Please tell me about your child if they have anxiety. I need to help ours and I don't know where to start. I will keep shamelessly bumping - I'm desperate.

[saythatagain]

She's 7, going to be eight in March. We accept it's part of who she is but we really want to try and help her 'manage' it. I've looked on various websites regarding cbt, which I think will be the best avenue to go down but if anyone has any ideas, I would be really, really grateful.
I should add that in our daughters case, the anxiety presents itself in the form of tummy ache and nausea. It is cyclical and does not appear at specific scenarios i.e. even a happy, exciting event cannot compensate or prevent the onset of it.

Sorry to hear this; it sounds horrible for her (and you).

I've recently realised that my son has some anxiety issues (god that sounds so Californian ). I had one session with a very good counsellor (for me!) and her advice was - try to help him to verbalise; get him to describe to you what the anxieties are and try to give him the vocab to express it, e.g. 'I'm worried that if I eat sloppy food I'll be sick', or 'I'm frightened that if I swallow medicine it will choke me'. And not to go overboard on the rationalisation ('Don't worry, of course you won't choke' - is not actually very helpful.) Just help them to express it and then let them know that you've really 'heard' them.

FWIW I found the counselling hugely useful for ME - it can be so frustrating/worrying dealing with this stuff - and I'm definitely going to book my son in for a few sessions too.

I have a DS who turns obnoxious & hypermanic when anxious (loads can kick him off).

We acknowledge it's who she is - tick.
We know it's not put on - tick.
We know it is valid to her - tick.

Although it's always been there, we can pinpoint an event where she was actually sick at an event - it was a sickness bug but it has lodged itself in her brain as being caused by nervousness...bingo!

My 5 year old is incredibly anxious. The one activity that has helped enormously has been horse riding. I once read how it helped little girls and thought i'd give it a try. It seems to be helping. Much more so than ballet, which was an utter, utter disaster.

Shameless bump - as declared!

Ds1 is nearly 8 and has the symptoms you describe. We have found talking through exactly what's going to happen will help.
For example on Sunday we are going to a meal for pil anniversary. We have sat down talked about the food explained who will be there and decided on a few toys to take to keep him entertained.
Ds1 likes routine so any deviation tends to result in tummy ache or tears. The only way we have found round it is to explain things through first.

My 28 month dd is very anxious :( she gets very hot and sweaty and panicky . She's scared of bugs (actually she's petrified of them to the extreme), she's anxious in crowded places, restaurants, noisy places, things that move oddly like bouncy castles worry her, the list is endless. She doesn't sleep either. I dread to think what she will be like in 5 years time

Thank you for your replies. Will certainly try the talking in advance.

Thinking about it, we've found too much advance warning of events brings on the anxiety but just in advance because of the information given!

Our dd is a real thinker (like us). I was of the opinion that not mentioning things and just going with the flow would (hopefully) eradicate the worry.....

Bump for the evening crowd.

My DS is 7 and suffers from anxiety. It got really bad in September when he started Y3 at school. I ended up taking him to see a counsellor (she is trained in child hypnotheraby, CBT etc) and it was brilliant. He now has tools to manage his anxiety - or "worry" as we call it - and I have new structures in place to help him.

I don't know whereabouts you are OP, but this is the website for the excellent lady we saw; I can't recommend her highly enough. Two visits were enough, but I would take DS back for a top-up if I thought he needed it. He is still prone to worrying and is highly sensitive, but he can manage it now, and he knows when to ask for help, which makes life so much easier for him (and us!).

Lljkk- may I ask how you handle your DS when he's like that? My dd is v similar. It's very hard, as behaviour off the wall, but I know it's not her fault- has made things much better for all of us once we came to this realisation.

