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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Right, DS has got to the age of 5 without the dentist seeing his teeth - is it time for me to get tough?

18 replies

iwouldgoouttonight · 13/12/2011 12:08

We've been taking him to the dentist every six months since he was about one, and he watches us sit on the chair and open our mouths, but he just refuses to do it himself. When he was younger I thought it didn't matter too much, and the dentist said if we weren't worried about anything it will be fine. But now he's getting older, I really think the dentist should look at his teeth - he does have a bit of plaque at the back of his bottom teeth which I'd like the dentist could get rid of before it gets worse.

So we have an appointment tomorrow, and wondered if anyone has any advice on how to get him to open his mouth and let the dentist look, even if he doesn't let him put the mirror in.

DS is very very stubborn about things like this, and he really hates having anyone he doesn't know touching him. He had to have a blood test last year and it took four trips back to the hospital until he was eventually calm enough to sit and let them put the needle in, even then I had to hold him still while he cried . We went to the doctor a couple of weeks ago about toiletting issues and the doctor wanted to touch his tummy to check for constipation, but DS just screamed and grabbed hold of me and wouldn't let the doctor anywhere near him.

With the dentist we've tried to keep fairly relaxed about it as we don't want to put him off dentists forever, so far we've tried talking him to it in advance, reading books about visiting the dentist, promising rewards if he opens his mouth, letting him sit on my knee and playing with the dentist tools, we've talked about what happens if you don't get your teeth checked and how they could end up hurting - but none of these things have worked. Should I be more strict and treat him as though he is being naughty by refusing to open his mouth?

Last night I tried to have a nice conversation about how good he would be at the dentist and what treat he would like to choose - but he just said no - he doesn't want a treat and he doesn't want to go!

In other areas, eg, brushing his teeth, getting ready for school, eating meals, etc, he is really good and well behaved.

Any ideas???

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justwantcheese · 13/12/2011 12:29

yes be firm,sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.

mamasmissionimpossible · 13/12/2011 12:37

I wouldn't force him to open his mouth, it might lead to a life long dental phobia.

Original poster

iwouldgoouttonight · 13/12/2011 13:23

I wouldn't force him to open it, as in physically force him, but I was more thinking about whether I should treat it in the same way as other naughty behaviour, ie, if he doesn't do it he goes in the naughty corner, has a toy removed for a certain time, etc. If he refuses to brush his teeth he goes in the corner for a while to calm down and then comes out and does his teeth when he's calm. But I'm not sure this would work at the dentist if he is actually nervous of it rather than just playing up.

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Dee03 · 13/12/2011 13:40

Time to get tough I think, it's for his own good.
I have to with my 9 year old ds with the dentist and hospitals ( he's broken both arms, wrist and finger in last 2 years as he's a skaterboy!!!)....he has a phobia of needles....don't know where it's come from but there we are....it is stressful and I feel awful at the time but better once he's had the treatment done

Original poster

iwouldgoouttonight · 13/12/2011 14:14

Thanks Dee - what do you do to make him do it?

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KurriKurri · 13/12/2011 17:54

I think I would use getting tough as a last resort, - because in the long run you can achieve much more by persuading him to allow the dentist to look.

I would treat it more as a phobia - he obviously is fearful of all thing medical related and he needs to be gently got over that.

I would talk about it - he's old enough to understand why its important for the dentist to look at your teeth. Perhaps there are book about going to the doctor and dentist you can read together. Maybe he can practice putting a lolly stick or spoon into his mouth to get an idea of what it feels like - you can role play and takes turns at being dentist and patient.

If you get cross with him, I can envisage a scene at the dentist were he gets hysterical, and the whole thing becomes utterly terrifying for him.

Although children obviously have to undergo procedures sometimes that are unpleasant, I don't think they should be made to feel they have absolutely no control over the situation or over their bodies.

amerryscot · 13/12/2011 17:57

The dentist should know what to do. They have seen it all before.

How about leaving him with the dentist and sitting in the waiting room. He may just be 'performing' in front of you.

Dee03 · 13/12/2011 18:07

Usually the dentist tries the nicey nice approach which doesn't work so then I start by being nice too but then I lose it and get shirty with him, I just tell him he has to let the dentist do her job or all his teeth will go rotten and he'll end up having a needle so she can take all his teeth out!!!! Sounds harsh I know but he's so scared of needles he'll do anything....once the dentist starts he's ok and even agrees afterwards it wasn't too bad afterall but 6 months later it all has to happen again.....
Sorry that's not much help but it's the only way to get him to open his mouth....he's a stubborn little git

Grumpystiltskin · 13/12/2011 19:30

dee03 doesn't sound like a great idea. It's not exactly helping him to put his needle phobia behind him either but reinforcing it as well as making him think "dentist = bad but not as bad as a needle".

