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worried ........and depressed

3 replies

energyless · 11/01/2006 12:04

Have started to worry about the level of my two year olds joint attention.
A bit of background - have suffered severe pnd on and off and am currently back on anti-depressants. Have been to see various health profesionals about dd , including a few visits to a pedi. ( not developmental , but attached to a big local child development centre)
My ds (4) is so interactive and focused - dd is very different. Her speech is very good and she points, which I know is also important. She also seems to understand everything I say. She also has pretend play - making tea etc and has just started to talk to teddies and dolls nd pretend they are talking back.
I just wonder if she is where she should be with joint attention. For instance, when I read a book to her she never looks at me to share it with me, although she shows me things in the book and talks about them - ie look there's a cat...
Generally speaking she is much less of an emotion sharer then ds. ie if she is playing she does not look up to share involvement with me as often as I would like her to - perhaps I am just being too paranoid. She does have joint attention but not as free and easy as ds was. Am considering taking her back to ped but don't want to spoil her childhood by dragging her off to professionals all the time if she is ok? Dh says she is ok , but that becasue of my depression I have not spent as much time with dd as with ds. Which is true
Have just come back from a walk with dd during which she talked constantly - she fell down at one point and was telling me aboutthe flowery tights she wanted to wear to replace the muddy ones - but not once did she look up at me to talk - is this normal? ds always seemed to be in my face. Am I even making sense ? Maybe I need to post under the feeling depressed section of mn - am definitely very low at mo, waiting for the antidepressants to kick in. Sorry for the ramble.

OP posts:
Hallgerda · 11/01/2006 14:31

All three of my sons needed to be told repeatedly to look at me when talking to me at that age - indeed, they sometimes still do (the eldest is 11). It does not sound to me as if your daughter has a problem. Mind you, I'd never actually heard of joint attention until reading your posting, let alone looked out for it or worried about a lack of it. So you can rest assured that there are worse mothers in the world than you! I hope you feel better soon.

getbakainyourjimjams · 11/01/2006 14:47

I don't think you have anything to be concerned about at all. (My eldest son is severely autistic). There is nothing in your post to suggest she lacks joint attention. At 6 I cannot (without great difficulty) direct my son's attention- so for example if I say "look" and point, he doesn't look, if I get a toy out to play with he might wander over to have a look (on his own terms- snatch itout of my hand and turn it upside down) or he might wander off.

You sound as if you are over analysing your dd's behaviour in a big way. I think you ned to concentrate on your depression- good luck in getting the help that you need. Go back to the GP if the anti d's don't work.

dexter · 11/01/2006 14:48

my son is three and a half and I don't think he ever looks at me during play or walks or whatever! Well, maybe sometimes, but I really think most young kids are like this. They are focussing on the play and are so secure that you'll be there watching and joining in that they don't need to look up!

When we're out on walks or (on rare occasions!) in pushchair my son looks around and ahead and talks nine to the dozen but again, rarely looks up at me.

I think your child sounds completely normal - try to resist the urge to compare her with yout first - siblings can so often be so very different!

And good luck, hope you feel better soon x

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