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Behaviour/development

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Original poster

When do babies understand 'no'

24 replies

mumtomoley · 12/12/2011 19:09

My DS is 8 months and gets into everything - he's quite active and always seems to want to crawl onto other babies heads/eat wires/have all the toys and although it's not his 'fault' I wondered if it is about the right time to start telling him 'no' when he does some of these things or if it's pointless? He's a happy smiley and sociable baby and he doesn't mean any harm when he's all over the other babies, but while some mum's aren't fussed I am sure some mums (and their babies) don't like it so I'm forever going after him and picking him up and putting him somewhere else. Short of putting him in a cage this approach isn't really working, so I wondered if I could teach him not to do it instead?

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MrsWifty · 12/12/2011 19:31

Just to say I have no idea, but have exactly the same issue so interested in what others say. I'm saying no a lot and I think he's beginning to realise what it means - but carries on regardless.

I do feel a bit sorry for him - he's finally found the freedom of getting from A to B and suddenly mum's stopping him exploring all these exciting new possibilities .

Albrecht · 12/12/2011 23:00

From what I have read their brain isn't developed enough to have self control (ie I want to do that but I know I shouldn't so I will stop it) until they are 3ish. So yes go ahead and say 'No' but I think you will be saying it a lot and it will take a long time before you see results. I save 'No' for really dangerous stuff, hoping it will make an impact rather than just being that thing that mummy says all the time.

Ime distracting and removing from the area if you have to, work the best for this kind of age. Also showing them how to touch cats / you / other babies "gently, gently" has worked quite well here - I also say it when he is attacking the tv or computer!

smearedinfood · 13/12/2011 07:22

My Ds started crawling at 7 months and walking at 10 months and I have heard a theory that if they are early walkers their comprehension of language gets delayed as they are focused on their mobility. I am absolutely sure he didn't comprehend much til about 13 months.. (I just used pick him up and put him in front of something new when I didn't want him "in" something)...

Meglet · 13/12/2011 07:27

My 3yo might understand 'no' but she carries on regardless. Her 5yo brother will now stop if I say 'no'.

Housewifefromheaven · 13/12/2011 07:37

Well my son is 10 and he still doesn't understand the word 'no'

FaverollesWithBoughsOfHolly · 13/12/2011 07:51

My youngest is 10 months, if we say no, he stops what he's doing and looks at us, we then move him away and do something else with him.
We started by moving away from whatever he was doing (biting leather settee, trying to eat the cat, playing with dog bowls) and saying no at the same time. He seems to understand that no means he's going to be moved on.

Grumpla · 13/12/2011 08:07

They may not understand words at that age but they definitely understand tone of voice.

I started firm "NO!" s as soon as DS could wriggle towards plug sockets / grab dangerous things that had been left lying around etc. The couple of seconds of shock gives you a chance to get over the room and remove the danger!

Mind you I would only save it for actual dangerous things. Not much point debating etiquette or manners with a 10mo!

Original poster

mumtomoley · 13/12/2011 08:29

smearedinfood that would make sense - and seems likely to be the case - Of the babies of the same age that I know, they do seem to be split between crawlers and those going 'mumum' or 'dada' hadn't really thought about it before but may well be the case
housewiffromheaven that made me laugh! (I have teenage stepsons and they don't comprehend 'no' too well either!)

So do you think it's best just to save 'no' for emergencies so the novelty doesn't wear off?

I still don't really know what to do about the grabbing of other babies faces etc. How do/did you handle it? It's a relief when he plays with another face grabber and they can just get on with it! Is it just a case of carrying on as I am, moving him, distracting him and generally giving him full time supervision in any social situation?

Albrecht i'm going to give 'gently gently' a go too - he can practice on me!

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PurplePidjInAPearTree · 13/12/2011 08:35

If I can teach two cats and a house rabbit to respond to the word no, I have no doubt that your baby is capable of learning it!

Davsmum · 13/12/2011 09:02

I started saying 'No' as soon as my DC started doing things I didn't want them to do. I reinforced it with removing them from whatever it was they were doing and even though they may not understand the actual words I would also say why it was a 'No'
Once you say 'no' you have to follow it through and not let them ignore you !
We don't wait until a child can understand words before we speak to them do we ?
Children learn from constant repitition

DeWe · 13/12/2011 12:59

Dd2 definitely understood "no" by 10 months because she would use it in correct context to me. She was walking around at 10 months and I'd say "come back" or something and she'd turn round and go "no"!

The earliest command I remember any of mine understanding was "swap hands". I used this with dd1 when she was holding something when I was getting her dressed. I'd say "swap hands" and move it from one hand to the other. By just after 9 months she would move something from one hand to the other if I said "swap hands".

mendipgirl · 13/12/2011 15:10

DD2 is 9 months and understands the word No...usually when I say it when she is heading somewhere potentially dangerous she turns round looks at me, giggles and then crawls even faster to get where she wants to go!!

NotJustForClassic · 13/12/2011 15:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

mumtomoley · 13/12/2011 15:19

Thanks everyone.. DS does turn and look but I think he would turn and look if I said 'banana'!

And I don't really mean emergency situations but just generally teaching him right from wrong... is that pointless if they can't control their impulses?

