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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

2yr old gone off her grandparents, dreading Xmas

7 replies

specialagentmeh · 08/12/2011 00:58

My DD is 2.8 and has had a great relationship with my PIL. Since she was 1 she's spent a day a week with them, occasionally stayed for a sleepover always been really happy & excited about going and all three have had a great time.

They looked after her over 2 nights whilst DS, now 5 weeks was being born. There were some complications & DS and I ended up returning to hospital for another 10 days & PIL helped with pre school pickups but DH was home for her bedtime all but 2 nights when her other granny, my mum stayed.

DD is lovely with new baby, but for the 3 weeks we've been back home she is increasingly horrible to her GPs - doesnt want to go out with them or to their house anymore and is rude whiny & stroppy while they visit. Today they bought her a gift & she said she didn't want it & threw it across the room, which appalled me.

Anyone experienced similar/any advice? . PIL aren't even overly interested in new baby, they're keen to ensure DD doesn't feel left out & because he has been ill, they haven't been holding him, so I don't think it's jealousy. When it's just the four of us she's much nicer.

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alarkaspree · 08/12/2011 01:08

I think all you can do it wait for her to get over it. It does sound as though she has in some way associated your PILs with a time when she was feeling insecure and disrupted. In time she will build new, fun associations with them again and it will be fine. But for the time being it's awkward. I hope they are understanding about it and trying not to let it hurt their feelings.

I'd try to take the pressure off their relationship, make sure they have plenty of opportunities to do fun things with your dd (should be easy over Christmas) but don't make her stay alone with them until she wants to again.

Original poster

specialagentmeh · 08/12/2011 01:36

Thanks that makes total sense. We haven't had them look after her as they used to since baby came home (although it would be nice!) for that reason.
Slightly baffled though why she is playing up so much on occasions when it's clear they are only visiting. They're coming to ours for Xmas day which will be awful if she is still feeling like this

OP posts:

Liluri · 08/12/2011 01:55

Wise words from alarkaspree.
I think just take Christmas Day as it comes - be brisk and breezy if DD doesn't want to be around them too much. Make sure you have plenty of distractions available eg: craft activities or similar that she can do in another room if necessary.
I'm sure they understand that she's had quite a lot of change to deal with recently, and she is only very little still.

AlmaWalkingInAWinterWonderland · 08/12/2011 07:55

Sounds like you've had some great advice. She probably is associating your PIL with a worrying time but I'm sure she'll calm down. After I had my DC2, DD was 22 months, and went off me :( I spent 5 days in hospital and hadn't been away from her before. She wouldn't let me hug her, put her to bed etc for a while after I got home. It was really hard but I carried on trying and we were back to normal in a couple of months. She was OK with me if she had to be - when DH was at work - which helped. I guess you never know how they'll interpret what's happen. Be gentle with her and let her see them in a non pressured environment for a while and I'm sure it will be fine - Christmas fairs and stuff may be good for spending time together where the focus is on something else.

Congratulations on your DS btw :)

Original poster

specialagentmeh · 08/12/2011 23:04

Thanks everyone. Alma, that must have been horrible! Just found out DS & I probably be staying back in hospital for a follow up 3 days next week. Will try & get DH to do bulk of childcare with DD instead of GPs but have them take her to a Xmas party which is the morning of the hospital admission. Fingers crossed that'll be fun & distracting...

OP posts:

nicebutjim · 08/12/2011 23:32

We had the same situation. I put it down to Dd wanting to see more of us and expressing that in terme of seeing less of gps as they were replacing us most of the time. I just tried to spend lots of time with her and gps together so she could see that their presence didnt automatically mean us going away. It got better eventually

Murtette · 09/12/2011 22:30

I think Alarka is spot on. My DD (2.1mo) has always got on with my parents very well and spent 5 nights with them about three months ago whilst DP and I were in NY. On the two occasions since then that they have stayed with us for the weekend, DD is happy to, for example, be taken to the park by them but always wants to know exactly where I am going to be, what I am going to be doing & whether I'll be at home when she gets back and often says "no aeroplane" (when we went to NY, I'd explained about us going on an aeroplane and, whilst we were away, apparently she kept saying "no aeroplane").

Of course with a new baby, there's bound to be an element of jealously so maybe she's finding an outlet for both of those when she sees your PIL. Hopefully they will be understanding of the situation & you'll all be on an even keel again soon.

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