger and has developed a few fears, she likes to hold hands when buses go past, or when we're somewhere new (or if there's a dog, or a stranger, or a leaf on the floor, or it's windy - yes we're at that age).

Littlelife backpacks are good too. They hardly realise you're holding the strap. We also try to lightly hold onto her coat hood so she doesn't notice, the advantage of walking in winter weather!

You weren't in Henley today, were you? I was so amused as there was a mother with a daughter about your age who wouldn't hold hands and DD (2.2) and I walked past and the mother was saying "look at that little girl walking so nicely and holding hands" and all I could think was "if only you'd seen us this time last year"!
When DD first walked, she would happily be on reins (well, LittleLife thing) as everything was so new she didn't really notice. Then she rebelled against the reins and would only wear them if she got to hold the handle which obviously defeated the whole point of them. We had a lot of hold hands OR reins OR pram conversations. I then decided 3 choices were too much for her to understand so it was hold hands OR pram. The exception was if we were by the river when she had to be on reins as I thought that, if she did bolt & fall in, it would be easier to fish her out if she was on reins.

Over the last month or so (so since she's been 2), things have improved hugely. I think its partly because she's got taller and so her legs have got longer meaning she doesn't have to take quite so many steps and her hand is higher up (IYKWIM) so her arm isn't at such an umcomfortable angle when holding hands. Provided there are enough other distractions (eg puddles to jump in, tree to hide behind etc) she will now walk a mile or so holding hands. I think it also helped that about a week before Xmas I put her by the car to get her in her car seat & rather than standing & holding my leg as she has done for months, she bolted (luckily, no cars coming) and I was so genuinely cross & scared when I caught her & told her off that I think she really realised it was a bad thing to do. And actually, her general understanding has improved so we can talk about why we have to hold hands walking by the road/river/in the car park etc but that she's allowed to do what she wants in the park.

I think what I'm trying to say is (a) perservere; (b) decide what the real ground rules are and what you're going to do if they're broken (eg forcefully put back in the pram). And if you are expecting her to walk, plan the "expedition" so that its a short walk holding hands (eg from car to playground) and then a lot of freedom followed by short walk holding hands again.

Ds wouldn't do it at that age, he is brilliant now and has been for about 3-4 months (2;1)

When dd was that age, I had one of those French knitting doll things and had made an incredibly long bright red wool rope. Once, when dd refused to hold hands I picked this rope up (we used to take it to the park as she loved it) and said I'd have to tie her to me then, little thinking that she would be delighted with the idea. She was though (had watched me with fascination while I was making it) so I tied it round her waist and looped the other end round my wrist. She loved it. It worked well because I could shorten the length if I wanted her close to me and if we were in a less crowded place she could run about at full length. I know it makes her sound like a dog, but she really used to love it.

I think I may be underestimating DDs understanding of instructions and choices. It seems like only yesterday that we realised that she understands things we say, but she completely ignores us a lot of the time and just gets on with her own thing. Apparently I was much like that as a child . It wasn't us in Henley today as we try only to walk dd in places that don't need hand holding or direction, but that isn't a long term solution.

My kids have all been a bit rubbish at hand holding at this stage and didn't like reins either. I tried wrist straps a bit (marginally more success than reins).

However, come 3-ish, they're all good with it. My youngest (3.5) has just got handholding in the past few weeks and it's lovely!

It should be non-negotiable. Hold hands, or go on reins/in buggy. Zero tolerance!

Does having time in the park free to roam undermine the hold hands or reins or buggy message?

My dd was a bolter so I had to develop a zero tolerance to and holding. When walking near or crossing roads she absolutely had to hold my hand. If she wouldn't, which was every time, I held her wrist and repeated something like "you need to hold my hand near/ while crossing the road". If it developed into a mletdown, which it usually did, then it was straight in the buggy. We had no success with reins but a little more success with a wrist strap.

She finally admitted defeat at about 3.5 and would hold my hand without a fuss.

Oh,and I definitely let her roam free in safe environments,eg, the park etc.