I'm just so tired of struggling...

[LilyPilley]

I love my DD to bits but motherhood just hasn't been what I expected. Everyone keeps saying it will get easier but 6 months has passed and it hasn't really. Everything is a fight with my DD. She fights sleep day and night, regardless what I try. She wakes 3 or 4 times a night and wakes at 5am and I've ended up co-sleeping but don't sleep very well because of it. She has her cute moments but they are short lived and generally she's grumpy. She has a short temper and throws tantrums even at her age. She is so busy and loses interest very quickly which is tiring in itself. Should I just except that this is the way she is? I'm not really looking for advice, I've read just about every post, website and book. Just need someone to listen.

hmm to be honest she does just sound like a 6 month old, and it IS really hard work.

of course some people get lucky and get very laid-back babies, but things like the waking at night and being up early, and losing interest in stuff quickly is just totally normal IMO

have you tried a sling? my Moby wrap saved my sanity with ds2 who was my most demanding baby
he also got a lot better once he was more mobile

ok, don't hit me but it will get better - i promise

my dd was the same, she would only sleep for about 6hrs every 24 and god forbid if i put her down so i could go for a wee.

it really did get to the stage where i really, really couldn't take anymore so i sorted out her sleep. i did cc but understand if you don't want to do this. but it was the best thing i ever did. she started sleeping 12hrs + and her temper really improved, as she wasn't tired all the time

yy to cranial osteopathy too.

She sounds just like my DS2 was at that age - my experience was slightly different as I had DS1 too so knew that not all children were like this as he was the complete opposite!

DS2 is 2.2 yrs old now and, while still challenging, is mostly a delight. He's funny, sensitive, cuddly, active, and very bright. I'll be honest and say it did take nearly a year to get better and I know that's probably not what you want to hear, but hang on in there and try and get out and about as much as you can. I found time with friends a godsend as they took DS2 and gave me a much needed break.

Good luck x

My son (my first baby) was very difficult as a baby and I really did struggle. He was never happy, constantly grizzling, tired because he was up screaming all night and up early in the morning. I really couldn't take him anywhere, baby groups or visiting friends were a nightmare because he would just grump and scream.

He improved a lot when he started crawling, even more when he started to walk, and was so much better when he could play with toys properly - shape sorters, pushing cars about, putting things in and out of other things and so on. Now he's nearly three and he really has been a lovely toddler (so far!). It was almost as though he just didn't like being a baby. Of course he has his moments, but it is really wonderful how much he has changed, and I can promise you that it will get better (well I can't promise that the sleeping will unfortunately, we suffered for some time with that, but it's better now).

My second baby is 6 months now and I can see just how grumpy he was. Of course like all babies she needs constant attention, and her sleeping is also pretty rubbish, but she just seems a happier baby somehow.

It will get better, they change so quickly. The sleep deprivation makes everything so much harder, especially if you talk to friends with babies that sleep long stretches every night. In a few months time your daughter will be crawling about, then walking, then playing properly, and things will get a lot more fun. It is the way that she is at the moment, but she won't be like that forever, if that makes sense!

I remember some wise poster on here saying, their child just didn't enjoy being a small infant that much. Made real good sense to me. Perhaps your child's brain is more ahead of their physical abilities?

I have heard clever one's don't need a lot of sleep, mine would have slept the clock, and now at 4, she is indeed adorably dopey .

I think it's that time of year when you can someone to after your baby while you get a good sleep and then you'll probably feel a lot better about the whole situation.

To be honest when my DS was little. I didn't get why people had so many babies. It baffled me.... But.... they do get better with age...hang in there and take some days naps.

Also we co slept but found taking the side off the cot and attaching to the side of the bed made a bit more space for everyone

I genuinely found 6-9 months the hardest, but once he was crawling at the end of that period, eating solids better, and he even started sleeping through regularly around 9 months, life got soooo much easier (DS now a very active 16-month-old). Hang in there!

I know how you feel my baby would not let me put him down from the age of 6weeks to 7 months he would only sleep during the day if i held him and if i put him in his baby gym or bouncy chair he would scream and scream. I really do know how much of a strain it puts on you and how you feel you don't get five minutes in the day for yourself, I tried a dummy which worked for a short time but in the end what worked was i changed baby formula (There was an instant change in my child's behaviour) I couldn't believe that baby formula made such a difference. I moved to cow and gate and within a day i had a child who would happily play by themselves it was such a huge relief to have a happy content baby. I also brought i light show with music at bed time which worked a treat.

Thank you for all the support. I know I'm not the only one who has a challenging child. It's just really difficult to stay positive when I try so hard to make this little one happy and don't succeed. I could even deal with the sleep depravation if I didn't have to fight every bedtime and every nap. It just feels more of a struggle than a pleasure at the moment. It doesn't help that I'm going back to work full time in January or that it will go back to having no family support.

Sorry for how you're feeling, babies are hard work, no doubt about it.

I agree with the suggestion for cranial osteopathy and I would also consider getting a sleep expert to help.

My first child did the perfect child sleeping thing day & night so I didn't know what had hit me when the 2nd child arrived. At 5 months (and having spent a small fortune on "sleep aids" e.g. rocker, swing, white noise cd blah blah) I hired a sleep consultant and within days had him marshalled into a routine of lovely big day sleeps and a very sunny baby inbetween.

OK nights are still not good and he's 4yo. Goes to bed beautifully but still wakes and comes to my bed (at least he can get himself here so that's something) but oh i don't know, I've just tried to be accepting that he's a light sleeper. On the plus side it made toilet training v. easy as we woke and went to the toilet at night from 2yo whereas the other one slept so deeply that she needed a night nappy till 5.

