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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Mealtimes - Gah!

16 replies

Biscuitsandtinsel · 22/12/2011 13:11

Hi, I could do with some advice please.

DS is 3.2 and I am FED UP of constantly having to nag him through meals. He will eat a reasonable range of food, and it's not that I'm giving him things he doesn't like, but he just will not get on and eat it.

He loves Shreddies, but every morning he'll sit with the bowl, suck his thumb like its about to fall off, and just won't eat the bloody things. I'm do sick of listening to myself saying 'eat your shreddies', 'stop waving your spoon around, put your shreddies in your mouth' etc. And it's the same every meal, whethe it's breakfast, lunch or dinner.

He'll say 'can you help me' but he really doesn't need help to put food on a fork or a spoon and put it in his mouth. Obviously if it is at all difficult I would help him, like cutting stuff up etc, but I am sure this is 100% done for attention.

It's just become a routine that I nag him all the way through the task (I'm not proud of this!)

We have similar, but less battle-like issue switch, for example, getting dressed in the morning.

I just don't know how to break the cycle ? I know that when he's at nursery he doesn't have someone feeding him, or nagging him, he just has to get on with it. So this is just something e does here.

It's the same with sandwiches, or hot food or whatever. And it takes over the whole mealtime because you can't talk about anything else because you instantly trying to he him to actually eat something.

No, I've just tried something different today. After he'd had his dinner for 20 mins (one of his favourite meals too) I said he could have another 10 minutes and then I was taking it away. Sure enough, he'd eaten perhaps another 3 or 4 mouthfuls within the time, but I have just taken it away and I think it's given him a bit of a shock.

I'm just not sure what to do - any tips?

Apologies that this is so rambling - am posting on my phone so I can't go back a re-read it, or check for typos.

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Dalrymps · 22/12/2011 13:17

My ds (4) is exactly like this. I think it is an attention thing. He has always been a fussy eater, well he likes a lot of things but is t overly bothered about food and eats small amounts.

We do end up nagging him a lot and it's a total PITA when you're just trying to eat your own meal and relax.

I'd say the only way to stop it is to do what you have started to do. No nagging (however tempting), a warning that the mealtime will end soon then taking it away. I get if you're consistent with this and keep going with it he'll start to improve.

We keep trying to stop the nagging with our ds but accidentally slip back in to doing it again. It's just so annoying when he sits there messing about and everyone else had finished eating

crapistan · 22/12/2011 13:20

You could try using a timer. 20 minutes is enough.

I would put the food in front of him then leave him and get on with your own food. You could tell him what you will do together once he's finished. When he's running out of time, tell him lunch time is almost over, does he want to eat or not? Tell him the food will go away when the timer is finished. You need to be prepared to take it away and throw it away, don't let him manipulate you into giving it back. You might have to do this a few time but he will get the message. If he's not hungry, fine, he will eat the next meal.

windywoos · 22/12/2011 13:20

DD was like this at 3 and it lasted about 18 months. In the end we gave up and sometimes she ate nothing, despite liking the food. It made her lethargic and whiny and was not a happy time. She got a really nasty virus once which gave her a 10 day temperature and after that started eating fine and we haven't looked back since. She is definitely a better eater in the summer for some reason.

Original poster

Biscuitsandtinsel · 22/12/2011 13:22

Thanks Dairymps - I find it reassuring that mine isn't the only one (although sorry you're having the same thing!).

Ive just taken his dinner away and he cried for about 2 minutes saying he wanted it back, but then stopped and seems fine about it now.

I know it's hard when they don't 'get' the concept of time exactly, so he doesn't fully get that we might have to be somewhere at a certain time.

I hate the nagging though - I 100% need to stop it!

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Original poster

Biscuitsandtinsel · 22/12/2011 13:26

Sorry cross posted with a few of you

Thank you - I think I need to stop the nagging and just leave him to it - give him some reminders about how long is left and then just take it away.

I think as a few have said he doesn't eat loads - he very rarely says he's hungry etc. so I don't mind as much if he doesn't finish the meal, but I would like him to start eating it when we sit down and stop when he's full, iyswim. Like a normal person

OP posts:

Dalrymps · 22/12/2011 13:28

It's so hard when you know it's something they like and that they could do with eating it!
I think you just have to stay strong and be consistent. Something I need to work on!

Original poster

Biscuitsandtinsel · 22/12/2011 13:28

Of course I don't want to turn him into a gobbler who's cleared his plate in 5 seconds flat - I'm only after perfect table manners that the queen would be proud of

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crapistan · 22/12/2011 13:29

Maybe a timer where you can see the time going by would be good? Something like an egg timer but a longer time.

Original poster

Biscuitsandtinsel · 22/12/2011 13:31

Yes. - timer like that would be good - I wonder if something exists because he doesn't 'get' time yet, so it needs to be some visual sort of thing, like you say - a huge egg timer.

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Original poster

Biscuitsandtinsel · 22/12/2011 16:06

Hmmmm, just as I thought!

I'm at ds's nursery Christmas party with him (I have to stay as its not his normal day) and they're all sat down eating their sandwiches etc and he is just tucking in like everyone else.

Busted!

OP posts:

lolalotta · 22/12/2011 21:25

Can't work out how to do the link but there is a thirty minute sandtimer on Amazon for children if that is any help... Quite expensive though!

Original poster

Biscuitsandtinsel · 22/12/2011 21:28

Roughly how much? Just to help me looking for it...

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screamingeels · 22/12/2011 22:37

DD (4) is like this too - as she has to sit at the table for dinner even if she isn't going to eat she has taken to sitting upside down on her chair. I am dreading the great round of relative visiting which is Christmas - though if anyone can stern her out of it it's great auntie beryl!

Original poster

Biscuitsandtinsel · 22/12/2011 23:29

I wonder if your Great Aunty Beryl would consider nipping round to ours?

OP posts:

lolalotta · 23/12/2011 06:57

It's £11.10!

skybluepearl · 24/12/2011 23:17

get a timer and put it on the table. Explain that the food will be taken away after 20 mins when timer goes off and then say no more about it. Chat nicely about the day and enjoy sons company. Follow through when the alarm goes off.

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