What age do you get firm with tantrums?

[Diamondback]

My baby, nearly ten months old, has started having tantrums everytime we don't do what she wants (which at the mo is mostly walking round the house, holding onto mummy's hands - my back needs a rest now and then!). And she howls every time I put her in the playpen so I can eat my lunch, or if she's in her highchair for more than five minutes.

My instinct is to assume she's too young to understand 'hang on a minute' and I do indulge her a lot. I want her to know that she can make choices about what she wants to do (up to a point - don't eat the Christmas baubles!) But I'm worried that she'll become spoilt and demanding if I don't start putting my foot down.

So how old is old enough to start hearing some firm 'no's on a regular basis?

I think it's fine now to say no but she won't be able to reason yet. So instead, you need to find a whole host of stuff to substitute once you get bored of the walking around thing .

Do you give her spoons to play with (or similar) when she's in the high chair?
Could she sit in the empty bath whilst you put on your make up etc?

I think that age is quite hard as they get frustrated so quickly but it'll pass - she just needs lots to occupy her that she can't injure herself on and that gives you a little rest!

I remember singing an awful lot when they were that age to draw their attention away from howling!

well, you can start being firm as early as you like but tbh I think it's fairly pointless, especially at 10 months!

I'd just concentrate on distraction and on staying calm. If you need to do something, then of course just go and do it; let the child know you'll be back in a minute, then be back in a minute. But IMo i really wouldn't provoke or be 'firm' about a tantrum at this age - behaviour is communication - she's saying something quite logical, which is that she wants to come with you/do something else. No biggie. It's usually an awful lot easier just to take the child with you rather than have to grit your teeth through this.

When they're a bit older, I'm a tantrum ignorer overall, sort of - I sit down in the same room/supermarket aisle/stretch of pavement as the child and start doing something interesting, saying occasionally 'X can join in when she's ready. Hope she's ready soon. Can't wait til X can join in' etc.

Thanks guys - that sort of confirms what I felt, which is that she's too young to 'learn' stuff and to be left to cry, so i'll carry on doing what I was doing, which is distracting her with books/cloths/spoons/my hair/the opportunity to bite mummy on the nose...