night terrors in 4yr old

[WeekendsAreTooShort]

my 4 yr DS is having awful night terrors. I have done some reading about them since they started and they seem to be common in boys this age and linked to family history of sleep walking and sleeptalking. I did sleep talk and sometimes still do,. They are most likely to happen when he has been excited through the day..parties etc. We are trying to get home early, bedtime story 6.45pm and bed at 7. he sleeps for 12 hours now. no sleep in day as would not sleep at night otherwise.

we have started waking him about 1-2 hours after he falls asleep as it suggests and this is helping. when they happen they are just so awful and we can't comfort him or anything. HE SCREAMS at my DH to stay away from him and if we talk to him he just screams louder. he loves his daddy so much as it is hearbreaking. i think we are doing what we can but just wanted to know if anyone had experience of these and what you did, how long they lasted etc etc.

I am on tenterhooks waiting for one at the mo....fingers crossed!

I really feel your pain, I went through this with my DD, she started when she was about 3. We got through it doing exactly what you are doing, we had to have a totally consistent bed time routine which really helped and also we did the waking thing just before they usually started. We were told not to disturb her, just sit closely to make sure she didn't hurt herself, because she used to thrash about and literally scream blue murder.

If we did try to wake her or disturb her in any way during an episode, it prolonged it and made her remember it, which is also distressing for them. I was advised not to talk to her about the noise she was making in the night in case it made her nervous about going to sleep and causing more sleep issues!

I tried not to give her anything sugary too close to bedtime and not eating too late was another thing. In the end she stopped the screaming, she does occasionally have a little cry still, but nothing like the old days and they don't last long. I don't think it was any one thing that stopped them, just good bedtime routines, not disturbing her during the terrors and the waking before they started all helped, and they will grow out of them.

I know how you feel, it is awful watching them during one, but everyone told me they are called night terrors because they are terrible for us to watch and normally they don't remember having them. She had them for about a year in the end, but the ferocity and quantity varied throughout that time. Hope things improve for you really soon....

DS1 had these, but he was a little older, between the ages of 9 and 11. He would suddenly appear in the living room a couple of hours after going to bed, and he would be staring wildly around, panicking, running from room to room crying hysterically, but would struggle and shout "no!" if we tried to hug/comfort him, as if we were trying to hurt him.

It was horrendous the first time, because we didn't understand what was happening, but once we realised he wasn't actually aware of anything it made it easier to deal with. We would gently lead him back to bed, agree with his irrational comments, very quietly soothe him, and after 10-15 minutes he would suddenly go limp and be asleep again. He had no memory of anything in the morning.

It didn't seem to be linked to anything in particular, although it was a slightly stressful time (moving house, issues at school etc). We haven't had an episode in the last six months so hope he has grown out of it.

All the experts say it is nothing to worry about, they will grow out of it, and it is not linked with any awful subconcious trauma. Don't take it personally, just deal with it calmly, and hopefully it will soon be a thing of the past.

my dp suffers from them and he thinks they tend to hspoen more if he goes to sleep on his back.

also he thinks they happen more when he's stressed so them happening when your ds has had a lot of excitement fits. is there anyway you can think of that you can relax him more before he goes to bed? bath or massage perhsps? also look at what you're reading to him at bedtime - nothing too exciting/stimulating.

i hope you manage to get it sorted - its scary enough with dp never.mind your dc.

Thanks for that. Yes we are obsessive about the routine to the extent that others think we are over the top but I know it helps. Have done the eating thing too always hard at parties but trying to take cake out bag first or only give piece sponge. We have realised talking to him makes it worse and if I try to hold him he scratches me etc.. He wakes up DD age 2 so then we all up for hours. Have woken him tonight and this is first time after a party he has not had one... Hopefully we are doing something right . It breaks my heart and is just so draining. He is quite a demanding wee soul anyway and very energetic. Was that the same for you. I just needed to hear it gets better!!! Thank you

Cross posts. Thank you for all your replies. Feeling calmer to sleep tonight!

I find them terrifying to watch. My DS1 (4) has them when he has had a very exciting/emotional or tiring day. Eyes open, sometimes out of bed and walking as if he was awake, screaming, thrashing... Interesting about the family link-my own brother had them for about 3 years from 6-9 ish iirc then they went away.

Where did you read or find out that it was a good idea to wake your DS after an hour or so of sleep-bit surprised about that-surely interfering with his sleep cycles is not going to help in the long run?

FWIW, your DS will not remember anything of these episodes as long as you don't wake him-they are far worse, as Sam2cats rightly said, for the entourage-they give me the shivers like nothing else!

Hope they go away soon.

I will try and post link tomorrow. It said that waking them brought them out of the stage of sleep where the night terror happens. It really has worked the night we have done it. I wake him but he goes straight back to sleep. I don't wake him during a terror as it said not to try and wake or say its a dream as seems to make it worse.

i think they happen between the conscious/awake stage and deep sleep so the dreams or whatever they are are too real for the stage of sleep you're in iyswim? clumsy explanation there... so by waking them i guess you're bringing them out of this state and then they can go to sleep properly...

dp gets sleep paralysis too which again is about being stuck in the wrong sleep state.

Dd used to have them all the time- awful! Eventually I hit upon the only thing that calmed her which was reading a story to her, its essential to get there right at the beginning of an episode (I used to listen out for the pre-terror whimpers at that time of night) and then read a very familiar book to her, sometimes I had to do it very loudly to get heard above her screams but I think it must have been comforting as she usually calmed fairly quickly.

