Discipline for a younger toddler?

[SpanglyGiraffe]

DS who is now 21 months, went through a phase a few moths ago of slamming his head against walls, spectacular tantrums, headbutting, hitting etc. I would tell him it was wrong, and then ignore him until he'd calm down, or I'd try & distract him. It seemed to be a short phase, and for the last months he's been fine, apart from a lot of tantrums.
This last couple of weeks however, has been impossible. He's being really violent, hitting, pinching, biting, headbutting, whenever I try & tell him no, when he's doing something wrong. He laughs when he's doing it, so I'm sure he KNOWS that it's wrong. He's doing it to all his grandparents and his dad, and he's besotted with them all.
Do I tell him no, then put him down and walk away? I'm reading Jo Frosts toddler book, but she says to only use things like the naughty step when theyre two and a half.
I really am at a loss as to what to do. I feel like he's out of control, an Im not doing the right things to stop him
At the end of November, DS & I moved back into my mums, and he stayed for a week at his dads while I was moving everything, so Im wondering is this a delayed reaction to the move? He's also been poorly on & of with various viruses erc, and I've probably been a bit softer on him while he's been I'll.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated! I'm at a loss at to what to do, and I don't want it getting any worse!
Sorry of this doesn't make much sense, I'm on my phone so can't go back & check what I've written!

Oo that sounds tough. What we do with our 18 month old is give him a warning and then he has to sit on one of our laps for 5 minutes. It's the same idea as the naughty step but cuddlier. It also means we can talk to him about what he did wrong and work out whether he's angry or frustrated or just pushing boundaries. Don't know if it would work in your case but seems to work for us.

Hi spangly, no advice I'm afraid, but joining the thread because I have similar issues with DD2 (also 21 months). Huge temper issues, throws stuff around hits her head against the floor, pinches, scratches and hits... Over nothing! This morning we had a trashing of the play kitchen because I wanted to wipe her nose?

Unlike yours she doesn't laugh though, she's just full of rage and frustration.

I also don't really know what to do about it - don't feel like I can just ignore it, if she's damaging things and hurting people.

I guess this is the terrible twos (early!) and I must have just gotten off spectacularly easily with DD1 who has never, ever behaved like this...

It does help to know I'm not alone! And I'll be reading with interest any replies you get...

Only thing I can think of is to give her a time out in her cot, but she bashes her head against the bars, so I'm not really comfortable with that. I'm trying to make sure I give get plenty if positive attention at other times too, but it seems to make no difference.

Good luck!

db
xx

Keep them as calm as possible, promote settled behaviour when you can, and try to distract them from the object of their outrage when they kick off. If this doesn't work, let them them have their paddies, but just protect them from harm for the duration, and then cuddle them when it's over and they are worn out. Works very well - I have four stroppy bundles and this approach civilised them nicely.

Thankyou all for your replies!
It's so hard isn't it db! Good luck to you too. I've also tried the cot, and had a similar reaction!! If I do try & hold him to calm him down, he gets more & more violent!
Thankyou Boffinmum, it's so hard trying to stay calm all the time, but I know I must.

DS also 21 months, occasional tantrums. Step one distract: "oooh (in very excited voice), come and see this". Step two: leave and totally ignore. When I can't do that because we are in public for example, we leave whatever we are doing and sit in the car till he calms down or go home.

I find just saying "no" without offering an alternative a bit hard at the moment. DS just doesn't get that "no" means "don't do that, do something else of your choice which might be OK and might not be". We also pick our battles, quite often he won't have his coat put on, so I leave it off, bring it out with us and it goes on later. No harm results.

Yesterday however he went absolutely ape, about nothing as far as we could see. I put him in his cot and told him as soon as he calmed down we would get him. He screamed and shouted for what felt like ages. We waited on the landing outside his room. The second he calmed down I got him and he was fine, and pleased to see me. I hope this might teach him that being angry and loud will not get him as far as being calm. Who knows?

It sounds from your OP that you and your partner have recently split. This can't help and I feel for you. I'm sure the change does not help, nor will any lack of consistency. Some people would say I'm mean, but I don't go easy on DS when he is ill, I still expect him to sleep and behave himself, and bless him he usually does.

Thank you sprinkles. I'm definitely going to try harder with the distraction idea I think! No major meltdowns today, thank goodness, but I feel like I'm always in edge waiting for one!
My exp & I split about a year ago, but we are still good friends and I'm very close with his family, so hopefully it's made it a lot easier for DS to adjust.
I don't blame you for staying string when your DS is Ill. I need to take a leaf out of your book I reckon. When DS was last poorly, he spent every night for a week in my bed & it was a nightmare getting him back into his bed afterwards!

I had the same probs with DS. He had major tantrums between about 14-18 months. I had the "he's far too young to understand" comments, but I knew he did. His speech was very good and he had a good understanding of what I was telling him. Distraction tactics worked more around 12 months but soon stopped being effective.

For something which was a one off or a first time thing, i'd simply tell him a stern no and a brief explanation as to why - one which I knew he'd understand. If he did it again, he'd be removed from the situation and then if he did it again he went into time out. I didn't have a specific area - just somewhere away from me where he wasn't having any attention for his behaviour - usually same room, just the other side perhaps.

He caught on very quickly and now at 2.1 I have no problems whatsoever. I haven't had a single tantrum since July! He still has his explanations if he does something wrong for the first time and then he'll have a time out warning if he does it again and that's enough to stop him. Let's hope they don't start again soon!