Potty Training. Almost 3 year old doesn't have it down yet.

[frustrated]

My daughter will be 3 in the middle of February and doesn't quite understand what it means to go tinkle in the potty. She understands the BMs but will not get to the potty to tinkle. Her older brother who is almost 5 did it once and had the hang of it. Any ideas of what I can do? She sits on the potty all the time but won't go.

I had to see my HV for ages about this 'cos my son just wouldn't go to the loo - for anything until he was at least 3.5. To get him to tinkle eventually, he would sit on loo and we would play "shhh, can you hear anything?" and typically it wouldn't be long before he created the first sound!!!

On the other side, it took him a lot longer to master the other but he gets very constipated still so soiling has been quite a problem.

Good luck!

Not much advice really, but my ds was over 3 when he finally 'trained.' I think all I would say is don't worry about it, she will get there. She will pick up on it if you stress out and it is likely to take even longer.

Frustrated, have you tried buying a loo seat and letting her sit straight on the loo and not the potty. You probably have, I found that worked best for ds. Even though he got the knack of going to wee in the potty instantly, I found the poo took much longer, so I put him straight on the loo and not the potty and he took to it fine. Sorry only advice I have at the mo and to be patient she will grasp this.

Thank you for the wonderful advice. She actually would rather sit on a potty seat on the big toilet. She has a very stubborn personality and I think that is the biggest reason why she is holding it. Yesterday after her nap I put a pair of her underpants on her and her diaper was even dry through the nap. She didn't pee pee in the underpants once. We sat on the big potty a lot but nothing. She was drinking a lot as well. I guess that is a good thing that she has the control to hold it. I'm sure when I put a diaper on her for bed she didn't hold the pee pee any more.

I think it might already have been mentioned on a previous board, I swear by the potty training book Gina Ford, it took my 2yr old just under two weeks, maybe I was lucky !! Keep trying, don't get too stressed (easier said than done I know), good luck !!

Well since my initial entry on November 6th about my almost 3 year old not going on the potty, we have arrived!I really worked with her for a good solid week and last week she had all her bm's and most of her tinkles on the potty except once. With going pee pee it really helped to keep her in underwear at home. She hasn't had any accidents and makes it to the potty every time. I put a pull up on her when we were out today and she stayed dry, telling me when she had to go potty when we were out. I just hope she keeps it up. Thanks to all for the encouragement and determination!

Many of my friends tell me that their daughters seem to be able to go nearly all day before producing the slightest 'tinkling' so I think it sounds as if girls do tend to 'go less'.

I am glad that you have made progress but wanted to just add some useful advice that I received for the next potential sticking point: That being the "please just try for a quick wee before we go" - "NO! I don't need one" situation and only being in the car for 10 minutes before they announce "I need a wee"!

Try this it works for me, no matter how adament my two are that they dont need to go to the toilet ..... my response is :

Oh, okay, but do you know, if you sit on the toilet anyway and a wee comes out that means its a 'MAGIC wee'. They try every time and invariably something comes followed by a very pround grin

Now all I say is "Has anyone got a magic wee?"

Its so tempting to use easy up pants but I think it seems to give children a false sense of security and is perhaps confusing as they are very similar in feel to nappies.

I believe that children learn quicker through experience and if they wet themselves then they remember that feeling of wetness and discomfort much more. Forethought isn't a toddlers priority.

I never used to rush to change wet trousers and pants and always went through the whole process of putting wet clothes in the wash basket, cleaning my sons up and getting fresh clothes to wear TOGETHER so that again the experience of doing this a couple of times stayed with them and acted as a deterent when those familiar feelings of needing a wee came about. Coz having to do all this and not play was a bit BORING for them!

If you do it for them they have no memory of it as being undesirable. Spending a couple of days at home doing this made it work so quickly by the time we were out and about it was sorted.

Always remind them that if they don't go to the toilet when they needed to then they'd have to go home to sort out fresh clothes - Do be prepared to go home as well. Try dummy outings if it helps and expect to come home.

Explaining things to children of a young age can be repetative & frustrating. Grown ups learn faster by experiencing things for themselves, children do too!

Good luck!

thanks for the magic wee tip. I tried it with my ds yesterday and he seemed to like the idea.
I first looked at Mumsnet yeterday and found this message trail and wonder if anyone out there can help with any ideas for my ds's potty training.
We started training him in July and had several accidents - wet and soiled - as expected for a few weeks. We were on holiday in France in September and after several accidents round the pool ( thankfully not in it! ) we managed to entice him to sit on the toilet to do a poo and gave him a euro coin as a reward. We then hit upon the idea of him saving up to buy a beautiful tin tractor I had already bought the day before. Great idea - it worked a treat and within a week he would tell us when he needed to poo and (usually) make it in time to the toilet. For 3 weeks after that he was fantastic and we had very few accidents ( wet or soiled) at home or at nursery. Feeling very smug I was ! Then it all seemed to go wrong and I cannot pinpoint exactly what triggered it. He is still fine with weeing in the toilet, but he refuses to poo in the toilet anymore. We've tried most things - saving up more coins for a motorbike toy, bribing with other things, getting him to sit on the toilet and reading him a story ( he now says he needs the toilet just so we read to him ! ). Usually within 5 minutes of sitting on the toilet and pretending to push, he'll poo in his pants. We know when he wants to poo as it is often preceeded with a little dance on tip toes as if he's uncomfortable or he'll say he needs a cuddle.
I'm convinced he knows when he needs to poo and I think he holds it in until he physically can't any longer. His poos are not solid ( he's not constipated ) but they are squishy and very smelly - not usual for him.
As I said, I can't pinpoint anything that might have triggered this regression - which has lasted a couple of months now - not that long, but because he had it completely sussed for 3 weeks I know he can do it, but he obviously chooses not to.
Has anyone else out there had a similar problem and if so any tips would be gratefully recieved !!!

Thanks Treacle for the excellent idea about not changing the wet clothes asap and getting the child to join in. My dd is just like frustrated's (3 in January): very stubborn. I'm sure she knows what to do, is aware and can hold on for ages, but seems not to want to let go! Doesn't seem to care about accidents either, when ds1 was mortified. Feels as though DS2 (10 months) will be out of nappies before her!