Screaming toddler at night

[chezziejo]

Hi all

Really needing some advice, Im absolutely exhausted and tearful and have probably done everything wrong in the larger scheme of things but mostly out of desparation. Little boy is 18 months old and has always been pretty good at going to sleep, and slept through. However about 5 weeks ago he caught the coldy, horrible coughing bug that was going round and had it for 3 weeks and fair enough that he wouldnt sleep well when poorly, he then got gastroenteritis and had a day in hospital as he was so dehydrated, couldnt get him to take anything orally. So its been rough for him hes only just got rid of the diarrhoea (sp). While he was having hthese bugs he started waking in the night and whimpering but when you went to him he had eyes closed and then if he heard you goes in to a major screaming fit. As sonn as you pick him up he snuggles up and is ok, but he wants you to stand up and hold him, not sit. Occasionaly out of sheer desparation we have put him in our bed which he still ont alwways settle but with all the will in the world i or boyfriend cant stand cuddling him all night. I did wonder if it was night terrors at first but its getting every night, and now we cant even get him into bed without screaming and writhing around. The routine has been somewhat lost recently with him being poorly but we have to let him fall asleep downstairs in his own time and then put him in his cot. Last night was prettyok as he went to bed at 10pm and the screaming started at 5.30. Hes now playing and pottering quite happily as normal. Yesterday he screamed and screamed until nearly midnight when i heard the neighbours ranting and slamming doors which made me feel truly terrible but its not like im abandoning him in his cot. I worked a twelve hour shift yesterday as well. Tonight im going to try his bath at 7pm, pj's on, milk and bed. Will try controlled crying. Do you think it is night terrors or is he just getting completely overtired? He can be very whingy and clingy when tired to be fair but generally has a good nap in the afternoon.

This sounds truly awful but im living on my nerves and having had depression before feel through tiredness i need to do somthing for all of us, ie try and take control. I dont enjoy motherhood at all at the moment, and although i love him dearly and would never be without him im finding it really tough. Does this make me a bad mum? Does anyone have experience of this behaviour? Hes probably just being a normal toddler and i havnt handled it very well but just need some advice. Hate the controlled crying but i also want us all to sleep and for him to not be scared at night, or pick up on my anxieties over it.

Sorry for long whiney post :-(

Jo

Suppose i should also mention that through all this i suffered a miscarriage and a breast lump so thats is two other reasons all the routine got buggered up.

Good lord what a shite time you've been having, it's a wonder you haven't totally lost it?!

First-No you are NOT a bad mum, a bad mum wouldn't be worrying about this.

Secondly-sleep deprivation is a soul destroying thing, they used it as a form of torture in the war & you can see why.I used to say I'd confess to anything at 3am after being up with a baby!

You are wise to try & break this habit he has got into it's totally undestandable why you got out of it with all these illness' but yes you need to get back into a routine.

TBH it doesn't matter which way you go-do what is right & easiest FOR YOU, but be consistant & stick to it for at least 4 nights to give it a chance of working, the first few nights are worst.

You & dp sit & work out a plan that makes sense to both of you & get him to share.

Have you any family who could take him for a few hours/look after him in your house so you can go back to bed?

I did nearly lose it this morning, but trying to take a positive its made me see i need to get a grip and sort this out so we all feel great again.

Mum could have him but so far this morning hes been a gem as usual, stood at sink, had a wash, tried to brush his teeth. Think we friends again now. Poor bugger i feel wretched shouting at him and being so frustrated but i am scared and dreading tonight. Got to be done tho.

Thanks for replying Bossybritches :-)

Poor you, it sounds like its been really tough. My dd2 is the same age, and even without the illness, seemed to go through a terrible patch with sleeping over the last 2 months. I wondered whether it was an age thing.

She started going hysterical at bed time, (she's always been hit and miss, but this was full on hysteria). I found it helped to make a plan and then do my best to follow it through. For example I would make myself stay out of DD2 room whilst I read DD1 stories etc, then nip in to lie her down and settle her, then go downstairs and wouldn't go back in to DD2 until I'd tidyed all the toys away, and then come away and do another job, and then go back in. Thats probably not how you're meant to do controlled crying, but I find it so much easier than standing looking at a clock whilst listening to screaming. And she generally settled down within about an hour or less.

Anyway it all suddenly went back to normal after a couple of weeks, I'm not sure it had anything to do with the crying thing, I htink she just got over whatever issue was stopping her from settling! This last week she suddenly started waking early and had full on scream fits at half 5 every morning, and then at the weekend suddenly stopped doing it. Again, we made a plan to go in every 10 minutes or so, and not let her out (having had her in our bed a few morning is a row).

Best of luck, it really is disheartening and I know everyone harps on about things being a phase, but when you come out of the hideous bit, you realise how true it is. Take care x

Could your Mum come over for a few mornings, quite early so that if you've had a bad night you could stay in your PJ's, & leave him with her at your house to play while you pop back to bed for a few hours to top up your sleep?

I can't tell you the number of times my DD's were almost left on the doorstep with a bag after a bad night!!

Goosey you're right it's only a phase but god it's tough going through it!

There's a really common sleep regression at 18 months which is caused by a big leap in mental development. It does pass. It does mean that sleep training is less likely to work if you do it now than if you wait a few weeks, so don't feel too disheartened if you don't see immediate progress.

More info here and here and here.

Thanks everyone. Well he cried for 45 mins, but i stuck to my guns,including have the washer and tumbledryer on so his squeals were deafened a little. Went back as recommended and he fell asleep after 45 mins and got up at 8.15 this morning. He looks so much better too. DP has to do it tonight but he is sure on the routine we set so hopefully it will be ok. Im at work until 9pm. It was bloody hard tho. I had to keep myself busy through it.

DP collared the neighbour too and explained how poorly he had been, and in hospital etc. He looked sheepish and apologised for banging on the wall. You wouldnt believe they have two young kids of their own. Mind ive heard him yelling at them so maybe its just his way. The youngest isnt even 2 yet. Hey ho.

well done chezziejo hope your DP has a good night too, you'll all feel much better for Christmas hopefully!!

Marry Christmas when you get to it!

morning all.

night 3 took 20 mins and he slept through. last night however DP said he was awful. ( i was at work until half 10 ) He took over an hour to go to sleep, and was up at half4, im pretty sure having a full on paddy as not getting his way of being picked up. Eventually took him downstairs because of the neighbour problem and let him get it out his system. Hesabout ready for a nap now. Anyway after all the waffle is it normal to have a bit of a regression with this routine? Im going to stick to it i think as it was working. still dread it tho.

I'm sure a bit of regression is normal, just keep at it sounds like you have a good plan going, just try & keep it consistant, blow the neighbours for a few days, you'll crack it very soon,then they AND you will get some peace!

Hope you have a lovely (peaceful) Christmas!