DD (4) misbehaving on siblings birthdays.

[Tillyscoutsmum]

DD is 4.5. This week has been my birthday, her best friend's birthday, DS's birthday and DSD's birthday. I appreciate that it must be quite difficult watching your mum and both siblings get lots of presents, cards, attention etc. and I have tried to not make DD feel too left out - she's had a small present to open on each of the birthdays and she gets a turn at blowing out birthday candles. Both her brother and sister have allowed her to "help" open their presents and cards. I have also been reminding her that in just over a week's time, she'll be getting more presents than she can shake a stick at

Despite all of this, she has behaved really badly all week. We went out for a meal and she was so badly behaved, DH had to take her off half way through. She's been cheeky, playing up at bedtime, crying and having tantrums over nothing and deliberately winding up her siblings. She is no angel normally but on the whole, it has been out of character.

So, is this perfectly normal behaviour or am I raising a spoilt brat ?! Is it a phase (I seem to remember 4 being a particularly jealous and self obsessed phase with dsd) ? How can we handle it better ?

Totally normal, if not desirable behaviour! Several birthdays and lots of presents all in one week - must have been too much for her to handle.

I think the little present for her was a good idea, but she was obviously finding it hard to deal with the attention/presents/importance of the birthday boys/girls. Remind her her birthday will be coming in X month, and then it will be her turn to get birthday treats.

She will grow out off it, mature, learn to handle these situations.

I think it is hard on siblings and often I have noticed at birthday parties it is the siblings (older and younger) that are the worst behaved.

My ds (also 4) struggles in one month because it is all his siblings plus dh's birthday. His at that point is several months away. He kept asking when his turn was, and I had to explain that he'd had his "turn" this year.

Personally I don't like the giving an extra present, because it is something they have to come to terms with that the attention sometimes is on the others for a reasonable reason. If you do give a present to one then you should also give it to the others, otherwise it is an obvious unfairness that can be picked up on.

For similar reasons I discouraged his siblings from letting ds "help" undo their presents except the one from himself. I know he wouldn't want them helping him, so I think it's fair that they can do their presents themselves.

I is hard for little ones - they don't have the same concept of time and the passing of time so she'll find it hard to think 'Christmas is coming, I'll get stuff then' or about her own birthday - which may well be months away.

I tend to agree with DeWe about letting her help open presents, - the birthday child deserves to enjoy their special day.

What I used to do with mine was let them be very involved in birthday preparations for others, that way they get to do lots of fun things with mum - help making a cake, shop for a birthday tea (which they will share obviously), make decorations and banners, wrap up presents, choose or make a gift from themselves, etc. Then they can feel they are an important part of the whole business even though they are not getting the gifts.

Having said that, she's not a spoilt brat and she will grow out of it.

I remember when ds1 was 4 he really really struggled on ds2's birthday seeing all the presents being opened. However the following year and subsequent years he has been fine. I usually have a little chat with him the night before and say I know it can be hard to see others getting gifts but it's their day and on you birthday you get lots too.

I don't agree with gifts for non birthday child either.

Thanks all. Interesting to hear thoughts about presents for non birthday children. I think its just because its both of her siblings within a couple of days which makes it seems harder on her. She's also suffering from ridiculous end of term tiredness, which doesn't help