dd(4) keeps her feelings and thoughts to herself.

[crispface]

Hello. DD is an only child at the moment, she is very confident and incredibly funy. She likes to make people laugh, and is the kind of person who will try and diffuse a situation, either by humour, or by changing the subject and keeping on at it like a dog with a bone

She cries easily, and often. Possibly more than most children her age. Particularly when she doesnt get her own way, or when she feels she has been treated unfairly.

However she keeps things to herself. She just doesn't discuss them. The most recent example is the fact that she chose to give up her dummies recently. She was incredibly proud of herself, and spoke about her achievement a lot. When she went to nursery the next day i told her carers, so they could reinforce her bravely and talk to her about how she is feeling. But whenever they asked her what big thing she had done the night before..etc etc, she pretended she hd no idea what they were talking about. And in group time, she wouldn't expand on what the carers were saying. When i asked her about it, she said it was because it was a "secret" and she only told her best friend.

I had the talk with her about secrets and that they shouldn't be kept etc, but she said "i am not keeping secrets from you mummy, i am just not telling nursery about my dummies"

this is not an isolated incident either. Is this just her character, or should I be helping her to open up in some way, and if so, how?

My dd1 was/is just like this. Now I know if she mentions something that's bothering her then it is a major issue that has been going on for some time, so I act on it.

Dd2 is the complete opposite and I get every potential problem/joy run past me with all the gory details.

For dd1 it is character. She'll 11 now and she's just achieved something that is very impressive for her and she has hardly told anyone. Dd2 is desperate to tell everyone for her.

But there are things like she has been having problems with snide remarks from one particular girl. It was getting to her mentioning something said a couple of times a week, and I mentioned it to the teacher at parents' evening. He asked her about it and she said it was "not bothering her", which it clearly was from the way she referred to it at home.

If a child doesn't want to open up, unless there are issues that need to be addressed, then I think you have to respect their privacy. Tbh if they don't want to talk about feelings or something they've done then there's not much they can do.

I think you could slighly revamp your take on secrets. Rephrase it so that no other person should ask you to keep secrets from your mum and dad. But don't let her think that she has no right to her own privacy.

Some children have a strong need of privacy and don't want their private affairs discussed by all and sundry: I think this should be respected. I think if she senses that you are too willing to divulge things that she doesn't want divulged, she might stop confiding in you, and that would be less safe.

Some dc are just like that...my oldest DD is. She's 7 now and still rarely shares her feelings and thoughts. have found that as she has gotten older, there is a window of time where she tells me thngs. I have learned not to badger as she hates that. Instead I lie with her in the dark for ten minutes at night and then she tells me things.

As for the not telling anyone at nursery...don' even think about it...she's just trying a mature hat on maybe...she could have felt embarrased about the dummies. My 3 year old was embarrassed about her bedtime bottle which she only gave up last month!