Sticking a baby in front of the telly

[WoodyAllenJesus]

I'm a first-time parent so please bear with me if this is a daft worry...

My 3-month-old has developed an obsession with a film that was on over Xmas. Whenever my DH is looking after her (e.g. if I go for a shower) I will invariably find that he has put the film on to keep her quiet and happy. He doesn't seem to want to interact with her in any other way e.g. playing with her, but that's another story.

When I am looking after her I don't want her to just be watching tv all the time. This is partly because I'm not sure it's good for her eyes but mainly because I read very negative things on here about people who just shove their kids in front of the tv. I do struggle to find things to do with her, we play and read books but I think she finds it all a bit frustrating as she's not really able to interact with things a lot but I do persevere. She gets impatient with books and I must admit it would be easier to just put a film on for her but I don't want to be using it like a crutch or something?

Is it ok for a 3-month-old to watch so much tv or is that frowned upon or wrong in some way? My DH thinks I am being ridiculous and I should just put the film on on a loop...

Sorry if this makes no sense we are going through a period of severe sleep deprivation :(

How can a 3 month old be obsessed with a film?

Some people think that there is a problem with showing young children the unnaturally fast-moving images of TV, as in, not people moving around fast as such but different scenes chopping and changing constantly. The thinking behind this is that it shortens their attention spans.

3 month olds don't really require much entertainment, if you're holding her or talking or singing to her (or even talking if not to her directly) and letting her generally see what you are getting up to this will be ample stimulation, I wouldn't worry about books and toys just yet. I don't personally see a problem with TV in small doses or as an incidental thing (I don't imagine second children manage to avoid TV until their 2nd birthday )

Argh sorry meant to add. I think that using TV as an excuse not to interact with her is a little bit sad :( and I would try to avoid because the temptation is hard enough when they're toddlers, so to get into the habit of it now will make it even easier to slip into later and then you will end up feeling crap. But I don't see the harm here and there if you need a break or you don't know what else to try.

You will probably get loads of people coming along BTW saying it's normal for men not to interact with tiny babies and he will pick up more when she is more "interesting", but I think this is a cop out (and often not true :(). It's hard when they're tiny, you should be approaching it as a team, if he is finding it hard to bond perhaps he could try doing more with her to help the bonding? Carrying her in a sling or just rocking, talking or singing, nappy changes, bathing together, baby massage, going for walks etc.

Does your DH actually 'know' how to interact`? Not being patronising, but maybe doesn't realise that sitting having eye contact is interacting?

This can be really hard to understand as don't get any feedback, but all the eye contact you can give builds neural pathways that make the child feel loved and secure so whilst not actually doing anything, better than sitting them in front of a passive screen which just is stimulation the eyes but not doing anything emotionally - even if you can't see it! Try getting your DH to understand that every minute spent holding, or singing or feeding, or just looking at each other is time well spent!

I believe the official advice is that TV is not good for a child at this age and that it is recommended, as Bernie intimates, that children don't watch TV until they are at least two. I have to confess I didn't stick to this as sometimes I was so desperate to get some chores done I would use the telly as an electronic babysitter (still feel so guilty about that). But it sounds like you are able/happy to sit and play with your baby and that's great, that's exactly what you should be doing. It sounds like she not quite ready for books though, my DS was the same at that age. If I were you, I would keep looking at books with her every now and again and you'll find there comes a point where she suddenly 'gets' them and is fascinated with them. In the meantime if you need ideas for things to do with her I recommend reading 'Babytalk' by Sally Ward, she was a qualified speech and language therapist and this suggests loads of age-appropriate activities that will help develop your DD's language and cognitive capacities. Also go on Amazon and search in books for 'things to do with babies', a whole bunch of books come up.

At 3 mos I would put her in a swing/rocker or on a playmat with hanging toys etc to grab. Have lots of safe toys, soft books, teddies, rattles to play with nearby. You could get hand and foot rattles which are meant to encourage moving around. My DD liked anything with Velcro to practice pulling things off.

