My 4 year old DD has recently been having MAJOR temper tantrums she horribly aggressive and screams, kicks and flails. She's in a good school, and I'm in touch with the teachers there, who tell me that she's fine, but they have noticed a lot more outbursts recently.
Anyway, the thing I really need help with is with DEALING with her tantrums. Of course the ideal would be to prevent them in the first place. I have had chats with my DD when she's been calm, about what we do when we're angry, how we don't hurt Mummys. I've tried explaining what's ok, and what's not ok. "It's ok to be angry, but we don't hurt... we don't throw things about.."
But it doesn't seem to be helping. I put her in her room but I can feel her abandonment and rejection and it's the last thing she needs at this point.
yesterday she lost her temper at my best mates 3 yr old son who i was looking after for a couple of hours because he drew on a bit of paper she wanted. I told her off (firm stern voice saying NO, we don't shout at friends) for shouting at him and she flew into a rage. i took her upstairs to my room which is the safest space in the house and I had to physically hold her to calm her down which was sickening but I was truly afraid she was going to hurt someone or herself.
I am 36 weeks pregnant and feel so guilty because I feel this has caused the change in her and sick with worry about how she is going to be when her baby brother is here. Is this a regression? I miss my gorgeous girl so much, 3 months ago I felt totally bonded and close to her, it seemed I was a parent who seem to genuinely relish being with my child. We had lots of fun together. Now all I get is more like teenage attitude it sounds so silly but she treats me like shit, her tone of voice is always snappy and she never seems to engage with me or show any affection at the moment despite trying my best to do nice activities with her and be calm and postive. If I have to correct her on anything (eg DD use a knife and fork please) I get snapped at and she fold her arms and humphs at me or if i am stricter/firmer/carry out a punishment/use anything other than a totally nuetral tone of voice-as in firm voice not shouting) she flies into these horrible rages.
I have also noticed that her play has become more aggressive and a lot more noisy. She gets frustrated over the slightest thing-shes learning her letters really well at school and starting to write but even sometimes when she gets it right she gets so frustrated and loses her temper. She seems to be doing lots of things she never would have done previously like drawing on furniture, more recently knocking the xmas tree over yesterday when she never used to fiddle with things she shouldn't touch. It also seems like one minute she's all happy playing then the next she doesn't want anyone near her and she just goes all sad and gets her bunny and curls up on the sofa. It's daft I know but I feel like I can feel her emotions coming off her in waves and that she's not a happy child at the moment. This post is making me cry just writing it.
Anyone had experience with this at all? I am beginning to feel like i may need professional help with her.
And if it's any help, according to my Mum I was the same as a child, constantly throwing loads of tantrums.I try so hard to be a decent mother, and try my best to stay calm and loving with her while she's tantruming.
When it's over, I feel completely washed out. My DH is exasperated with it saying we should be stricter, but all i see is that harder I fight against this the worse it seems to be. Together we aim to be consistent and he helps a lot. She does behave a lot better for him than me it seems.