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Original poster

My Son...

12 replies

theenchantedhood · 25/12/2011 20:48

Age 2.3 - won't eat; won't talk; will not conform and now is waking every night and coming in with us.

DD was born in June. Since then we've seen improvements and regression month to month. Sometimes babbling and I think he's on the verge and the words stop again.

Just had dinner over my IL's and he ate nothing - did not want anything AT ALL. At the moment he'll eat beans, sometimes toast, a tiny tiny bit of banana today. Chocolate, yogurt and any form of junk is normally eaten :( As in he has gone in the fridge and helped himself or been offered at parties etc and eaten. I was ecstatic when he ate some ham a couple of weeks ago but hasn't since. So fed up of offering/wasting food! Both our Mums say we were incredibly poor eaters (my mum went to doctor with me and broke down).

If you tell him no he'll drop or carry on. He has so much aggression towards DD (breastfed). He was BF to 15m.

Since mid Nov he's started coming in with us around 12. Was sleeping through to the morning in his own bed although he has had a chesty cough last couple of weeks but this started before then..

He's been referred for social behaviour, a hearing test and speech therapy but I just don't know how much of this is control..

Would be so grateful for experience and advice! I love him dearly but I am feeling like I've done it all wrong and subsequently - a poo parent :(

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 25/12/2011 20:56

You say he won't eat. But he hasn't starved to death yet. And as you say, you and your DH were both poor eaters, and you are both still alive.

He does not conform. I am yet to meet a 2 yo who will conform.

He is comming in with you every night. He want to be with you. It's perfectly reasonable considering you've had a new baby.

It doesn't sound like you've done anything wrong. He's still virtually a baby.

happyAvocado · 25/12/2011 21:01

What is he drinking/
How much milk in 24 hour period?

musttidyupmusttidyup · 25/12/2011 21:06

It sounds like you are having a really hard time OP. when I was desperate with DS1 when he was 2.3 ish I read
this
It gave me some good solid ideas to tackle some of his behaviour and stoppede from going crazy.
He's now 4.5 and an absolute superstar.

Original poster
theenchantedhood · 25/12/2011 21:07

Reassuring - Thanks LS.

He still has a bottle in the morning Avocado and one at night. I know too much for the morning but he is a stickler for routine first thing.. It's all he wants when he wakes up :(

OP posts:
Original poster
theenchantedhood · 25/12/2011 21:12

Thank you so much musttidyup I will look into it!

OP posts:
musttidyupmusttidyup · 25/12/2011 21:19

One of the parts that sticks in my mind is that he recalls a situation where a parent says her son won't eat... He says how long... Well it will take about 40 days to starve to death so give me a call if he hasn't eaten anything after a month. I remind myself of that when they are being a bloody pain about food. Grin
Not making light of your situation though OP I know it's bloody hard with a difficult toddler and a baby.

Original poster
theenchantedhood · 25/12/2011 21:23

I appreciate light! :) It's just embarrassing in front of InLaws.. And the talking is stressing me out - the constant saying "No!" :(

OP posts:
Original poster
theenchantedhood · 25/12/2011 21:24

And continually saying no I mean...

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 25/12/2011 22:26

Continually saying "NO!" is what 2.3 year old boys do, IME. (Or maybe it was just my boys Hmm) Yes, it is embarrassing, especially when grandparents have forgotten that small children are not all sweetness and light.

Hang in there, when they are 4yo you can actually reason with them.

tryingtobemarypoppins2 · 25/12/2011 22:37

theenchantedhood I can highly recommend a prep school nursery as they often have formal cooked meals and really encourage the importance of eating together. Also they tend to be smaller so will have a little more time to help him develop his little voice. Our takes nursery vouchers, has swimming thrown in for free and we pay hardly anything on top. It has been amazing to see the difference in DS as we were in the same situation as you last year.

EtInTerraPax · 25/12/2011 23:17

All good nurseries have formal cooked meals, and encourage eating together, prep school or no! If he hasn't been in a nursery before starting one now may mean he feels he is being pushed-out of the family though, by his sibling's arrival.

I think this is probably a combination of new sibling, and general 2yo-ness Smile

Please don't feel like a bad parent- toddlers like to control us, because they have so little control over their lives.
Ignore the bad, praise the good, keep offering food- the same food you're having, take it away at the end of the meal if he doesn't eat it (try to have at least 1 thing he does like). Don't worry about his 'no's- brush them off breezily, and move on- "oh, you don't want any banana today? That's a shame, because my banana tastes delicious, never mind."

Please don't worry about what other people think- lots of 2yos are v fussy eaters, and both your mums said you were both fussy too, so they do remember.

I don't have any experience with the agression towards sibling I'm afraid (other then my own toddler years ). Whenever mine have hit/snatched, I have always reinforced "We don't hit people, especially not smaller people- we take care of people smaller than ourselves". I am very grateful neither of mine stayed in that phase for very long.

If you've concerns about his speech, see your HV, or GP, and they can refer you to SALT.

It is such hard work when they're at these ages, and they know full well how to push our buttons! I hope things improve soon (and hopefully now DD is bigger, they will).

georgiegirl15 · 28/12/2011 22:31

Hi. Am experiencing something similar myself wit our DS who is 3y9months. DD was born in June and he has been a nightmare. Not sleeping, coming into our room when previously he had been in his own bed - we combatted this by not engaging with him and putting him back - it was hard at the time but he now knows he needs to be his own bed. DD is also breastfed he goes through phases where he will eat and then times he wont't. We have just gone with it and served up family meals, kept to our rules - eat all your meal if you want dessert etc. He is still in this phase bu comes oout of it when he chooses. Everyone I have spoken to has said its a phase - doesn't help at the time. Chin up and keep on going. Try taking him to a tinytalk o similar baby signing class - this helped my little one a lot - our baby also signs her needs too. Most 2 year olds display behaviour foibles its part of being a 2 year oldand trying to make sense of the world around them and their place in it - a huge ask for someone so little especially when they have had such a big change.

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