Toddlers chewing their toys - acceptable or not?

[Listzilla]

DD is 18 months and likes to put her toys in her mouth; so her new Duplo set (I took out the smaller pieces so there's nothing that would constitute a choking hazard) and anything similarly sized ends up in her mouth frequently. I don't mind this particularly, the way I see it she's just investigating her toys and her mouth, she's always supervised and I don't leave anything around that she could hurt herself with.

My parents mind her two days a week and they have a massive fridge magnet collection. DD adores playing with them, taking them off the fridge, putting them back on, putting them in her trolley and wheeling them around the house, and. inevitably, putting them in her mouth.

Because of this, my parents are investing great effort into telling DD not to put things in her mouth. I don't really think it's worth teaching her that at this stage as it results in a constant stream of 'No!' and 'Ah-ah!' which she just finds funny and ignores - or she'll say 'Ah-ah!' herself as she puts them in her mouth. I'd rather remove inappropriate things from her reach and let her mouth the safe stuff, and save the discipline for more important issues. She's still very little, after all.

I realise that I'm in no position to tell them how to babyproof their house, or to insist that they allow her to chew their belongings (especially when they're not designed for kids!), but I do think it's confusing for DD to have two totally different sets of rules enforced by different people.

Am I being too lax?

I'm with you in this one. DD is 2 1/2 and still likes to chomp on things although it has started to tail off now. I think it is something that can be largely ignored as usually the child will stop of their own accord. I did go through a phase of keep telling her but it got really tedious as she seemed to not be able to help it or to actively rebel. It was more hassle than it was worth TBH. Am interested to see other people's replies though.
As far as being consistent, I do agree that you should have a similar approach so should perhaps sort something out that you are all happy with.

i've been wondering this as i have a 26month old and a 3 1/2yr old and they still like to put things in their mouth a lot. they were major dummy addicts until a few months ago and obviously still have a 'need' to suck things. i really don't like it but am trying to let it go as i sucked my thumb for years so feel like bit of a hypocrite but do spend a lot of time telling them to take toys out their mouths. sometimes it feels like i spend all day saying "out your mouth"!

have you discussed it with them? if your dd is that attached to the magnets then how about asking your parents to give her a break for a couple of months (stop telling her not to put things in her mouth, just leave her to it) then discuss it again and see how much she's doing it.

DS (16 months) can put his own things in his mouth, but not my things. If he starts chewing anything of mine I just take it away and put it out of reach.

I don't think there's anything wrong with saying 'That's Mummy's/Nana's/dirty/the dogs - take it out of your mouth' and leaving her alone if she's chewing her own things if you are happy for her to do so. I'm a bit 'selective' because I don't mind somethings chewed but don't like to see things ruined - so tend to 'turn a blind eye' to somethings and not others.

RitaMorgan, that would be my approach. I think not letting her put anything but food in there is excessive and likely to drive everyone mad, including her!

naturalbaby, I've tried discussing it with them but they're not willing to change their approach. They think I'm being unreasonable to allow it - I get the impression they think it's lazy of me.

OP do they really think its unreasonable for an 18mo old to put stuff in her mouth?! Crikey, I think I've just come across another one of those things that I didn't even realise people might judge one for!!

I'm with you OP. I totally agree that it's a good way of exploring and to save 'no' for when it's needed. My DD is a big put everything in her mouth type of person and I just do a sweep of the flat every morning for small stuff/stuff I don't want chewed and let her get on with it. If other people want to try and stop her chowing down on duplo etc they are welcome but I think it's pretty futile.

I don't think you need to worry about the mixed messages thing though. Even at 18mo they have an inkling of different rules for different people (nursery behaviour vs home behaviour for example). Also because you would remove stuff from her mouth that was genuinely dangerous and explain why, removing stuff from her mouth at your mums with an explanation like "we can't chew that because it belongs to x" is not totally dissimilar. I think it's probably quite good to learn there are some things you can't do/touch in certain places. (I guess I probably am a bit lazy in pre-emptively removing anything I don't want touched because I hate saying no!)

I've noticed the older generation getting more worked up about this sort of thing than we are. Is it their worries about hygiene and choking more than that they want to keep their fridge magnets sacrosanct? It didn't work with my 98-year-old gran, but my mum has kind-of accepted - after I explained that if he wasn't chewing x he would just pick up y and chew that, which was clearly the case - that my baby's addiction to chewing everything in sight is not a great threat to his health (provided not hot, sharp, poisonous, etc). It is, of course, the normal way for a baby to explore their world and helps them build up immunity to germs. If they're still teething, stopping them is well-nigh impossible; they can't carry a teether everywhere with them while they crawl, so chewing on things is instinctive.

I'm of the view that you have to choose your battles and this type of thing is unimportant and might distract your child from understanding the importance of your "No!" when attempting something dangerous.