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Behaviour/development

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worried ........and depressed

7 replies

energyless · 11/01/2006 12:04

Have started to worry about the level of my two year olds joint attention.
A bit of background - have suffered severe pnd on and off and am currently back on anti-depressants. Have been to see various health profesionals about dd , including a few visits to a pedi. ( not developmental , but attached to a big local child development centre)
My ds (4) is so interactive and focused - dd is very different. Her speech is very good and she points, which I know is also important. She also seems to understand everything I say. She also has pretend play - making tea etc and has just started to talk to teddies and dolls nd pretend they are talking back.
I just wonder if she is where she should be with joint attention. For instance, when I read a book to her she never looks at me to share it with me, although she shows me things in the book and talks about them - ie look there's a cat...
Generally speaking she is much less of an emotion sharer then ds. ie if she is playing she does not look up to share involvement with me as often as I would like her to - perhaps I am just being too paranoid. She does have joint attention but not as free and easy as ds was. Am considering taking her back to ped but don't want to spoil her childhood by dragging her off to professionals all the time if she is ok? Dh says she is ok , but that becasue of my depression I have not spent as much time with dd as with ds. Which is true
Have just come back from a walk with dd during which she talked constantly - she fell down at one point and was telling me aboutthe flowery tights she wanted to wear to replace the muddy ones - but not once did she look up at me to talk - is this normal? ds always seemed to be in my face. Am I even making sense ? Maybe I need to post under the feeling depressed section of mn - am definitely very low at mo, waiting for the antidepressants to kick in. Sorry for the ramble.

OP posts:
energyless · 11/01/2006 12:20

sorry seem to have posted this twice - pressed post message twice because nothing seemed to be happening - not blessed in the patience department

OP posts:
spacedonkey · 11/01/2006 12:39

sorry you're feeling so low

I haven't got any advice, but thought I'd bump the thread

Piffle · 11/01/2006 12:51

Hi there
I think because of your depression and your battles your are over focussing on your dd, perhaps expecting some problem and then laying the blame back on yourself for somehow "failing" her early on in her life
Don't be so hard on yourself, she sounds like a little sweetie
My dd has had serious delays as an under 3 and has now caught up to almost her peers, and she was not doing nearly as much as your dd.
Leave it until she is 3 perhaps and if you still are worried, ask someone about her then.
You ahve done well to fight PND and bring up 2 kids who sound like they are doing really well.
Relax and give yourself a few warm fuzzies
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

shimmy21 · 11/01/2006 12:59

Oh please don't worry -it sounds so normal to me! Your dd sounds just like my ds. He never makes eye contact with me but talks to me constantly about things that interest him especially on walks. It irritates me because he looks down and speaks quietly so I can't hear anything he says. I've got no worries though because he's got a great group of friends and good social skills with kids his own age. I think kids sometimes just don't expect to need to make eye contact with their mums because mum is just always there!

Pfer · 11/01/2006 13:21

My HV and LEA for DS1 both said that at this age playing alone is what they do. Thet start to interact a bit later on so she sounds perfectly normal panic not!

Sorry to hear you're feeling down, I think Piffle hit it on the head when she said that maybe as you weren't feeling 100% you were concentrating on your DD too much and as she's diff from how your ds was thinking that there are problems when there aren't.

Hope you're feeling better now everyone's told you it's normal and that you are without a doubt a fantastic mum. Give your self a much deserved pat on the back and relax.....

getbakainyourjimjams · 11/01/2006 14:49

Replied on the other thread. BTW should have said that joint attention is developmental, it doesn't not develop because of anything mothers do, if it doesn;t develop (which it has in your dd- see the other thread) it's bcause the child has a developmental problem, not becuase of anything the mother has or hasn't done.

energyless · 12/01/2006 09:46

Typical - I start a thread and then can't get on the internet all afternoon!
Anyways , thanks mumsnetters for all your words of wisdom , am trying to get my perspective back. Am thinking that doing some exercise might help me as well so am going swimming with friends tonight [very unfit mum doing uncoordinated breaststroke emoticon]

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