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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Do most people feel like hurting their child at some point?

23 replies

fattybum · 30/12/2011 12:12

Just got off the phone to dm and she mentioned that one of my sisters didn't understand how my other sister and me sometimes feel so angry we could do dc harm. We don't actually do them harm, but sometimes when they are driving us to despair we feel like it! My mum responded by saying that her dc is easy, which is true, which she disagreed with and said she would never feel like smacking/losing it with her dc.

Just asking because my sister saying this has made me feel really bad, as if it makes me some kind of neglectful mother. My dc are clean, fed, loved and looked after, but sometimes they drive me mad and make me feel like exploding!

Does anyone else feel like this?

OP posts:

tabulahrasa · 30/12/2011 12:14

oh aye - as long as you're not giving in, that's the important bit, lol

AlpinePony · 30/12/2011 12:27

No.

Seona1973 · 30/12/2011 12:32

I know where you are coming from - have been there a few times myself!

Original poster

fattybum · 30/12/2011 12:34

Thank you tabulahrasa and seona1973! Just want to stress I don't actually do the things I feel like doing, just think them in the heat of the moment.

OP posts:

Faverolles · 30/12/2011 12:35

Yes, I know how you feel :)

KwaziiHunt · 30/12/2011 12:37

Yep. Not a great feeling, but there are times when they are driving you to distraction and you get the urge.

As long as you don't act on it, then it's OK.

ladywithnomanors · 30/12/2011 12:38

I understand what you're saying - my 18mo, 3yo and 6yo are a handful when they're all together like now during the holidays. Some days it takes all my patience not to explode.

TheMonster · 30/12/2011 12:38

I know exactly how you feel.

LovesBloominChristmas · 30/12/2011 12:39

My mum always told me she can understand how people get to that breaking point, as a baby I cried solid for about 4 months!

Bit unhelpful of your mum to pass that comment on though, what if only one had admitted it?

Original poster

fattybum · 30/12/2011 12:45

My mum didn't mean to upset me, it was part of a bigger conversation, I'm just and insecure, oversensitive person who doesn't deal with any kind of criticism well, especially when it comes to parenting, where I lack a lot of confidence anyway.

OP posts:

ShowOfHands · 30/12/2011 12:51

No, never.

But I wouldn't judge you for admitting it. Parenting is like nailing jelly to a wall some days.

SmileItsSeasonal · 30/12/2011 13:24

Yes. I grit my teeth really hard.

BarbarianMum · 30/12/2011 13:34

Not until I had ds2. If you had asked me the same question when I just had ds1 I would have found the idea inconceivable.

Some children are easier than others (and some parents have calmer tempers as well, of course).

Ds2 is a lot like me (a kind way of putting it would be 'highly strung'). Even dh has had to count to 10 on occasion and he is Mr Laid Back (ds1 takes after him).

The important thing is not what you feel but how you act. As long as you are not experiencing hours of silent rage directed at your dc, don't worry, a momentary impulse to smack them hard is very common. Grit teeth, deep breath or walk away.

BarbarianMum · 30/12/2011 13:35

I adore ds2 by the way. But he can be very hard work, on occasion.

Chundle · 30/12/2011 15:24

Dd1 very easy baby I didn't feel like that at all - but I do now she's a 7 yr old knowitall!
Dd2 difficult baby now difficult toddler very hard to deal with very hard to stay calm .
Yadnbu

mrspepperpotty · 30/12/2011 17:14

When my 2 yo DS2 deliberately hurts another child I do feel like hurting him back. I manage to restrain myself but I just feel so angry!

Maryz · 30/12/2011 17:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IndianOcean · 30/12/2011 17:19

I was driven to such distraction that on several occasions I felt an urge to throw my babies down the stairs.
Or shake them.

But never did it, or anything else to physically harm them.

Pinkchampagne · 30/12/2011 17:24

I have felt like that too. My eldest son would really test the patience of a saint at times, and DS2 can be a real handful. Sometimes I envy mothers who seem to love every minute of being a parent

youarekidding · 30/12/2011 17:27

Yep, I am a LP and on ocassion when I have had a really hard day with DS and can't pass the buck! I can feel angry towards him. I would never/ and have never hurt him - I find putting him in the bath chills him and gives me space. (he's 7 btw I don't leave a baby unattended!)

Very similar to Maryz a friend told me you don't leave windows open with small children to stop you catapulting them out of it - not to stop them falling out.

winnybella · 30/12/2011 17:30

Oh yes. Almost never now with DD (2.11) as I can reason with her/she's become a rather cooperative child, but if you asked me a year ago...
Had quite a few moments like that with DS (9) as well.

I just grit my teeth and walk away. I would never ever hurt them, but the momentary urge is there sometimes. I think it's fairly normal, tbh.

littleducks · 30/12/2011 17:57

I think your sister is being unkind. How old are her children?

I find babies, easy peasy, even the screamers. But dd is now 5 and I get exasperated sometimes.....she knows betterbut still does stupidthings and whinges.

My mum was great with us until we were teenagers, that was her tough period.

Original poster

fattybum · 30/12/2011 20:48

I envy the those mothers too! Used to think I would be those mothers, but motherhood surprises you in so many ways! Ds1 is the one that usually causes me to want to do awful things, and he's 5.6. Ds2 is 3.3 and has just always been an easier child, plus I think i'm just more confident with him as a parent.

Sisters dc is 6. He had colic as a baby and I clearly remember her telling me that at her low points (usually at 3am!) she felt like smashing his head in and that she couldn't believe the terrible thoughts that could go through your head. She seems to have forgotten all about that now that she has the easiest 6 year old in the world. It may sound like sour grapes, but he just is a pretty obedient, well behaved child and having seen her parenting style I truly believe it is just his character, not her magical abilities.

OP posts:

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