Helping 4 yo deal with lots of change

[vvviola]

DD (4.5) is being absolutely dreadful at the moment. Rude, not listening (she isn't the best at responding to requests at the best of times) and generally acting a bit wired all the time.

I'm putting it down to (mainly) all the changes we've had over the past few months (DC2 being born, we're moving house/country/continent and we're staying with my parents for a while in the middle of it all) She has also gone from a situation of full-time school to being on 'constant holiday' while we move, and due to the difference in school systems, won't be back at school again until August/September next year.

But it still doesn't excuse bad behaviour - and I just don't know how to deal with it, while still accepting that until we get settled in new home, some upset is pretty inevitable.

She is a very strong willed and physical child at the best of times, but I'm really beginning to reach the end of my patience now.

Anyone got any suggestions?

Anyone with ideas? Behaviour was a lot better today now that things have calmed down a little from the Christmas chaos, but we're approaching the biggest period of upheaval soon & I suspect we are in for a bad run.

We emigrated when my dd was five and at school for a term. Then when she got here she didn't go to school for months. And we knew nobody at all. She was so bored and disorientated.

She didn't get cross or have tantrums. She was sad. In the true sense of the word. She was desolate.

She is eight now and we are still here. She is now seeing the school councillor as she feels lonely and different. It's heartbreaking.

Obviously I would have rather she was furious. I think I would have known how to handle that and at least her emotions would have been outside rather than inside.

On a practical level. Try to keep as many things the same as you can. Clothes, bedding, shampoo, activities, food. We lived with my sister before we emigrated and I cooked a lot of the meals so that the dc felt a bit more at home.

I would divvy up the time adults spend with her- I think too much time for one adult at this age is really hard work, especially if they are being difficult (which is entirely understandable for your DD with all the change). Is this possible or are you it as it were in terms of main care giver?

Do you have a routine, or can you create one that gives some stability in terms of how she spends her time?

If it's any consolation I think this can be a tricky age anyway- my DS certainly had a bad few months around this age especially with me, pushing and challenging and screaming (!). He's much better now, so hang on, be consistent and firm, be loving, and give her as much routine and normality as you can within the change. Don't pretend it's not difficult but try to be strong and positive- we moved about 2 years ago and I was very aware that "Mummy entertainment" was it for several months before we made friends which we now have. Also you can talk to them simply in terms of emotions and how they feel and how you feel, I think this really helps so they know how they are feeling is normal and not something to shy away from.

Thanks for your thoughts.

At the moment as we are at my parents it's like her being at her second home, so while there is a bit of turmoil, it is familiar territory. There's also 4 adults to help with entertaining/distraction.

When we move again it will be harder. I'll be a SAHM (huge change for me too) for at least a year. DH will start work v soon after we arrive & we'll be a bit of a distance from his Mum (who wouldnt be as hands on as mine is). So it will be mostly up to me.

We're shipping all her toys/bedding/furniture, so that may help with the familiar things issue.

I think one of the hardest things about keeping her on an even keel emotionally, will be that I may be a bit rocky myself (long distance from my family, unlikely to be home again for 2+ years unless for emergency family stuff, change in my role)

We had another ok day today though. She seems to be settling down a bit, although she has started saying "I don't want to go", I think mainly as a reaction to realising my parents won't be coming She does cheer up a bit when MIL (and moreso step-MIL ) are mentioned.

Seriously, it's not the Terrible Twos, but the Fcking Fours!

Be loving and firm, set boundaries, stick by them. Do not weaken!