Inappropriate touching by 6 year old DS

[howdoo]

Please help - I was called into the headmaster's office today because DS2 aged 6 put his hand down the back of a younger girl's trousers on the school bus on Friday, touching her bottom. He did it two or three times, despite the fact that she made it clear she didn't want him to. She told her parents when she got home and they (obviously) contacted the school. The headmaster talked to DS2 earlier today, and we also talked to him together when I was there - he was clearly terrified by this point. I have talked to him at home and reiterated that it is very serious and that you must not touch anyone on their privates.

The school have contacted the local authority in charge of families on this, as they say that it is "atypical" behaviour for a 6 year old (we are not the in the UK so not sure what the equivalent is). They may or may not call me (I got the impression that if they have had any other reports - God, hope not - they will call, but if not, probably not). The school have also arranged for DS2 to talk to a social worker a couple of times - she was at the meeting as well - to go through again what is acceptable and what isn't etc.

I don't understand at all why he did it, and most of all why he did it again when he knew she didn't want to. The video footage (which they apparently always have on the school buses) apparently shows him "all over her".
I have also asked him to tell me honestly if anyone has ever done anything like this to him, and he said no.

Obviously I'm a bit freaked out, esp the part that it is atypical at this age. What else do you think I can do? He already knew about privates being private etc so I am at a bit of a loss. I certainly don't want to trivialise it but don't want to go over the top either. Any advice would be gratefully received.

My son..who I might add is now in his 30's.. Had parents petitions against him because he..at age 6.. while the other kids played kiss chase..lifted the girls skirts and showed their knickers shouting out..Oh look she has..whatever colour ..on... I was dragged to the school.. Boys do not realise how girls are different,,in their emotions. Little boys are always playing with their dingaling. Even as adult and into oldmen..age.
It is very important to make sure he understands that he can-Not do this again..
Not because it is perverted..because at his age..he does not really realise this.. But adults can make a big thing out of what is really a not so abnormal thing..
I would make it clear to him that, It was wrong of him to have kept on doing it after the girl had told him not to.. and if he does it again he will suffer punishment of some sorts..such as..not going out with his friends for a while, or if you take him/he has an event..such as swimming or football or whatever, that he likes going to/doing.. He will miss 1 of these events, or by taking a well played with toy away for a while, or you will tell Nanny/Granddad (Someone he respects/likes) how naughty he has been and they will be upset by this. But now that you have told him about it being a wrong thing to do..move on..don't keep going on about it..unless it happens again. Has he said sorry to the little girl?? Oh by the way all 4 of my sons and all of my foster sons have grown up to be good non pervertmen and I am told and see for myself that they are all good partners to their long time girl-friends/wives.. I was not told about my sons --kiss chase antics until he had been doing it for weeks, so at least you got to know asap..did you see the cctv footage from the bus??
Is he using this as a form of bully-ing the girls??

My son..who I might add is now in his 30's.. Had parents petitions against him because he..at age 6.. while the other kids played kiss chase..lifted the girls skirts and showed their knickers shouting out..Oh look she has..whatever colour ..on... I was dragged to the school.. Boys do not realise how girls are different,,in their emotions. Little boys are always playing with their dingaling. Even as adult and into oldmen..age.
It is very important to make sure he understands that he can-Not do this again..
Not because it is perverted..because at his age..he does not really realise this.. But adults can make a big thing out of what is really a not so abnormal thing..
I would make it clear to him that, It was wrong of him to have kept on doing it after the girl had told him not to.. and if he does it again he will suffer punishment of some sorts..such as..not going out with his friends for a while, or if you take him/he has an event..such as swimming or football or whatever, that he likes going to/doing.. He will miss 1 of these events, or by taking a well played with toy away for a while, or you will tell Nanny/Granddad (Someone he respects/likes) how naughty he has been and they will be upset by this. But now that you have told him about it being a wrong thing to do..move on..don't keep going on about it..unless it happens again. Has he said sorry to the little girl?? Oh by the way all 4 of my sons and all of my foster sons have grown up to be good non pervertmen and I am told and see for myself that they are all good partners to their long time girl-friends/wives.. I was not told about my sons --kiss chase antics until he had been doing it for weeks, so at least you got to know asap..did you see the cctv footage from the bus??
Is he using this as a form of bully-ing the girls??

Thank you for your reply. We are thinking about asking to see the footage from the bus to give us a clearer idea. My DH is really disappointed in DS2 and will be talking to him tomorrow, and we are working out a suitable punishment. It's not bullying the girl at all, he doesn't know her and hasn't spoken to her since. He knew he did wrong as soon as he did it.

I've told him not to talk to the girl as he could frighten her, and that girls are different to boys and he needs to respect everyone but girls even more IYSWIM.

And you're right, one of the worst aspects of it is he carried on after he knew she didn't like it. His friend sitting next to him, apparently did the same thing, but did it after DS2, and also stopped after one time when he realised she didn't like it (this is all from what DS2 has told me).

So sorry to hear that you are faced with this difficult situation.

I think you need to see the footage (or somehow find out exactly what happened) to put this into context and so that you have a clear idea of what you are dealing with. Otherwise it is difficult to decide exactly what course of action to take.

I obviously don't know if this is part of an ongoing bullying situation, but I wondered about your comment that DS doesn't know this girl- if they share the same school bus on a daily basis he might know her.....

He is 6,he is still a young child- he doesnt know right from wrong he doesnt kniow about sexual implications - he was being silly and daft like a 6 year old is - hes not a sexual predator.

The teacher should have explained it wasnt something the little girl liked and it wasnt appropriate to do it- you and his daddy then reinforce that essage at home.

I think this has been blown out of all proportion.

I think its a good idea to ask to see the footage though.

I feel for your little boy. Of course he should have stopped when she asked him to, but let's face it, 6 year olds don't always stop doing something immediately when asked (mine doesn't anyway!) and have to be asked again - and that wouldn't normally be such a big issue except for the sensitive nature of this offence (I can completely understand the school feeling the need to treat this seriously). I don't think his behaviour is atypical at all - my 6yo DS and 4yo DD are obsessed with bottoms, willies etc - it's just natural curiosity at that age and not a sexual thing at all. It sounds like your DS has been punished enough. Assuming it never happens again I would forget it and move on.

Ok firstly don't panic! Last year my dd who was 6 got caught doing similar. All kids of this age go through this stage. We are in the UK and the school read me the riot act about safeguarding procedures etc etc and how this time they wouldn't take it further. Kids are curious and curiosty gets the better of them. What country are you in? Don't be too hard on your boy although do explain firmly as you have done why we don't do this sort of thing. Fwiw my dd has never done it again

I think his behaviour is firmly within the realms of normal. Most 6 yo boys are bottom obsessed. Obviously you need to make it clear that other people don't like it and that we should always stop straightaway if we are doing something the other person doesn't like but I don't think therer's anything sinister underlying this.

Thank you so much for all your responses - he is going to get punished tonight (basically writing out lines, which he will hate) and then we are going to draw a line underneath it. You have all made me feel that it is within normal and not, as a one off, too much to worry about.