tips for positive discipline/parenting ideas for 3yo DD?

[titferbrains]

I already have that playful parenting book on order.

Feeling a bit sad after a day of DD not listening, refusing to eat, not being gentle with her baby brother, screaming and kicking when she doesn't get her own way etc.

Her behaviour is really frustrating to be around and I will confess that I have let DH deal with her mostly while he's home. But he is very calm with her and never really tells her off/sets boundaries so I either step in or just sit and seethe.

Am really worried about coping once DH is back at work as he is out from 6am to about 8 or 9pm, so I have to deal with a fair bit (I do have CM once a week). DD will be at nursery 5 days a week this term so altho that will give her a nice routine, it will also be very tiring for her initially and I am sure that will impact her behaviour even more. I'll need to be positive and encouraging, but also let her have some downtime/telly time and try to observe when she needs to nap etc. Really don't want to feel permanently irritated with her, which is the case now.

I do think that she is becoming a teeny bit jealous of DS, he happens to be a very nice baby that doesn't cry a lot etc, so he gets a lot of comments, isn't he handsome, what lovely eyes, lovely smile, he's so tiny etc. I try to include DD in compliments but I am sure she is feeling a bit left out.

Any nice half hour activities I can do with her ? I hate arts and crafts but am open to websites that will show me how to be arty!

She is just being a typical 3 yr old. The main thing to do is sit down with DH and work out a joint policy and both stick to it. DCs need boundaries to feel safe.
Jealousy may be a problem but it doesn't mean that she can get away with bad behaviour. Giving her time on her own is a good idea.
I expect that other people will come up with websites but you could try enchanted learning

I didn't really like Playful Parenting. I could kinda see where they were going but it didn't have enough discipline content for me. I kept finding myself asking how will the child learn what is acceptable if you turn everything into a game. Maybe I missed a point.

I'm liking Siblings Without Rivalry, How to talk so your kids will listen and Raising Happy Brothers & Sisters. I gather Cloud & Townsend do a good book on Boundaries too but it's not yet in my library.

Distraction and games have their uses but sometimes you just have to do the unpopular and say 'no'.

It's not the saying no that's a problem, it's her talking back , being disrespectful to adults, shouting, hitting... When she shouts at me, she is imitating the way I shout at her. Even when she plays she tells off her dolls. So I need to change my ways.

My very almost 3 yr old DD answered back to me today that 'bad tempered fellows need to change their ways' when I told her 'no' for squashing her baby brother. I have no advice but wanted to say you are not alone!

I have to change my ways too. I snap and shout back and immediately feel majorly guilty. I can totally hear my mother in my behaviour which makes me feel even worse!! I've bought the book Raising our Children, Raising Ourselves as a step towards improving my behaviour in modelling good behaviour. I haven't quite plucked up the courage to read it yet though. I'm hoping osmosis might work

Don't beat yourself up about it. Observe. Note. Don't judge. Come up with three options to handle better next time
(Make one totally ridiculous just to prove to yourself that you're actually doing ok) then move on. I hear it takes about three months for an adult to really learn a new habit / behaviour pattern so be kind to yourself in the meantime.

I hate arts and crafts too, but I can just about manage very easy activities requiring no creative ability - how about stickers and play doh? My 4yo DD loves playmobil but yours might be a young for that?

Try to leave your DH to parent in his own way - it doesn't matter if it's not exactly how you would do it!

I think you have the problem titferbrain-it isn't what you say-it is what you do-and she is mirroring you behaviour. It isn't easy! I found the best way was to go into a different room, count to ten, go back with a smile and start again in a positive, calm manner.
It doesn't matter if your DH doesn't do it in exactly the same way BUT you do both need to agree and approach or DCs will play one off against the other and it will be 'nice guy daddy' and 'mean old mummy'.
I found that the most useful thing was a parenting course.

When I need some reminders/inspiration I watch clips of Supernanny on youtube, I know she's not everyone's cup of tea, but she does have some good tips on dealing with rudeness, answering back etc and she also deals with how to speak to your children when disciplining i.e. get down to their level and tone of voice, firm but not shouty etc I remember one episode where she gets the mum to practice beforehand! This has just helped me recently when I realised I was letting things slip with my dd2 and watching it got me back on track because I was despairing before!

I feel like a bit of a broken record but I have found How To Talk So Your Kids Will Listen to be very helpful and positive. Siblings Without Rivalry is by the same authors and is also apparently very good.