You can also get DVDs that are meant to be suitable from 3 mo (baby bright). We had this although I can't recall at what age she actually watched it (maybe 6 mo). She's now 18 mos and this is still her fac show. It is meant to encourage active not passive viewing and is very very simple.

Could you just move her around to watch general HH going-ons or look out the window?

Baby massage or gentle nursery rhymes are another thing to do. Maybe your DH could volunteer for swimming?

Could you hook up a pc to the tv and show a reel of family still photos? With commentary by DH?

Don't 3 month olds just like being held, snuggled into your arms? They can only just focus at 1-2 mths, so I doubt she's obsessed with anything on tv!!
I think you are over-worrying. teach your dh to interact with her, that would be more helpful. He can sit and tell her anything... how his day at work was, whether Spurs played well against Norwich, anything. a bit of looking in her eyes, and she will just love hearign his voice, and the intonation of it " what you think about that then,", " honestly, it would have, yes it would, yes it would", all that nonsense. try teaching him a bit of that.

I do over worry

She has a play mat and simple cloth books and toys, and she's brilliant, very happy to entertain herself on her mat for 20 mins or so. I just worry that I should be doing more and that I might give her issues with the things I do or don't do.

I've ordered Baby Einstein on recommendation from a friend of mine who is much more experienced, maybe that was a mistake. I have very little confidence and want to get everything 'right'. I'm annoying and irritating I know

I'm VERY well known for being neurotic.

I will order the book by the speech therapist (on phone and can't scroll up to remember title sorry).

And I don't know what it is about this particular film, maybe it's the voices, but she even seems to have a favourite part that she squeals at. Robbie Williams is in it so maybe that's it . I must admit I'm a bit disappointed with how little my DH wants to interact with her and I worry it doesn't bode well for future years. He likes cuddling her but there is not much eye contact or chatting.

Please stop worrying OP. babies do not need 24/7 entertainment. You don't need to book her into 'sing and sign', followed by baby gymnastics, followed by lunch and an hour of baby einstein, followed by a nap and then you reading her 'War and Peace'.
Please. Its not necessary. They don't need that as a bay. They don't need that, ever. Please just relax and enjoy. You'd be surpri0sed how little , other than love and being held, that they actually need.

Please don't worry! Relax, you know, as long as you aren't neglecting or abusing her, nothing you do is going to have a massively far reaching effect, so just go with the flow. I am a bit concerned that you sound so worried about this, worrying about giving her issues etc. Have you thought about speaking to your doctor or health visitor about this anxiety? You're not being annoying, just asking a question! :) No such thing as a silly question when you're new to something.

Cuddling is good. Just being close to you and being around normal human activity is the best thing for her development at the moment. Have you tried talking to DH about this? I hope he is taking his fair share and you are getting a break beyond the essentials (shower etc).

Are you going to a PN group OP? Best thing I ever did. They run one at our Doctors surgery. I went every week. Talked to he hv about weaning etc. and then the 6 of us went for coffee. Laughed and cried. Took tips from eachother. Then we started going round each others houses for coffee.
It really is the best thing. And you learn so much. and make great friends. and get rid of your neurosis !! Every time one of us was worried, the others would say, 'naaah, dd hasn't even started doing that yet.' The other one would say, well ds is 2 weeks older than yours and we've being having it every day for a week. Gives you tips of what you are about to get next !!
Tis a MINE of usefull information and friendship. Get yourself down to your local one, straight away

Don't worry about it . My ds was prem and has severe reflux . The only thing that distracted him was way baloo ( try it , it's magic) .... I don't care what anyone says . Being shouted at 24 hours a day is horrid and if it works I'm gonna use it .

those baby-gym thingys that they can lay under on a mat and kick at and bat hands at are pretty good at that age, ones with music they can set off themselves they tend to like; bouncy chairs are good - my little un could sit in his bouncer and watch mummy+daddy chat or eat and that was entertainment in itself!

