3yo dd refusing meals - how strict can I be? (don't want to starve her or pander)

[titferbrains]

She was sick in the night about a week ago (twice, with no other complaints). She often goes off her food when ill but this time she keeps on refusing meals. She has been eating some bread and butter, bits of fruit, cereal. But mostly she is refusing hot cooked meals.

Over xmas family have been doing allsorts to try to get her to eat and I think she's now doing it for attention.

I have left her food at her place this evening, she walked in, looked at it and said "Hey, I don't like that. Just take it away!". Along with the food refusal, we are getting a lot of talking back, bad attitude, rudeness etc. I find it very difficult to tolerate this behaviour and want to get quite strict with her over next few days. If I put out food and take it away if she doesn't eat it (after a bit of time and checking if she wants anymore etc) and don't offer anything else, what else should I offer between meals? Ie one morning and evening snack, or nothing in order to build up an appetite? She can run for hours on very little like any toddler.

I am very keen to get her eating normal meals again and also to avoid offering too many "easy" foods, ie pandering to her wants. DH has done a lot of fishfinger suppers over xmas... She was eating a good variety of foods but over last month she has rejected more food than normal.

She has been complaining of tiredness, but GP ran full range of tests earlier this month to make sure iron wasn't low or wasn't underlying illness, but nothing came up. Other big change is arrival of DS 3 months ago, so it cd all be related to jealousy issues.

Just want a consistent way to cope with mealtimes and make it clear to her that I won't put up with playing up etc?

I haven't had this issue to the same extent, but, this is what I do with my 3yr old. Lunch is on the table. She doesn't have to come and eat it (although usually does), if she doesn't then after a while e.g half an hour, I take it away. Cover it and put in fridge. If there's anything that would look manky later e.g. congealing egg etc, I'll throw that bit away. But any bits that are fine such as veg etc, I would just present that at snack time as the snack. I would top up anything that I'd thrown away (so e.g. if lunch had been chicken, I'd put cold chicken on her plate again at snack time). If the food looks gross I don't do it, it's not meant to be a punishment.

I only do this with food I know she likes, and I make sure there is always something on her plate that I know she likes. Admittedly this approach would be difficult if your child has started disliking/claiming to dislike anything and everything, as I wouldn't be happy with forcing a child to eat something they dislike.

Incidentally DD1 seemed very very tired in the weeks after DD2s arrival, although bedtime/wakeup time was the same. I think it was just the emotional upheaval making her tired.

On the other hand, the combination of xmas and illness only a week ago might mean she genuinely just wants more simple cold foods rather than cooked dinners. Maybe you could try doing snack-type cold meals for a few more days and see if she then gets her appetite back for other foods?

I really feel it's more of an attention thing hence my wanting to be strict. If you ask her if she wants to eat she says no thanks, I just want to watch tv...

I suppose the reason this is all a problem is that she is also a pain to put to bed at night and still gets up occasionally. My DH and I are already tired and don't want to give her any reasons for waking up, eg. hunger. So normally we'd do whatever it takes to make sure she has eaten well, try to give her balanced meals, enough to drink and milk if she wants it before bed. Tonight she has gone to sleep with no supper and no milk, just water by her bed.

what do you think I should do about nights? let her have dry cereal? I have done this before just so she can get back to sleep. DH is worried she'll be up all night hungry. I told her earlier that if she woke up hungry it was her own fault and that she wouldn't be able to have milk.

I had a problem like this with ds. I spoke to my HV and she told me that no child will starve themselves. It sounds a bit harsh but I gave ds 3 meals a day with 2 yoghurt's as snacks, if he didnt eat his meals then he went hungry. It was hard as he dragged it out for a few days and woke up at night etc. but I stuck to my guns and he now eats most of his meals and always trys something new if I put it on his plate.
I gave into him to much at the start of this problem and gave him a alternative just so he wasnt hungry but in the end I think this made it worse.

When my 3yo doesn't eat lunch/tea, she gets nothing else, so no snacks, no treats- nothing other than at mealtimes. She does always get a cup of milk before bed regardless of what she's eaten, but she usually gets a wee treat with this - so no treat if she's not eaten her tea.

Toddlers are hardy wee souls and won't come to harm for not eating for a bit in my view. I suspect your DD is having a bit of a power struggle with you and is exerting her control in the only way she can ie through food. I would say make sure that she is getting enough fluids and be consistent in your approach and she'll soon go back to normal. I say this on the basis that you have seen the doctor and ruled out any medical issues.

Well I think I'll try to stick to my guns and say no food tonight if she wakes up.

Good luck! It will be really hard for you if she wakes up but stick to your guns and see what happens.

we have had this with ds4 and i am the same is piffpaffpoff if htey dont eat what htey are given at mealtimes they go hungry so yes ds4 has gone to bed with no dinner MANY times and been fine, he is now gradually getting better and will at least attempt to eat dinner every night now, he doesnt always eat loads tho. he is a big tall boy for his age, so he certainly isnt wasting away and he will eat a massive bowl of porridge etc for his bfast and then is generally fine with lunch now, it just dinner times where he can still refuse but they are graduallyl getting better.