It's happening in the deep sleep phase, which is why they don't remember it when they awake. Just like sleep-walking, but different from a nightmare.

We didn't wake DS up as a pre-emptive measure, as he didn't have terrors every night, we just dealt with them as they arose.

Good idea reading a story - really your only job as a parent is to stay with them and make sure they stay safe and don't hurt themselves, they really are unaware of what is going on.

Yes DD's were always worse when she had an exciting day or end to the day. My GP advised me about waking her just before they started, ( I went to see her at the end of my tether) the idea being that that would interrupt the usual cycle and re-set it thereby avoiding a terror. It did seem to really help....although also knowing that we werent the only ones, and that it was quite common also helped too!

None last night but has woken in such a difficult and argumentative mood! I am finding it very difficult with him generally as always waiting for a tantrum or meltdown no matter what we do . Very positive parenting, distracting, positive language, rewards, time outs.... Is it just being 3-4 yrs??

Sounds normal to me! I don't know any 4 year olds who don't like to push a few boundaries. My DD is just the same and she's just turned 5......have a gentle day, bit of telly, walk to the park maybe.....and just think soon this will pass....

My son gets these on occasion. I don't know what the books say but I know if I put whatever I'm sleeping in under his nose so he can smell it, it tends to calm him down faster than trying to hug him or talk to him.

DS now age 5 sometimes has night terrors and has done for a few years now. More often its when we are away from home, but sometimes at home too.
we have found we have to wake him up,if he's struggling to wake up then get him out of bed and walk him to the loo, he will then go back to bed quite happily and falls asleep again. He remembers nothing about them in the morning.

He routinely sleep talks and is quite a mobile sleeper , tho has not yet sleep walked. I also sleep talk and am quite mobile in my sleep. I've pushed DH out of bed a few times in my sleep.

another one tonight. he will not let me near him, he screams no mummy, no daddy louder and louder as if we are hurtung him. he walks back and forward into and otu of his room. he wakes his sister DD age 2.5. nothing got him out of it for ages. tried to wak him before it and seemed to actually set him off. there was no milk left in his cup he drinks overnight and that seemed to be the trigger.I had just gone to fill it!
tried to take him to toilet. refused and screaming.
settled eventually by offering a bloody cereal bar!!]
i am washed out. this is afwul

DS has been having nightmares every night for 3/4 weeks. Yesterday we watched the BFG and he told me this morning he had a lovely dream because the BFG blew good dreams through a trumpet into DS's ear!
Worth a go maybe?

i think the problem is they are not nightmare but terrors and he has no recollection of them when he wakes up. he just looks confused but then is wide awake as if nothing happened

i am so stressed now I can't sleep at night...

My DS had an episode of such terrors when he was four - terrible to watch your child in such deep distress weekends - I feel for you - he used to stand rigid in the corner of the bedroom in the dark eyes wide open shouting "NOOOOO" in such an anguished voice it was unbearable - like somebody was torturing him.

I trawled the internet like you for info. My friend told me when her DS had them the only thing that worked was talking to his subconcious by calmly reading him the Maplin catalogue about electrical lighting (he had/has a bit of fixation on electric circuits and lights etc!)

I started taking his temperature after he had calmed down and it was always high - sometimes alarmingly high. Then I kept track of it during the day. I couldnt work out though whether the terror was causing hte temperature or the temperature the terror but giving him calpol before he went to bed if his temperature was up seemed to do the trick. Once I worked this out, I took him to the GP with a temperature/terror diary and he prescribed some antibiotics. And they stopped almost immediately. Hasnt had them since.

It might of course have been a total coincidence and I know some children's go on for far longer but I am convinced tbh (but based on no medical knowledge on my part!) that he had a brain? infection of some sort and when I mentioned it to my sister she said her DS who is a year older had had the same sort of thing several months previously coupled with a fever etc.

I hope your DS's stop soon.

That reminds me, that DD's would also coincide with her being hot. She is a hot blooded little thing and now has to have cool blankets on her bed....just one of her triggers I think....

I'm sorry you are going through it, it really is traumatising for the parent, not to mention exhausting and worrying......just keep going with your calm bedtimes and waking before the terror begins, hopefully it will begin to work soon.

at least you know what it is....DD had this, the first few times completely freaked me out, i ended up in tears! it was just awful, She would be screaming for me, i would try and talk to her and she would just recoil away from me as if she were terrified of me and keep shouting for mummy.

they do pass. I was also advised to wake her before i went to bed - i followed that advice and it worked for us.

good luck op....it does pass! My dd is 14 now with no memory of night terrors at all.

Just to add my DD's terrors would usually start at 11, so I would go into her at 10.30 and offer a drink, sometimes this would set her off, but more often than not it did seem to disrupt the cycle of the terrors.

I think my four year old has been having night terrors too.I had thought of them more like night tantrums,as when we go in to her she is aware that its me etc, but certainly she sounds just the same as the posts here,and they are always around about 11p.m. She has had far less over this holiday (only one) but while she was in school they were every night and I am still stressed and exhausted from them.She screams the house down (my poor next door neighbour).And disturbs DD1 too.So we are all tired the next day. I think for her being overtired is a massive trigger which is why they were so bad before school broke up as she wasn't getting a chance to recover.She is finding adjusting to school stressful and that isn't helping. I feel comforted reading this thread though,very reassuring as I have been worrying about them a lot.

thank you for all your replies and posts. It is reassuring to know you are not the only one. It is such a horrible thing..both my children have been ill at times in hospital and watching these is nearly as bad. I pray that he growa out of them soon:)