Lying all the time, often about pointless things, is this normal?

[JesusChristBenton]

DD is 5. She lies constantly. Sometimes it is to get out of trouble but more often it is for no good reason at all.

For example last night she told me her friend had an 'Elf on the Shelf', she described the Elf in great detail, I said that it sounded great and that maybe I would ask the fried's dad where they got it so that could get one too. DD suddenly changed her story and said it was not the friend she had mentioned it was another friend whose parents I do not know. I asked her why she lied and she said she had not lied but had simply forgot which friend. I told her that seemed unlikely and I hoped Father Christmas did not punish her for lying. At that point she admitted none of her friends had an Elf. WTF? Why lie?

Last week she told her nanny that her teacher was pregnant. Her nanny told other nannies. The rumour spread and it turned out DD had made it up [mortified].

Is this normal? Do five year olds often make up lots of stories and insist they are the truth?

I have a ds like that.
Will watch the thread with interest because nothing I've tried makes a difference to the amoral little git.

Actually, thinking back, my dd (now 8) went through a phase of it, and while she's still a little bit sneaky at times, generally she tells the truth (or maybe she's too good to get caught out nowadays )

Hi, My son tells the most pointless lies. He's not even very good at it, his body language screams "lies!!". He also lies to get out of trouble, but i feel that is kinda normal, but it's the pointless ones that i struggle with. He is 7. You're not alone!

Yes - normal inmho. Dd was dreadful! It if it some silly fairy story I usually let it go. I don't tolerate lies about important things though - and usually point out the importance of being able to trust her.

I don't know if it's normal but I remember my neice did this around same age. She told hugely elaborate lies, all the time. She had amazing imagination and I think real life was insufferably dull for her. She is now a teen and has done very well, the lies dried up as she got older and busier.

It's quite common round this age - sometimes they just have a lot of imagination and forget where to draw a line between making stuff up and outright lying. They don't usually mean it as a lie - it's just they are living in their own little world inside their head, and the fact that it doens't intersect that much with reality isn't something that bothers them. Its just when it obviously bothers an adult that it brings them up short - so when you tried to connect the fantasy with reality she had to try to bridge the gap by making it "a different friend" before finally haviong to admit that it wasn't real.

Don't worry too much about it, just try to check if things are "really real" before acting on them!

When DS was that age a schoolfriend told everyone how she was going to have a new baby brother soon, and her mum was duly congratulated by loads of other mums. Cue lots of embarrassment all round, as she and her dds dad had been split up since she was a baby, and as she said it would have been a minor miracle for her to be pg!

Ooh, I'm glad someone has asked this!

I share after school care with a neighbour whose little girl is in DDs class - 2 afternoons a week each. Both girls are almost 6, and they do fight a lot and both are very competitive.

In the last few months my neighbour's DD (let's call her A) has been telling really convincing lies, completely straight faced. I've only picked up on them either because I knew that what she was saying wasn't true (eg that she was going to swimming lessons and had got a certificate because she could swim a length, when I'd bumped into her family at the local pool 2 weeks ago and her mum was saying that she needed to get round to signing A up for lessons as she had a real fear of the water) or from my DDs total outrage when I believed what this girl was saying.

Yesterday it all came to a head. I give stickers out to the girls occasionally when they do something for the first time or good behaviour. The neighbour's DD had got her feet wet on the way home from school so I found her a pair of dry socks and told her to put them on. She said that she'd never put socks on by herself. So I said, why don't you have a go, that would be a good thing for you to be able to do yourself. So she tried, she managed and I made a big fuss of her and gave her a special sticker.

At which point my DD burst into tears saying that A has been able to do that for ages and she was lying to get a sticker. So I asked A, who denied it, no hint of a lie in her face. My DD continued to rage, and ended up getting a time out to calm down.

It was only when my neighbour appeared to collect her DD that she told me that A had been putting on her own socks for months.

Any thoughts on how to deal with this? It's driving me nuts

I'd say the first thing is simply not to give out stickers for these "achievements". Reward your own DD for things at a time when the other girl is not there. If the other girl is a bit of a fantasist, then getting attention for the fantasies will only encourage her - it starts out innocent, but if it gets rewarded then she'll do it more often.

You've ended up having to punish your own dd for being truthful too, which I'm sure you'd never have wanted to do.

Thank you AMum you're right, time to ditch the stickers for now.

Thing is, I was a bit of a fantasist over-imaginative child, I guess that's karma for you!

I just feel bad for DD, and don't want to doubt her friend, but she does it so often I'm starting to disbelieve everything she tells me.

I'd assume everything she says is suspect tbh! And if she seems to take offence at you not believing her outright, then just tell her so - you can point out the "socks" story as evidence. It's a good lesson for her to realise that being caught out in one silly story makes you untrustworthy in general!

It is at least some comfort to know my DD is not the only one who does this! Thanks.