Baby Einstein was a godsend in this house. DS1 was a difficult, unsettled baby and this was one of the few things that calmed him. He probably ended up watching a DVD (20 mins or so) most days (often snuggled in my arms) frm about 4 - 8 months. DS2 has been much more placid, but I still do let him have the odd 20 minute baby dvd, for example if it's tea time and I need to cook and he's not happy just to play on the floor. I figure it is far preferable to leaving him howling or feeding them ready meals. They get lots and lots of stimulation in other ways, they are definitely not plonked in front of the TV all day (and actually, from aged about 2, DS1 lost all interest in TV and won't really sit for anything other than Numberjacks or Come Outside) - we read, play outside, go to the park, play with toys on the floor etc etc. My personal opinion is that as long as you are generally stimulating them enough, a small amount of age appropriate TV is unlikely to do much harm. I do try to pop my head round and talk to DS2 about what he is watching - as in "Oh look, it's the turtle again! Hello turtle [wave...]....!", this helps to ease any parental guilt that I feel!

DS is 3 months. He spends his day being cuddled, talked to, being blown raspberries at (his new favourite thing!), being tickled and being sung to. And of course we leave him on the playmat or in his bouncy chair where he has just started looking at and touching the toys.

I found it harder a couple of weeks ago, before he started being interested in the toys on his bouncy chair. And I admit that once or twice when he was whining I would turn the tv on for 5 mins so I could sort my lunch out/take my coat and shoes off etc. But only when I'm alone and desperate for a minute to myself - when DH is here we take it in turns to "entertain" DS if he refuses to be left to his own devices. And we're rewarded with gorgeous smiles and giggles!

He is very easy to entertain and I would be pissed at DH if he stuck the baby in front of the TV. It's not necessary

Sorry if I sound a bit smug but I really do try to avoid the tv. DS is just as happy looking out the window or at some lights

I wouldn't worry about a bit of T.V but maybe he could widen his repertoire- DH used the computer quite a lot . If you can chill out. It would be worse if she was 18 months and he was doing this. Don't worry about "doing things with her". Being an observer is all they need really. If you are bored that is more the issue, so go out and get stimulation from a different environment- that is the best entertainment really.

oh yes, and tons and tons of cuddles, I forgot that .

I am quietly that you have children who are entertained by the TV. DD1 (2.9) will watch for about 20 minutes. DD2 (10mo) hasn't even noticed it yet! Perhaps because she's so busy watching her sister zooming round the house.

My DD is also now 3mos and I must admit she does love looking at the TV. She just seems to like the lights/colours. We don't sit her down in front of it, but it is on while we're in the living room (up on the wall) so if she's sitting in our arms she can see it before she falls asleep.

She is like your DC, she isn't very interested in toys or books yet. She does love kicking about on her play gym though - perhaps your husband could try that? It's a good chance to chat to her and hear her yabbering back. My DD is a little monkey though, we put her on the play gym mat and she turns her head to see the colours of the TV above her! We have to turn it off to get her to pay attention to the toys dangling above he head

DS loved looking at lights generally at this age.
I have to say that I think that putting babies in front of the telly to keep them entertained is pretty sad. At three month DS used to spend quite a bit of time in his chair or on the floor (he did not like the latter too much though). Mind you he was a rather chilled baby.

Blimey, my ds3 is 20 months and just starting to watch tv once a week when his brothers do.
My dc were/are all screamers at 3 months/still and just liked being held. It's a tough age as there's not much back from them but lots of effort from parents. It does get easier!
Lots of evidence that tv before 2/3 yrs not good but lots of people seem to do it.

I'm a terrible mother, I used to dump my dd (still in her car seat) in front of MTV while I dragged the weekly shop in from the car. Was the only way she would stop screaming for me for 5 minutes.