Sorry saythatagain, meant to say my dd is similat in that advance notice makes her much, much worse. She is a real 'planner'- always has 'schemes' on the go to achieve whatever it is her goal is.
This week she was planning her career as a freelance coder so she won't get made unemployed and lose her home in a recession. She's 5

My dds are quite anxiety prone.My eldest was very unhappy in year one,and had to be home schooled for two terms,before starting at a new school this term. Her anxiety started with the school problems,subsided (but didn't quite completely go) when at home and went up again when she went back to school,understandably.As the term has gone by she has become less anxious, she is happy in school now, but she still has more worries than the average child and is very sensitive.My smaller one shows anxiety through over-controlling behaviour and massive tantrums/ nightmares/night waking turning into tantrums. She is also a very sensitive little girl and has just started school and is a bit overwhelmed by it.
One thing which has helped a lot is relaxation CDs at bedtime.DD1 was very anxious at bedtime as she would think of upsetting things and get in a vicious circle of anxiety but the Cds have stopped that and they both love them,we use them most bedtimes.
I have this www.amazon.co.uk/Bedtime-Meditations-Kids-Calm/dp/1901923908/ref=sr_1_sc_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1324076987&sr=8-2-spell and a few others.
Sleep is a biggie as they both cope better when they have enough.
Other than that,we have various books but just talking and encouraging them to talk through problems and worries helps. And any sort of activity that builds confidence, just doing something they are good at and that makes them feel more resillient.
We also see a homoeopath and they've had some cranial osteopathy,I just try to bolster them up however I can.
Anyway I understand,it is hard and isolating to have an anxious child.When Dd was hyper anxious it was terrible for the whole family.

Swanker-your dd sounds super bright,do you think that is a factor? Both my dds are bright and it makes it much harder to fob them off with comforting comments as they can spot any fault lines. I think the fact that DD1 notices everything and thinks deeply about things makes her more anxious.

what to do when you worry too much - should be about in age terms for your DD, OP - DS found it useful.

These replies have been really helpful and to a degree, reassuring. To a lot of people, dd would appear to be an able and confident child and to a point she is.
Swanker - your comments made me nod in a knowing way.
Dd plays the piano - she suggested she play in assembly (has done on many occasions) - the build up to this was so pressured...letting us down, the school down etc. We had already said not to bother but she had to do it. Of course, she did it, very successfully (from what I gather) and, wouldn't you know it, really enjoyed it!
There are many, many more little scenarios like this, where she puts herself under great pressure and very unessecarily too. Lots of 'what ifs', many 'buts' and 'I have to, you don't understand's.'

I will buy that book stealthsquigle and see how it goes.
MrsJohnMcEnroe - I took a look at that website - we're East Yorkshire so Dorset is quite a way to go.....although I'll never say never.
And hellmelly - I will review the cd's too.

Thank you once again.

.

DS suffers from anxiety. I ended up taking him to the GP (well I discussed him at the GPs) who referred us to the childhood anxiety team. They realised early on that DS had aspergers which was causing the anxiety so we got re-referred to the autism team, but the anxiety team seemed really good. If your DDs anxiety is getting in the way of her leading a normal life it might be worth seeing if there is a similar team in your area.
For DS just knowing he has aspergers helped a lot with his anxiety as it gave him a reason as to why he was struggling with a lot of things and it seems to have opened him up to talk to us about a lot of things that he wouldn't have done before. I guess he thought that everybody found things as difficult as him and that therefore he couldn't share how hard he found it. We still have to work on keeping him calm at times and talk things through lots which tends to be late at night when he is ready to talk.

saythat again I started a similar thread about three weeks ago about my own daughter aged 13 but had no replies.

Sorry if this is already mentioned...but haven't had time to read all the replies. We have one anxious child out of three. Try 'What to do when you worry too much' book. The fact that there is a book helps your child realise it's not just them! Also break down things into tiny manageable chunks and celebrate every success eg. going to friends for half an hour. Next time make it an hour etc etc.
Sit on the landing at bedtime...move gradually downstairs as that becomes normal.....No magic cures I'm afraid but hopefully you will see some progress. Also avoid talking about your child in their earshot to other mums as they get 'labelled'. Enlist friends who are sympathetic and understanding not judgemental.