Help needed - getting a bit desperate

[Merlincat07]

Hello everyone.

I've lurked about on mumsnet for a while but this is the first topic I've started as I'm getting desperate and would really appreciate some advice.

I have a 4 1/2 month old DS (my first) who, just recently has started to struggle to go to sleep on his own. I got him on a lovely routine fairly quickly and he's slept through the night from about 13 weeks (apart from an 11pm dream feed). He's always gone to sleep relatively easily until a few weeks ago.

About 2 weeks before Christmas he got a sickness bug which has totally thrown everything. It started with upsetting his daytime naps (of which he now has 3 per day) and he would only drop off if I rocked him (I know, rod for my own back, but it was the only way to get him to sleep and he was unwell so I panicked).

Now when I try to put him to bed at 7pm a battle ensues which finished with me waiting it out last night by his bedroom door listening to 2 rounds of screaming until he fell asleep by himself. I'm following the advice in books like the Baby Whisperer but it was so hard to stop myself going in. I know it's only a matter of time before his 11pm feed goes pear-shaped as well as, currently, he drops back off with no problems but, as this problem seems to be spiraling, I'm sure it will happen then too.

So, here I am, trying to get him to drop off for his mid-morning nap holding him over one shoulder and trying to type with one hand whilst jiggling him off to sleep. My sanity (and back) can't take much more. Any help will be so gratefully received.

Thanks.

my advice would be to go with the flow.

have you tried feeding him when he is unsettled? at 4.5 months he is prime time for the big growth spurt they go through and he may just need more food and cuddles right now.

babies change the rules all the time. from sleeping through to waking in the night, napping in the day to not napping, or not napping to having many naps... it's just the way they are.

leaving a very small baby to cry is more likely to make him more clingy not less. you're bascially teaching him that when he cries no-one will bother to come. crying is his ONLY way of telling you that he needs you and you need to listen to him.

he hasn't read the books. he doesn't know that there is some "rule" about having to go to sleep by himself. he is upset and needs comfort and IMO you should give it to him.

I've had 3 babies. they've all been fed/cuddled to sleep. and each of them learned to sleep by themselves through the night on their own.
it isn't a rod for your own back, honestly.
trust your instincts. if your instincts are screaming at you to go and pick your crying child up then you should.
if he needs feeding or cuddling to sleep then go with it... he gets to sleep, you don't listen to him crying- how can that be a bad thing?

Thank you for your fast response. I appreciate what you've advised and I had begun to consider that there could be issues with growth spurts/teething that could have upset things so I probably should just ride it.

Last night, when trying to get him to drop off, I ran through the list of other problems that could have upset him (wind, hunger, etc.) and it became really clear that he just wanted the cuddle and comfort as he stopped crying the second I picked him up. I think I've created the need for a prop as he drops off fine when in the car, pram, bouncer and when being rocked in someone's arms, and I am beginning to get concerned that this will be the only way he'll sleep from now on.

I suppose the thing that's getting to me is that he is now causing me so much pain in my back as the cuddling also has to involve standing (a sit-down cuddle just won't do the job apparently!) and I'm holding myself in an unbalanced way that is creating some really severe problems. I already had some back issues before pregnancy (sciatica). Does anyone have any ideas about how I can alleviate this? Better ways to hold a 16lb baby that won't cripple me?

Thank you

ahhh yes, how DO they know that you've sat down???? that has always puzzled me.
it's a bummer that one.

I used a moby wrap sling. Don't be put off if you've previously used a baby bjorn type thing, because these are completely different as the weight is distriuted more evenly and baby is hugged into you rather than hanging from your shoulders.
moby wrap

I could use mine to carry ds2 around for several hours at a time without really feeling the strain at all. I didn't have sciatica, but do suffer frm intermittent lower back pain and the moby didn't affect it at all. was my life saver!

Do you have a husband/partner? can he jiggle baby in the evenings for a while to give you a break from it? or take him out for a walk in the pram to get him off to sleep?

I tend to go for the path of least resistance parenting-wise, so if he sleeps in the pram then I would totally take him for a walk and then let him sleep downstairs in the pram until you're ready to go up to bed and then try and transfer him

It's probably the notorious 4 month sleep regression. It's hell.

Personally, I wouldn't have left a 4 month old to cry to sleep, I'm surprised the baby whisperer recommends it.

Having a bad back sounds horrendous, I'd go for pushing in the pram or driving around the block to try to encourage sleep if you can't jiggle. Or an electric swing? Mine used to fall asleep when it was on the most violent setting.