Please help with my 6yr old - do they all ignore everything that is said or is it just mine?

[Grockle]

OMG. DS is driving me bonkers. I've lost all pateince with him. He is bright and generally happy & well-mannered. He has mild hearing loss which was sorting itself - he's being checked again next week so I will know if this is related to that but I strongly believe it's not.

Random list of examples of stuff he does for no apparent reason:

Eats with his fingers. He's used a knife and fork since he was 2 - why now can he only use a fork but put food on it with his fingers? No amount gentle reminding, full-on nagging or even taking his dinner away has helped.

When told to get dressed, is often found 10 minutes later in his pants, surrounded by books. He CAN dress himself - he always used to. I put his school clothes on his radiator so he can do it easily. Yet he doesn't.

Constantly shoves clothes under his bed instead of putting them in the laundry basket (next to his bed)

Drops rubbish on the floor in the house

Yesterday, he was going to a fancy dress party. We were walking & it was cold out so I told him to put his fancy dress stuff on top of his clothes. He came downstairs with no clothes, just the outfit. I sent him back up, but he couldn't find his jeans so stood in the bedroom doing that crappy standing in one spot, spinning around trying to 'look' for his jeans (which he'd screwed up in the bottom of his dressing up box). He didn't even TRY to find them.

Refuses to drink/ finish breakfast without 10 million reminders. Then gets upset and seems surprised when I get cross.

Typical convcersation:

DS: WHat's this film called?
Me: Elf
DS: Is that what it's called?
Me: Yes
DS: So, it's called Elf?
Me: Yes, DS. The film is called Elf.
DS: Grockle'sDP, is this that true?
DP: Yes DS, that's what your mum said. The film is called Elf.
DS: Oh, so the film is called Elf?
Me: AAaarrrgggghh

Basically, it doesn't matter what I say, he either doesn't do it (even though he's heard me) or he argues with me about it/ corrects me. (eg if I say, do your zip up, he'll say, actually it's buttons, then give me a long lecture about why I am wrong...)

This has been going on for weels. I've given crap examples of things that don't really matter but it's the constant opposition/ ignoring that is really getting to me. I seem to spend all my time nagging/ threatening/ shouting. Are my expectations too high? Am I just tired, impatient and grumpy? Please help me to stop screeching.

Anyone?

Please tell me this is just a phase that will pass.

No, it's not just yours. My younger daughter is six and it is very, very hard to get her to focus on what I'm saying. Unless it involves chocolate.

Not sure I've got any decent suggestions, though. Tired, impatient and grumpy just about sums up my December so far .

Her nine year old sister is better, if it's any consolation ....

Well, that's reassuring - that it's not just mine and that your nine year old is a bit better, thank you. I'll put it down to it being December and will drink more wine

Yep it's perfectly normal, dd2 is 6 and has driven me to distraction today. She was rushing her christmas card writing so I asked her to take more time and effort and she shouted "if you think you're so clever you do it!" and flounced off! The other three dd's are no where near as stroppy! It's got to be the age

Yes, yes, that's how our christmas card writing went! With a bit of foot stamping, eye rolling and huffing and puffing thrown in for good measure. I never expected to have a 6 year old teenager

Well, the inability to get dressed without constant reminders that this is what he is supposed to be doing; favouring throwing socks across the bedroom for fun then losing them rather than getting them as far as the laundry basket; talking, giggling or daydreaming rather than eating his breakfast; and informing me it is a zip, not buttons, I should be asking him to do up when he clearly understood that what I meant was for him to hurry up and didn't care what form of fastener it actually was.... sounds very familiar. Oh, and leaving the wrapper from his chocolate advent calendar on the floor, too... The only cure for the getting dressed is to award points for every minute before a set time he makes it downstairs for breakfast fully dressed, with bed made, pyjamas put neatly on chair, teeth brushed, toilet flushed and upstairs lights turned out (ie reward is for doing all these things quickly, rather than for doing them!)... he proves himself remarkably capable of achieving all these things if points mean prizes at the end of the week, particularly if he can do it all faster than his db. Where rewards don't work, the threat of not reading the bedtime story that night invariably works. And a tiresome lecture about respect (actually, that doesn't work, but he gets it anyway).

I could've written your post OP. I have a 5 1/2 year old and a 6 1/2 year old and they both act like this. It is infuriating!!

Thank goodness! (I think!)

Lectures about respect ineffective here too. His teachers always say how wonderful he is so I don't get it. Actually, his teacher did tell me how 'mature' DS is at discussions - that he listens to others but respectfully & persistently puts forward his own argument, when he knows he is right. I did say 'he's argumentative, isn't he?' and the teacher said no, not at all and that it is a good skill to have. Not when you live with it, it's not!

My friend helpfully suggested that it is because he's a boy so I am glad people's DD's do this too.

My 6.5 yo ds KNOWS he's right. THere's absolutely no question. He thinks he's going to be a surgeon, but based on his arguing capabilities, Barrister is, I think, a potential future career....

We find with the speed issues that giving a reminder, then a reminder that there's a deadline and why there is a deadline - and then just following through helps a lot... for instance, he has breakfast in his pjs and then gets dressed and does his teeth. Often he can be found jiggling in the bathroom with his teeth brushed and pjs off and not much else sorted. However, he has been out of the front door in just in pants previously becuase he didn't hurry up, and its certainly quite a strong encouragement to make more rapid progress

We have exactly the same with 6 year old dd. You are lucky that he´s not like this at school. My dd had not been like that at school but now her teacher has told me she has suddenly started doing it at school - so that her teacher also has to tell her 80 times to put her coat on and she´s still standing there staring into space. Her teacher (very experienced) seems to think it´s not normal ... but I don´t know what to do. Her preschool teachers also used to complain about it so it´s been going on for a while. Her hearing has been checked and is fine. She goes to sleep at about 7.30pm and is fast asleep by about 7.45pm - which seems reasonable to me. I don´t think it´s her getting to bed too late. We have no tv at home, in her life she has watched 3 dvds (each only once), she plays alphablocks maybe once a week but otherwise no computer games. She has lots of fresh air, eats reasonably healthily, I think. We are a really happy family. I really am at a loss why she seems to live on another planet!

Same with 6.5 year old with ds.... Your conversation about the Elf film was spot on! I'm hoping he'll grow out of it! I feel I repeat myself so much I need a parrot only shoulder!

Sounds completely normal to me!

I have one of these models too! Huge relief that it is not just mine!

My 6 year old ds is exactly the same, I feel I should record myself saying put your coat on or get dressed or eat your breakfast and just keep playing it continually, it would save my voice :o