About making her happy, babies (and children) are very often not happy. They cry and moan and demand endless attention... it's very normal.

Maybe just aim for healthy and having needs met e.g. fed/clothed/time with mum, and treat any giggles as an added bonus?

Your baby sounds just like my son was. I honestly believe some babies hate being so dependant and unable to explore and get what they want. My son was always the most miserable baby in the room, constantly discontent and like your DD never entertained by anything for more than 10 seconds.

I bought a sling which made life better - I could at least do something like have a drink without him screaming because I had stopped entertaining him for five mins. I remember I gave him a wooden spoon and sat him in his Bumbo whenever I had to do things in the kitchen (some people don't like Bumbos as they can tip over but it was a Godsend for me). The wooden spoon kept him entertained better than any flashing V-Tech toy.

Once my son became mobile he went from being the most unhappy child to the happiest, he loves to be independent, he is 3 now and although he is a handful (always running away, touching what he shouldn't) he is an absolute delight. I think your daughter may be similar. I completely sympathise, I know how horrid it is but it really does get better - have you bought something she can be a bit independent in like a Fisher Price Jumparoo thing or a walker? My son loved his jumparoo and it gave me 5 mins peace!

OP, you have written almost exactly what I've been feeling, except my DS is 9.5 months and, although I should probably be offering words of encouragement here, I am STILL waiting for things to get easier. My biggest issue right now is that he is not moving around on his own and whining all day becasue he doesn't want to be in the same place for more than 5 minutes at time. Despite trying every trick in the book, he has yet to even roll over onto his tummy. He needs me to place in different places throughout the day so that he can do his pottering about in a sitting position. His nights have gotten a little better over the past month and naps are becoming a bit more regular, but in between those heavenly nap breaks, he's whining the entire time apart from the 5 minutes he's happy in a new spot. I literally cannot wait to leave him at nursery and go back to work now. These past 9 months of motherhood have been worse than I could ever have imagined. I love him to bits and we do have some good moments, but overall it has sucked something out of me that I can't explain. I was ready for giving up my independence, some sleep, and obviously a huge chink of my heart, but I feel like I've lost something I wasn't prepared to lose. A few brain cells from sleep deprivation have been lost as well. I really do hope that something fantastic magically happens to make babies of mums like you and I and all the rest struggling sit back and say 'ahhhh now this is what I had been dreaming about all those months while I was pregnant....and I love it'

My DS sounds quite similar to your DS. In fact, a few months ago I started a similar thread on here. He was never happy for any length of time and just seemed so different from friends' calm babies. I used to really dread going to baby groups or friends' houses as I was always the one trying to comfort an unhappy baby! Motherhood seemed to be so easy (and fun) for everyone else but I haven't often found it that way. I remember a friend of mine texting me that her new baby was 'an absolute delight' and just being so upset that (while I loved him to bits) I couldn't honestly say the same about my DS. He did sleep at night but never used to sleep for longer than 30 minutes during the day.

He is now 7.5 months and the last few weeks have got quite a bit easier - he naps for longer during the day and seems generally happier now he can roll around and has more strength for playing on his tummy. Weirdly, weaning has helped as well as it is something else to do with him and he enjoys eating and playing with finger foods!

Have you read this link: www.askdrsears.com/topics/fussy-baby/high-need-baby/12-features-high-need-baby
Someone kindly posted it on the thread I started and I could definitely identify with it. I would also second the recommendation for the jumperoo - DS really loves it and it has been a real life-saver when nothing else will keep him happy.

Hope it starts to get a bit easier for you soon.

Hiya
I also felt like you this time last year when dd was coming up to 6 months. She has always been ahead of the game, an earlier crawler and walker, thinks she is a 5 yr old in a now17 month olds body! Things really improved when I went back to work part time in January. Now I feel like I get the best of both worlds, I love the time I spend with dd but also enjoy my days at work. Dd is also a lot happier most of the time now that she can fully enjoy more activities etc. So hang in there!!

I forgot to mention the other day that my mum gave me the best advice and when my child wouldn't settle and was over tired i would lay him in his pram or cot and put the hoover on it was great instead of a grumpy tired baby i would have a baby that went to sleep to the sound of the hoover and could at least get a few bits of house work done before they woke up and sometimes i would leave it on to do other jobs such as washing up and washing or to just give me five minutes to sit down and have a cup of tea. Honestly try it but turning the HOOVER on however stupid it sounds really works.
Tip. Make sure the hoover is not placed on carpet or have it tilted so the suction bit is not directly on the floor if left in the same place as it sucks up half your carpet.

It really isn't easy is it. And sleep deprivation can really send you into a grey joyless place.
FWIW my DD was a very light sleeper, and i carried her around the whole time. She was always in my arms, or in the sling: always, even when I went to the loo. I talked to her all the time and gave her massages every day. I had to bring her out in her pram for her to nap (so I never got to sit down all day) - it really was exhausting as I had no family round to help at all.

The tip with the hoover is good: my DD would get over stimulated and the drone of the hoover/ washing machine would calm her.
Life changed when my DD got up and could walk at 11 months - she was able to get the thing she fancied herself, and she was also very easy to toilet train (though that was stressful in it's own way!).

Now, she's G and T and is a really astute and emotionally mature 7yo.

It was tough though and I think the lack of sleep, anaemia from the birth, and that first dark winter gave me a bit of PND looking back.

Good luck with your lovely DD, and give yourself a pat on the back - you're doing very well, and so is your little babe.