Moving house next week - need tips for reducing stress for my dds (2yrs and 5yrs)

[Wills]

The packers are coming next Wednesday to pack and we move into rented accomodation the following day. Because its a rental place we can't paint it and the agreement even bans putting up pictures. Its only for 7 months whilst we hunt for a place elsewhere but already my 5 year old has a nervous cough. Its the 5 year old that I'm most worried about. She comes across as confident but unfortunately doesn't take well to change. (Each time she moved up a year at school it pretty much takes her most of the first term to settle) Her existing bed was built in and wont be coming with us so we're buying her a new one but it wont be delivered for 6 weeks so we're making out she's camping etc.

On the Wednesday evening when our existing house will be fully packed up ready to move I expect the place to be fairly bleak and miserable. Would it be better for her to be present during this time or should I arrange for both of them to stay at their Nana's. The problem with staying at Nana's (my mother) is that she's very anti this move (we're eventually moving 100 miles away to start a new life etc). I could also arrange for her to stay with a close friends. What do you think. Is it better for her to be away during this bit or is it better for her to witness it? The 2 year old is far more easy going.

Other advice very welcome.

If it's practicable I would suggest that she is around to witness it - it may be less of a shock and will give you lots to talk about (particularly if she needs to talk about it later on). Obviously I don't know your dd but I would think she may find it more difficult to be presented with a fait accompli than if she is part of the process.

Has she visited the new house yet, or seen it from the outside if that's not possible? A visit before she moves may help her to settle in ("I'm having the room with the green carpet/blue walls"etc). Also if she is there she could direct where she wants her furniture to go etc. Empowerment goes a long way!

Wills I also have a very sensitive dd1 who copes badly with change

I would arrange for her to stay with friends if she enjoys going there - make it a treat.

Do her bedroom up before she gets there, leaving just a box of things out that she can help put around the place.

You could buy a big pinboard and prop it up against the wall to pin her pix and some photos on (we do this with dd1 and its our house - just havent got round to actually putting it up )

Pander to her as much as you can and arrange as many treats (video night, fave meals) as you can be bothered with

Aren't you pg as well? You poor thing hope you've got lots of help

I dont recommend your mum IIRC she is rather like mine - she wouldnt be able to stop herself going on and on about it

Can you trust Nana not to give the children the benefit of her views on the move? If so I think it would be really nice for them to stay with her. Otherwise I would steer clear. You could always explain to your DD what is going to happen and ask her whether she would like to go and stay with Nana/friends or stay and help.

We moved the week before Christmas, into a great house but "in need of renovation", with a 3yr and a 1yr old, so I do sympathise. I found with the 3yr old that he was calmer if he thought he was helping - I bought two medium-sized shiny blue boxes and asked him to sort out his and his brother's favourite toys/stories into them so that they could stay with them during the move and have them to play with during all the chaos. Don't know if it would work for you.

Thanks to everyone, you've certainly given me ideas. Enid yep am pregnant.

How would the last evening go if you ordered a pizza (or fav. takeaway) and all sat in the living room reminiscing about life in the house but also about all the exciting things you will be doing in the new house and area and how much fun it will be to discover the new area etc.

Oh Wills, best of luck with this. If you possibly can, keep her with you so she can see the packing process, and if you can manage it, see you and dh looking forward cheerfully to this staging post in your move to a new life ultimately (I was gutted to leave the area where we used to live and cried buckets so it was a good thing ds, who was 1 then, was elsewhere).
Don't send her to your mother's, I think. From what you have said about her in the past she might not refrain from bad-mouthing the whole project and glumming up the rented accom.
Enid's idea of a proppable pinboard sounds really good...

Hi Marina,

Guess what ... It looks as though no dd3.....

We moved a short time ago and I took the 2 children to stay with my parents. In the few days before we went I gave ds (age 3.5) a few boxes to pack his own toys etc. He spent hours packing and repacking to make sure it was all ok. When we got to the new house a few days later I showed him his new room and all the boxes he had packed, then let him open them all and check it was all there.
It really helped him to feel part of it all but avoided the stress and hassle of him being around on the day.

Wills ! Welcome to the world of Boy...they are just as fab. So glad you are seeing your long-term plans gradually coming to fruition. Will come down and check out the action when you are finally settled

wills, good luck. Have just moved in to rented accommodation ourselves - spookily similar!

I definitely think have her there to see lots of the packing, and some of the settling in at the other end. But is there someone who could take her on a fun outing when she gets bored or fed up with it? This is what we did with our son.

Also was VERY important to him that we said goodbye to every room in our old house, specially his room obviously - first refused to do it, then I picked him up and he put his head on my shoulder and gave a little whimper....but he did it and I'm sure it's good practice.

I honestly don't think there's much you can do, she will just have to make the change and adjust in her own time - but I really think it must help, the more positive and jolly you are about the new place - tough I guess for you as it's only rented and not ideal - but present it as ideal and she will feel re-assured.

Our son had three broken nights once we moved in but is already back to normal with sleep. The first two evenings I sat in with him while he went to sleep. But I haven't 'pandered' to him if you know what I mean. I think by keeping the expectations the same around routine and bedtime, he feels it's not such a big thing - if I was all over him, changing things I think this would actually raise his anxiety levels.

I think treat is a big adventure and this will help her. I'm sure you'll be fine and I wish you lots of luck in your new area x

Dexter - on the nail! Its trying to find the right level between giving the extra reassurance without spooking her. Thank you for your ideas.

oh, and I meant to say that although she will experience real anxiety I'm sure, home is actually where mum and dad are! don't forget the real security lies there and that will not change, so don't worry too much about it yourself.