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Ineedacleaneriamalazyslattern · 13/12/2011 15:22

I agree in not waiting until they can understand before saying it. With all 3 of mine as soon as they were able to move towards things that they shouldn't I said no and moved them away and it really isn't long before they realise when they hear no they will be moved.
The danger I think with waiting until you think they are understand is often they could understand ling before you realise it and can make your job harder.

BertieBotts · 13/12/2011 15:22

They don't instinctively understand it, you have to teach them what it means. So only ever use it if you're backing it up with an action, for example moving them away or taking something off them or holding their arm so they can't hit/pull hair/whatever.

Tiny children don't have a concept of "being cheeky", if they're looking at you and laughing and carrying on it's probably because they are quite pleased with themselves and imagine you are too. It's not some kind of proof that they're being defiant, that's just assigning adult thought processes to a baby.

TBH I find "no" a bit ambiguous when they are little and don't really have an understanding of what arbitrary things we have decided are "right" or "wrong", it's best to try and be specific, you can do this in general categories when they're little, with words like "Hot/ouch" "Not yours" "Too rough" and then increase it as they get older and replace the negatives with positive instructions such as "Careful" or "Gentle" (I found that when using the word "gentle" etc too early with DS he seemed to think that the word "gentle" meant "bash people over the head" )

You can also incorporate simple instructions this way as DeWe says. My sister taught DS to crawl downstairs backwards and from then on if he was going to get off a sofa, bed, stairs, slide etc all we had to say was "Feet first" and he'd turn around and get down backwards.

Davsmum · 13/12/2011 15:46

Notjustforclassic,

I think thats a good idea to use STOP for emergencies,.. and No for non emergencies.

NewBikeForChristmas · 13/12/2011 15:48

DS understood at 18 months, but not at 2 and a half.

Original poster

mumtomoley · 13/12/2011 16:12

Thanks bertie that's really helpful, and answers some of what I was wondering but couldn't put my finger on. Just saying 'no' to him doesn't feel that useful at his age because he has no concept of what he's doing wrong and must seem completely arbitrary. I know it can be conveyed with tone of voice, but it seems a bit confusing to be 'told off' for not playing with other babies gently, when he doesn't know that he is supposed to, if you see what I mean?

I think stern 'no' would be good for when it's something he does all the time, i.e. turns off the tv/dvd player etc. So 'no' and remove him from it, then maybe over time he'll get the idea. I don't expect it to be overnight but I can't just let him do it for ages and then suddenly start telling him off or it.

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ReebleBeeble · 13/12/2011 18:00

My DD is just coming up to one year and seems to understand on some level the meaning of 'no'. Since she started crawling at 6months I've said a firm 'no' whenever shes heading for plug sockets or wires and move her away to her toys (I wanted to teach her not to touch things rather than baby proof the house) and I'll clap loudly at the same time if its dangerous. Now if I say 'no', she stops and shakes her head (which is odd in its self. I dont shake my head. Neither does DP) and will either walk away or continue what shes about to do very slowly whilst keeping eye contact with me! Cheeky mare.

As for teaching her not to touch things, it seems to have worked. We have stair gates but thats as far as our baby proofing has gotten! (and blocking off the bookcases, but she seems to have a thing for books)

peppajay · 13/12/2011 18:27

My lo was a nightmare for attacking other babies from about 6 months and he is now 3.5. I was constantly saying no and moving him away but to avail it took him till 3 to really understand not to poke prod pull other babies and children he wasn't doing it in a malicious way just an explorative way but the more I said no the more he did it. Suddenly the no word clicked at about 3 and he now fully understands what it means. I think saying it when they are doing wrong is good so the word is ingrained in their brain but dont expect instant results it is not them being naughty their brains just don't understand the concept till they are about 3.

Sparklyboots · 13/12/2011 21:47

We have the face-grabbing tendencies here (11mo). I tell him 'gently' and either take his hand and stroke whatever he was just attacking or stroking his face as appropriate.

HappyAsASandboy · 13/12/2011 22:12

I would say it depends on the baby (doesn't everything!?)

I have B/G twins. My DD has understood 'no' (or the 'no' tone of voice) since I started saying it when she first crawled to a wire and got hold of it (at about 8 months old). The very first time, she looked at me, put it down, picked it up again while looking at ms, and then put it down and cried when u said no again (at which point I scooped her up for giggles). Ever since, she knows the word/tone and generally stops whatever she is doing if I say no (sometimes with a tantrum!).

My DS is completely different. He has only recently (at 13 months) started to touch things he shouldn't (content with toys til recently ), but now I have started to say 'no' to him more often it is completely hit and miss whether he stops what he's doing it not. He'll always look at me, but generally blankly, but is just as likely to go back to pulling the wire as not. I really don't think he understands what I mean.

So, I'm not very helpful It depends on the child, and is just as likely to be tone if voice as the word

Good luck though! I guess they'll all get it in the end

Listzilla · 14/12/2011 15:06

Mine walks over to the TV saying 'Ah ah! No!', and starts pressing buttons, grinning away to herself. She seems to be delighted to have worked out that that's what pressing the TV buttons is called

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