Bedtime is a nightmare! Advice needed

[Alfee]

My two year old (26mnths) started to climb out of his cot at bedtime and during the night. I changed his cot to a bed got him a new duvet and he was very excited. I put him to bed around 7-7.30pm at night and turn the light out after say half an hour of stories. He wants me to hold his hand or lie with him for ages and as soon as I leave the room he gets up. This can go on for two hours. In the night at varying times he will come into bed with us. If I put him back into his own bed he will usually go back to sleep with me lying next to him. Bedtime is becoming so stressful - what can I do to keep him in his bed?

I had similar probs with ds and am about to with ds2. We just out a stairgate at his door and let him play with his toys. Initially he would fall asleep on the floor and we would then out him into bed, then he would play for a while and then climb into bed, now he goes straight to bed. Providing ds1 doesn't freak (he has a bit of a thing about stairgates now) I'll try the same method with ds2 when he goes into a bed in a few weeks time.

No advice sorry, but commiserations, ds (28 months) is very similar. Wants someone to be sitting with him until he falls asleep (normally takes an hour to put him to bed). Was just about tolerable but now I have a new baby and I have no idea how I'm going to put him to bed tonight when dd seems to have a feeding frenzy at the same time.
Stairgate wouldn't work for us - ds would be up and out in a shot.

Ummm, deja vu! How long is it since he has been in his bed?
We had the same problem re stairgate, he could easily get over one. I started out when DS first went into a bed by always staying with hm, so that he never got the idea of getting out. Then my evenings, like yours, developed into lying on the floor next to his bed, AND I twigged, he was staying awake just because I was there. So I spent a couple of evenings systematically putting him back every time he got out. Eventually he has got the habit. I found that waiting til he was drooping with tiredness before putting him in bed helped, as did giving him a beaker of milk in bed and leaving it with him (tho' that is probably a Crime against Teeth). Plus very quiet calming music in the room. Also, not letting him know that there is any inteesting life in the house once he has gone to bed. I usually go out of the room saying "I'm going to put my Jimjams on now, night night" Good luck. i think this is one of those problems that looms up just when you think everything is sorted!

I think my toddler would either climb over the stairgate or push it out that's how resourceful he is. There would also be chronic screaming!

He has been in his bed for almost a week and had been climbing out of his cot for two weeks. So I know it's early days. I will keep trying the systemmatic 'putting him back in bed' appproach along with stairgate. Soft music might be worth atry too. Thank you.

We have this - we have to pretend that we are going noght nights too!! Or at least DH does. When I am in on my own with him, I just leave him - he cries for about 30 seconds and then goes to sleep. He knows that daddy is a much softer touch than horrible mummy and therefore does not pull the same stunts with me that he does with DH. I honestly think you have to do what works for you but I have found that the only way to crack DS is to walk away and listen to him crying until he stops (horrible but short lived and if you even put one foot on the stairs the crying stops instantly - there are no tears. Toddlers are very cunning, methinks)

When he was in his cot this was no problem. He would cry for a bit and then get himself to sleep. Know he knows he can just get up out of bed. Someone suggested that I stop his daytime sleep. He still has a good two hours lunchtime. Perhaps this would make him drop off at 7ish rather than 9ish!

Ah so there is an advantage to being dyspraxic then..... (for me anyway). Luckily ds2 whilst not dyspraxic is pretty crap at motor planning as well so I suspect the stair gate will stump him as well- also helped by the fact he's never seen a stair gate in his life so should be a big shock.

When we had to remove the stairgates with ds1 (as he get headbutting them) we did have a problem with ds1 for a while. In his case we found that shutting his door for 20 seconds worked, - he then seemed to understand that he had to stay in bed- but that was our punishment for "going too far", I doubt that it would work generally (or now for us come to that- and it wouldn't work for ds2).

I had the same problem with ds1 but I put the stargate up at his door (higher of the floor so he couldn't climb it) When I put him to bed we read 1 or 2 stories then I say its time for sleep. most of the time he goes off pretty well buton the occassions he doesn't I go up & tell him that if he doesn't want to sleep yet he can play with his toys as long as he is quite because Lucy, Ben & simon from down the road are all asleep & he doesn't want to wake them up. This seems to work so far. Admittedly it wasn't all this easy going to begin with. YES I had banging at the gate, screaming & crying etc but it got less & less as the days went on. The main thing is not to give in, if you say NO thats it...follow it through...it can be heart breaking & seem cruel but they are just testing boundaries. Once they realise the routine evryone becomes happy.

We were terrible parents, and shut ds into his room, keeping the handle shut with a "stretchie" (bungee elastic with hooks on it) attached to another door handle, so he could only open the door an inch or two (variation of Toddler Taming's "rope trick" ). He wasn't distressed by it and would go back and play - like Jimjams' ds he would often fall asleep on the floor, so we would go in later and put him into the bed.

He was 2 and 1/2 and by that time would have been able to climb over a stairgate, so that wasn't an option.

He did eventually get into the routine of actually going to sleep in his bed.

I think persistence and determination is the key - and doing it in a way that he doesn't get something that he sees as a "reward" for getting up - like extra time with mummy.

My ds has recently moved into a bed and we have not had any problems with him staying there. He does not sleep in the afternoon and by seven he is so tired he wants his milk and he wants to sleep. We have always used one of those sleeping bags for him since he was born, so he knows he can not stand up!! I don't know what will happen once he is too big for the biggest size though...

Due to new baby I have been spurred into action on ds's bedtime demands.
Monday night I began as usual, reading his stories (but with baby in the room), he fussed about actually getting into bed, took one hour to persuade by which time I was getting fed up with him, sat holding his hand/stroking his hair for 20 mins then dd wanted feeding so made the decision to get tough and told him Mummy had to go now - He screamed, cried, unzipped his sleeping bag and climbed out of the bed. I left the room (stood outside) for 1 minute then went back in, zipped him up and put him back to bed, staying very calm and keeping a really calm voice, said 'Night night now, see you in the morning'. Then repeated for 20 minutes, he finally got the message and fell asleep.
Last night didn't do any sitting with him, just stories, into bed (lots of protesting but ignored it), and said ' Mummy's going to bed now ' and stood outside. This time he was asleep within 10 mins with only 6 'curtain calls' to put him back to bed.
Looks like it's working.... could you try something similar Alfee?

Alfee God this is so much like what my 6 yr old was like up auntil 6mths ago, now he plays up occasionally at bed time, i stressed out over him so much! leave him - he needs to learn how to sleep alone, don't ignore him , i would go in to my son and explain that no i will not stay there until he is asleep, but i would stay and hold his hand etc for 5 mins and then go away again, it was so stressful and it took about two and half wks of this, which doesn't sound that long, but believe me it is when yr in and out every 5 mins, but it worked!!!!

Alfee - maybe you could cut his daytime nap to just 1hour. If he comes to yr room at night take him straight back, it's hell at first but believe me it does work. Stay consistent and don't give in. Good Luck!

After a week of putting ds back to bed every time he got out, and standing outside his room rather than sitting in with him, we have success.
Last night we read his storybooks then popped him into bed and he snuggled down with no complaints.
I stood outside and could hear him chattering but when I went in (5 mins) expecting complaints I found that he was reciting bits of his books.
He hasn't tried to get out of bed during the night for the last few nights (although did call for me at 4am on one night - fell asleep the moment I showed up).
He has started to get himself up in the morning, and I tend to meet him on the landing rather than be summoned to his bed by screaming.
Hope this gives you hope Alfee.