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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

sleep techniques

9 replies

Leviathan · 12/12/2011 21:05

Hi, lots of mums I hear talking say they don't want to feed or rock their baby to sleep. We do both and that's what seems to work for us, though sometimes takes a while... and sleeping is fairly random - great some nights, lousy others

Why is it 'bad' to feed or rock baby to sleep? What is the science behind this? are we doing lasting damage to ds? (tongue in cheek for this last one)

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hohohEauRouge · 12/12/2011 21:14

It is not bad. It's an old-fashioned theory that your baby will get 'used' to it and then will never be able to get to sleep any other way (AKA 'rod for your own back ). There's no science behind it. Do whatever works and when/if it stops working, try something else. You are not doing lasting damage at all, it sounds like you're doing a great job :)

mumtomoley · 13/12/2011 08:44

Agree! One childminder we went to interview asked me if I rocked DS and called me 'naughty mummy' and wagged her finger at me when I said 'if necessary'.

We have done plenty of things that some people consider bad habits.. rocking, feeding to sleep, picking him up and cuddling him when he wakes up in the night, dummies, having him in our bed... Having said that he's 8 months and still has 3 night feeds so perhaps they've got a point! Though when he was a newborn he would be awake all night and finally drop off about 6.00am and would cry if you put him down. Very gradually he started going to sleep earlier and earlier and when at about 16 weeks he finally started going to sleep at normal baby time in his cot it was wonderful, so getting up several times in the night doesn't seem to bad compared to standing up and holding him ALL NIGHT! :)

The all night wakeful sessions came before all the bad habits and I think in early days you just need to do whatever is necessary to help them sleep. I got a bit anxious about the fact we were doing all the wrong things but he's grown out of most of it himself. I don't think there's anything wrong with doing what you need to in the early days and then fixing any bad habits later. I know we're going to have a hard time getting rid of the dummy, but it's been a godsend at the time so it will still be worth it.

Mishy1234 · 13/12/2011 09:17

No, it's not bad. It's completely natural for babies to seek comfort, especially at night. I believe that it's all part of their natural development, their survival mechanism. It feels like the natural thing to do for a lot of parents and it's like that for a reason.

If it works for you then continue to do it. We've done lots of things people would say are 'bad'. Bed sharing, feeding to sleep, comforting at the first squeak in the night etc. DS1 moved into his own bed with no trouble just after his 3rd birthday. Sometimes he comes in with us during the night if he's unwell or feeling vulnerable. That's fine and gradually that will stop too. When he's ready.

Follow your instincts. They are there for a reason.

mumtomoley · 13/12/2011 09:22

Also, how old is your baby Leviathan? I think different things apply at different ages. Rocking a newborn is fine, but rocking an 8 month old is.. tiring!

Original poster

Leviathan · 13/12/2011 22:07

DS is 13.5 months. The query came out of a discussion with two mum friends. One of them was trying to get out of rocking her DS to sleep and I wondered why, if that was working. I remember a midwife/health visitor saying when DS was 2 days old that we'd never get him out of our bed if we slept with him?!

Yes, I'm definitely of the "go with your instinct and what works for you" school of thought...

there's as many different approaches as there are parents I'm sure ...

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mumtomoley · 13/12/2011 22:56

Ah right I see :)
yep, the idea is just that they become dependent on it.. Though I'm not aware of any teenagers who are rocked to sleep or share their parents bed which is what I kept in mind while starting all these bad habits!

hohohEauRouge · 14/12/2011 08:58

Some people are dead against co-sleeping because they think it's habit forming. There's no evidence that it is though, and most other cultures around the world co-sleep without any problems. A lot of experts think there are benefits to co-sleeping, this is a lovely book about it if you're interested.

hayesgirl · 14/12/2011 15:46

I say do whatever works and if you are happy with it and baby is happy sod what other people reckon! Some cultures stay in bed with their baby for a whole month just breast feeding on demand and bonding (I think that sounds wonderful but modern life definitely gets in the way) and others have their baby attached to them in a sling all day and sleep with them at night for months - pretty sure that these babies do not grow into adults that want to be piggybacked everywhere by their mothers!

Original poster

Leviathan · 18/12/2011 17:15

I agree with you guys. Tell you what though, the co-sleeping is a bit of a bugger when he wriggles ALL night like he did last night! Think he was uncomfortable, as he's had a bug for a couple of weeks.

The neighbour commented on him crying every night yesterday (that he wakes her up) but I'm pretty sure he doesn't as I'm pretty quick to pick him up when he stirs in his cot (maybe too quick) and he certainly doesn't wake up DP!!!(usually, grr) I wonder if it's the baby on the other side of her!

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