Is my sons teacher trying to suggest my 4yr old son has ADHD???

[mum24s]

My 4yr son has always been lively nothing that seems too over the top just a boys boy! We describe him as a cheeky chappie or a pickle, he is not spiteful or violent, he's no angel but is what I class as normal in the behaviour stakes.

However he has started school and his teacher has said he lacks concentration and fidgets constantly on the carpet, she said she is concerned that this will impact on his learning.

I am more of the view it is immaturity, he loves books, lego and his figures(he has a wicked imagination) and can play for ages with these, he still fidgets about but then we have never really made him sit.

This however has constantly filled my mind, today was his Christmas play he was fidgety and a pickle towads the end with the boy next to him mainly laughing and giggling over their Halo's (cant believe she cast him as an Angel!) and it was more than some of the others, have I got something to worry over or will he get better at sitting still as time goes by.

His older brother also had trouble sitting still when he first started school and was and still is to a degree less mature than his peers but is flying at school thats why I am inclined to feel its immaturity not ADHD.

Is their anyone with some advice, I feel sometimes that schools expect far too much from children and that because school targets are highlighted so much those less acedemic (whatever age) are then labelled to give an excuse as to why they are not meeting the expectations adults expect of them.

You said yourseld that your son was noticeable worse behaved than the other children - so it's not about meeting the expectations adult set for them, it's about not being able to do what his peers do...and that does warrant attention.

He was a pickle but no worse that the boy next to him or at least 4 others that the teacher had to talk to about sitting still.

I think she was just telling you how he was getting on wasn't she?

She could just as easily said 'he seems to get tired towards the end of the day' or 'he calls out a lot in class and needs to wait a little mire often'

I wouldn't read 'he struggles to concentrate and fidgets' as we think he has adhd. Did she say something else or are you responding to your own private concerns.

I would say poor concentration and fidgeting is average enough

She was just very clear that she was worried that this behaviour would affect his ability to learn and she would like a meeting with me in January to review how he is getting on. Although after just 8 weeks of school he knows his phonics and can sound out and recognise some words, which I dont think is bad.

ADHD came to mind as someone at work suggested to me that is what she was implying.

I work as a TA and have never thought his behaviour was at all like some of the ADHD children we have at school, dont get me wrong he is boy as some may say but he can also be very calm.

Your son sounds exactly the same as my DD ! She's one of the youngest in her class.. She started school in sept 2010 within a week they had called me in to say more or less the same thing as you said.. Lack of concentration, won't sit still etc etc
Yeah she is full of energy and stuff but my younger sister had ADHD as a child and she's nothing like that..
They had the schools Senco see her for her whole school year.. Got an IEP into place and want her to see an educational psychologist.. We recently moved areas do she changed schoolS. Her new school is like a breath of fresh air they realise that she learns differently and are focusing on how she does learn (I.e visually rather than sitting and being talked at) and are moving forward that way
I personally think they expect too much from kids and don't have the patience for them..
Stick with your instinct and tell them straight dont let them put things in your head that you feel isn't true !!!

DD is in Year 1 and fidgets constantly (she actually fidgets herself to sleep). Her attention span is borderline ok but only as long as she can fidget. Her teacher has talked about getting her a fidget cushion which apparently she used for her own son who was similar. We've not done it but I am tempted.

It's not affecting her learning though and she's doing pretty well in most things, however, it's a small class and the teacher finds ways to keep her attention so that probably helps.

Ok. But I am still not sure that is what she is suggesting.

A child at 4 may still need to learn to concentrate, may need strategies to help develop that skill and a teacher will be concerned that failure to learn that may become a problem.
It seems sensible to review whether he is developing that or seems unable to control himself.

Perhaps she wnts to tell you so that you can help him recognize when there are times when he should start being quiet/sitting still to listen.

We are making an effort at home to have extra quiet time, that means no TV, no noisey play, just books quiet, family games or just colouring and talking.

I am tempted to start fish oils but need to find out what ones are the best and look at some studies on them.

TBH I think everyone expects far too much from little ones - they are only just 'not toddlers'!!

I kept my DD out of school 'home educated' (played a lot and talked and did fun stuff) until she was 6 when I thought she was emotionally mature enough to deal with school.

I'd fidget and mess about if I had to spend 30 hours a week in a classroom, and lets be fair - why on earth does a 4/5 year old need to be able to read?! I bet he can sit still if he's doing something he enjoys

Anyway, don't let them tell you what's what, you are his mum and know him best, and you may want to consider taking him out of school for a while, or moving schools.

and wtf is a fidget cushion?! Haven't heard such ridiculousness (is that a word?! it is now lol) in a long while. Rant over x

Hippymum89 totally agree with you!!! played for ages with his pirate ship, legomen and his dinosaurs making up a fantastic story! :)

Unfortunately I cant home school and the school he's at wasnt my choice but school admissions deemed I live to far from my first choice which was my CLOSET school (and its the one I work at!)!!

