now what the hell do I do?

[chipkid]

The last two nights, my ds, 4 has woken in the night for one reason or another and has flown into the most terrible rage-trashing his bedroom, yelling at me to get out etc-this is totally out of character-he has always been a very good sleeper.
Today I went back to work part-time after 18 months on maternity leave. I was worried about 15 month old dd who has never been left before. (dd is fine with it incidentally) Ds went to nursery from 7 months whilst I worked. He told me that he is upset about me going back to work and wants me there with him always
I just never thought he would have a problem with it
feel utterly terrible and am sitting here crying my eyes out

18 mths is a long time in his life. please don't feel terrible and don't stop working because of this (ie if you do want to work and enjoy it) because it'll send him all the wrong signals about Life and the way things work. he'll have to sort out problems and difficult feelings for himself when you're not around (now, and later). I know this must feel shit when you've just had lots of changes but I'm sure someone will come up with some practical suggestions you could try.

I have found 4yo to be clingier than 7m or 15m or 18m, even! And 4yo to be generally difficult.
I don't know what you can do, but try to talk to him & try to brazen out his moods, otherwise.
This sounds a bit obvious, but if you can figure out what triggers his temper (usually something seemingly trivial) & try to deflect it will help a lot. You may have to pander to him a bit... even though it feels like you are bending over backwards to accomodate his mood, it may be more bearable than enduring his tantrums.
-mZ (past & current owner of 4yos)

thankyou bundle for your kind words. In my head
I know what you say is true. So difficult to feel that I have abandoned him.
Thankyou also mz, for your suggestions. It is helpful to know that 4 is a difficult time anyway-thought we would be through the worse by now!!!!
had a difficult day at work-15 month old broke her heart when I left! spent the morning hiding away in tears!
think we all have some adjusting to do!

Chipkid, my 4 yo DS is a complete clingster too. I have just gone back to work this week after 2 weeks off over Christmas and he has been very difficult. DH is also away all this week, which doesn't help as both DS's really miss him.

Don't feel terrible, at least he is getting things off his chest and telling you what is the matter with him and you can talk about it. IME 4yo's think they are the centre of the universe - after all you are probably the centre of his - and can get very put out over nothing. He might also be feeling extra tired and over stimulated if he is in a new childcare environment.

When either of my DS's are going through a stressful time I wind back a year or two and treat them both as I would a child a bit younger (e.g. DS1, aged 8, gets treated like a 6yo for a couple of days). I don't mean that I baby them, and the same ground rules about behaviour still apply, but it seems to reassure them a bit.