Often children will be very cooperative once they are on their own and have no audience. It all depends on the child at the time.

kurri kurri has some good advice.

SamMiguel · 13/12/2011 19:35

Take his toothbrush and just ask him to show the dentist how he brushes his teeth. Agree with the dentist that he won't touch on this occasion and explain this to DS.

AKissIsNotAContract · 13/12/2011 19:42

The peppa pig at the dentist is very good, probably a bit late to buy it now if appt is tomorrow though. Loads of the children where I work talk about it.

annelg1 · 13/12/2011 19:42

Would the dentist be willing to sit in the chair and let your son to look in his/her mouth first? He could put the dentist's gown on and pretend to be him/her. He could look inside their mouth and give them a lollipop as a treat when he's done.

Next comes his turn to sit in the chair...

This would help your son to see that the patient/dentist relationship is mutual.

olivo · 13/12/2011 20:31

The first couple of times my DD went, the dentist just asked to count her teeth. She is not usually very cooperative when she is anxious but was cool with it, and didnt even ask to hold my hand. The talk of which sticker she would get from the nurse is always helpful too.

I suggest trying to tackle it sooner, when there is less chance of needing treatment, so it is a positive experience. Good luck!

HavePatience · 13/12/2011 20:33

Peppa pig dentist is good. You can get it on YouTube and if you can't find it there, the channel5 website has all peppa episodes.

olivo · 13/12/2011 20:37

I think the machine that they use to clean Mr Dinosaur's teeth on Peppa is terrifying!

Original poster

iwouldgoouttonight · 14/12/2011 09:57

Thanks for all the advice - I think letting him go in on his own might be a good thing to try - it would show whether he's 'putting it on' a bit for us. Although if he doesn't want to do something he just wont do it - he went for the whole first year at school refusing to get changed into his PE kit and doing PE in his normal clothes, and no amount of bribery and coercion from the teachers made any difference. Then when he'd made the decision himself, one day he just decided to get into his PE kit.

Same with the hairdressers - we had three years of him screaming and hitting the hairdresser when she tried to cut his hair, and then one day he decided it wasn't too bad after all and now he's fine having his hair cut.

We've read the Peppa Pig at the dentist book (and several others) but they don't seem to have any impact in him. We've also tried getting the dentist to sit in the chair and DS look at his teeth, but once we're in the dentists room he just becomes adamant he isn't going to cooperate and won't do anything. Even normal 'bribes' like going to get a lolly at the end have no effect.

We thought we might get one of us to go into speak to the dentist first and ask him to be a little bit stricter with DS, because at the minute if DS refuses the dentist just says ok we'll look next time.

Anyway, appointment is this afternoon - fingers crossed!

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olivo · 14/12/2011 19:58

How did it go, Iwould?

Original poster

iwouldgoouttonight · 16/12/2011 14:30

Sorry only just had chance to get on MN again. Some kind of miracle happened at the dentist! I picked DS up from school and he was in a really bad mood, crying at nothing and everything I did was wrong. I thought he was upset because he wasn't looking forward to the dentist so I thought it best not to remind him of it. Then about five minutes before we were about to leave I said I was going up to brush my teeth, and he remembered the dentist appointment and suddenly got really excited about it - he wanted to brush his teeth too and take his toothbrush with him to show the dentist. He said he had decided to open his mouth for the dentist this time and even let him put the mirror in.

I was quite amazed at his sudden change of attitude towards it considering the day before he burst into tears at the thought of it. When we got to the dentist he was a bit quiet, but then sat on DP's knee and let the dentist look in his mouth with the mirror and count all his teeth. DS then even asked what the numbers and letters meant that the dentist was saying (he rarely talks openly to people he doesn't know until he's seen them a few times).

We gave him a treat afterwards and really praised him and said how proud we were.

So it seems as though he's just suddenly made the decision that he will now let the dentist look in his mouth! I can't believe it after every other time resulted in screaming and refusal to go near the chair let alone let the dentist anywhere near him.

So fingers crossed this lasts until next time! Thanks everyone for all your advice.

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