[like!] Oh well, just smile and nod when they have their say, and tell your little one you think he is just fine and explain that grown ups (teachers)sometimes have totally mental ideas about things, best let them get on with it if that's what they want

My dd was like your son in reception. Since she was going to be staying at school and I fundamentally trust them (am from family of teachers). I decided to listen to what they said and try to help dd. she's in year one now and the improvement is astonishing. If your son doesn't learn to concentrate better he will have a rough time in year one and beyond and reception is a safe place to gently calm him down. Dd hasn't been squashed but she can concentrate for longer. Incidentally, her academic progress hasn't been hampered-she's a very capable reader and doing well at all the other stuff too.

My Ds1 was like that when 6 (!) including the bit with the halo .

we had a lovely, experienced, teacher in Y1 who said he was "just a typical year 1 boy" and that for some boys this age, sitting still for longer periods is already quite and achievement.

He was just not that mature for his age. He now is a "calm" 8 year old who can sit down and concentrate really well.

FWIW I think too much is expected of children, esp. boys (who lag behind in maturity compared to girls) in Yr/Y1.

Also, for us we did not need more quiet time at home, instead we signed him up to lots of sport! He does judo, karate, football and tennis. And has energy left after that! But it really helps him to calm down when he has to, if he can run and "fight" for an hour each day.

Lots of boys are a bit like puppies , they need their exercise.

Maybe she's trying to tell you he lacks discipline?

I think I'm quite a strong mum where discipline is concerned but he has got a smile that could melt the Ice Queen!

I just hope they take the Immaturity line I would hate to have a battle, as I said before my eldest son was the same with his concentration just not a boisterous and he just took time to settle and mature.

I suspect it will be easier to avoid a battle if you don't assume that their concerns mean ADHD or some other issue.

I think several have had conversations about dc needing to improve concentration in early years. I had that with ds1. I worked with the school and it resolved itself quite quickly. He is now at Exeter reading English.
Perhaps ignore the assumptions of the woman at work?

If you are interested in efas then Eye-q are quite good. If you buy when boots have three for two it is cheaper ( ds2 has asd. They help him)

how did they get her to concentrate more? My DD is nearly 3 and her pre-school say she is terrible at concentrating and not into group activities. She plays a lot on her own at home and looks at books on her own, and has a great imagination. Her language is good too. I think it's just her age but we too have been called to a meeting in January! I feel like she is the only one and the rest are angels which can't possibly be true.

i was doing ok until i read 'some of the adhd children'.

you really don't want him viewed as one of those, do you?

pop along in jan and see what she says. he's 4. plenty of time to either calm down, or get that dx you don't want.

Unfortunately we have to realistic if you mention ADHD to anyone who is not aware of the many differences of this condition then everyone assumes a wild child out of control or just a naughty child and NO I don't want him viewed to be one of those children.

He is lovely, caring, sweet and kind and would hate for anyone to think bad of him.

I'm sorry if I've upset anyone I really didn't mean to but at the same time I will not let him be labelled something he may not be that also could have a major impact on his life.

a bit like you viewed those children as a TA you mean? no, i wouldn't want him to be viewed like 'one of those' either.

i'm sure their mothers view them in exactly the same way you view your son. lovely, caring sweet and kind don't preclude adhd.

either way, you have plenty of time for everyone else to make their own mind up, with or without a label.

Unfortunately some of our children are out of control some of the time and its not being nasty its being realistic but it doesn't mean I love every individual one of the children I work with for the fun and joy they bring to me every single day.

I was just stating my son had not shown the type of behaviour that I have witnessed therefore it hadn't occurred to me that he may have ADHD.

I think that says it all,

right.
but of course you also know that 'out of control' isn't a pre-requisite for adhd. it's just that generally speaking no-one bothers to dx or offer help unless a child is out of control. so the ones who are 'just' inattentive or hyper... which affects their learning just as much as being disruptive, it just doesn't affect their peer group, so isn't as important in a school setting.

i don't think he has got adhd by the way. i think he's just a 4 year old.

but if he does turn out to have adhd, i think you are extremely lucky to have an attentive teacher who is doing the best for all of the children in her care, not just the ones she can't control.

My DD probably has AdHD and is not wild or naughty either.

They won't DX at 4 anyway and it does sound like she is just trying to help hm learn, she sounds on the ball.

I don't think telling him not to listen to the teacher because she has 'mental ideas' is exactly a great attitude to encourage at school either.