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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Settling baby (4 months) taking 1.5 hrs every eve and I am getting fed up

17 replies

dycey · 09/12/2011 22:35

my dd is just 18 weeks and as she's my second I have mot managed much of a routine. I tend to get her to sleep for the night just after my ds who is nearly 3. He goes down at 8pm after stories and a bath. Baby needs long feeds in the dark and if I manage to take her off the boob before this 1.5 hour window and she stats asleep then I inevitably end up resettling her by rocking if referring over and over until she is in a deep enough sleep by which point 1.5 hours has gone by and my evening has gone!

I tried to get get to bed before my ds but she needs such a long feed it didn't work. He couldn't watch tv independently all evening! And when I tried to let her cry she went on for too too long.

Will she get better without sleep training?

I haven't wanted to let her cry. I hate it. But I can't go on much longer.

Going to a dinner party with her tomorrow but csnt spend the evening in the dark. First night out since she was born.

My husband us getting a bit pissed off now.

Wish I could just feed her into a deep slumber.....

Any words of encouragement out there?? TIA

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Caz10 · 09/12/2011 22:42

Sorry have to say my dd2 is 6mths and not much better! I do the same, get her to bed after dd1 but although she goes down quite quickly she'll only settle for maybe 20 mins then pop back up again. This just goes on and on till abOut 11pm. I tried the no cry sleep solution with dd1 and remember it being good, worth a look? Although I think from memory it is maybe for older babies?

Caz10 · 09/12/2011 22:43

And as if on cue she is up again!

Original poster

dycey · 09/12/2011 22:46

Ah, and caz is she good after she finally settles? Mine is (or was til this week)..... Think I will do the no cry whatnot after Christmas. Should just roll with it I guess.

OP posts:

BrianButterfield · 09/12/2011 22:48

Can you feed her while your DS is in the bath/you're reading to him? That way you could overlap the bedtimes a bit. If you're starting her routine at 8 I would think that might be a bit late - I aim to get DS (16wks) to sleep by 8/8.30 pretty much, which means starting our routine (he has a bath every night) by 7.15/7.30.

habbibu · 09/12/2011 22:48

Could your husband not get ds bathed and put to bed, so that you could start getting dd down earlier?

MrsRhettButler · 09/12/2011 22:50

Have you considered giving her a bottle for this feed? You could express if you don't want to introduce formula? Although I have found that formula fills them up quicker and better.

Caz10 · 09/12/2011 23:02

Not really, ha! But it is her longest stretch of sleep, anywhere from 3-5hrs.

Re other posts- if dh is about it is much easier, he takes dd1 and I get dd2 down much earlier BUT she still just does short bursts of sleep. I have her in the bath at 6:30 but she's still up and down.

Short term, for your dinner party, will he sleep in his pram? Dd is out like a light in hers, quite tempted just to move it up to the bedroom!

Caz10 · 09/12/2011 23:03

Sorry, your dd not ds

habbibu · 09/12/2011 23:08

Caz, my dd did sleep in her pram for the first few months of her life (it was a big silver cross coach built monster, mind). Total faff dragging it all around (we were in a flat, so bedroom not upstairs, but steps up and down to our front door) but worth it. But then we thought she didn't sleep well. And then we had ds...

Original poster

dycey · 10/12/2011 02:39

Thanks everyone - dh comes back at 7:30 so helps with the last steps. But yea I oughta move her bedtime forward which I guess means getting her up in the morning before 8:30 when she eventually wakes.

I did try a bottle of expressed milk and it was very helpful as it knocked her out fast. But how to find the time to express?

I have been "muddling through" but now I want to start managing a bit better!

OP posts:

MrsRhettButler · 10/12/2011 09:57

Are you totally against one bottle of formula? If you are then the best time to express is just before she feeds from you, you could get an ounce or two before every feed of the day and then would have enough for a whole bedtime feed. After the first day you would be able to express after you give her the bedtime bottle as you would have the extra milk that she hasn't drank from you.
If you're not against formula then just give her a bottle of that.

BoysBoysBoysAndMe · 11/12/2011 00:03

I would bring bedime earlier if I were you.

I have 2 sons. 5 and 5 months.

6pm- both in the bath.
6.15 - both out and inpj's
6.30 - snack and hot chocolate for 5 year old
6.45 - 5 year old sits in bed with book while I feed and settle baby in the dark
7pm - read book to 5 year old, kisses, hug etc
7.15 - check on baby, usually fast asleep.

Is your baby tired? When is her nap before bedtime? Lat nap for mine is about 3 til4pm.

have to say, looks pretty easy, but doing it is different! But once baby knows what is going to happen they settle quicker.

BoysBoysBoysAndMe · 11/12/2011 00:08

Or get your eldest to bed earlier so you can concentrate on getting your youngest into a routine?

TimeWasting · 11/12/2011 00:12

DD who is 8 weeks has been asleep for three hours, in my lap.

One thing I would have done differently with DS is trying to get him into a routine from around 4 months as I did.
Instead of having a sleepy baby in lap, or in rocker chair handy for any settling or cluster feeding, I spent every evening up and down the stairs.
Because I thought I should be getting him into a routine.
So I'm not going to even attempt any bedtime routine til this one is definitely ready.

I know what you mean about muddling through, but I've decided that muddling through is fine. Not worrying about bedtime routine is one less thing to worry about.
Adding expressing onto the Things to Do list plus all the washing, sterilising that that entails is not going to make life easier.

BoysBoysBoysAndMe · 11/12/2011 00:29

Definitely second time, I only have a routine now as DS2 kind of fell into it and I adjusted it a little.

You do have to wait until they settle into a routine. You can't choose one. Do you have routine inthe day? Like Lunch, dinner times? If you have a little routine in the afternoons you might find in a few weeks your baby will settle into a routine and you'll be able to gage what to do for the best in the evening?

Original poster

dycey · 11/12/2011 17:10

Thanks everyone ... I guess if I got her up earlier then it would all settle down. My first fell into his own routine so I was thinking she would and now I am panicking she won't!

Earlier bedtime is one issue

Settling without endless sucking on breast is another!

Feel a bit lost but maybe I just need to muddle through a bit longer. We are away a lot over Christmas so can tackle it in the new year. Also ds will be sleeping further away from her in his new room so I can let her make a bit more noise. At the moment we are all sleeping v close together.

I do appreciate your ideas. Advice. Experience. Thank you

OP posts:

cd19882011 · 11/12/2011 20:51

I know exactly how you feel my baby would take ages to settle during the day and would only settle with me holding him.

I gave him a dummy and brought a music light which sounded when my baby cried during the day and night time with a light show which sent him to sleep. I think it was about £25:00 and was worth every penny.

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