previously good sleeper will not sleep through- advice please!

[Mrsoverreaction]

I know this is a vast area but I really need some advice please. DD who is 10 months old and who has always been a very good sleeper has only slept through a handful of times in the last couple of months. We have explored many avenues to try and tackle this, e.g. we know that teething has been an issue and have used (with some success) calpol, teething gels and salts, cold teethers etc.HOWEVER, I really feel that her waking has now become a habit and I don't know how to break it. The odd thing is she always sleeps through at the grandparents' house so we know she definitely can still do it.

I am starting to think it may be something to do with her food to milk ratio because often she will not re-settle until she has been given milk (we're normally talking any time between 2am and 5am here) but she gets loads of milk during the day. Is it possible I am giving her too much milk and that therefore she is not taking enough of the sustaining solids that would get her through the night?

Last night I was adamant I was going to be tough (we have done controlled crying with her before with success) but she got herself so worked up and becomes absolutely hysterical that after 25 mins of screaming and no sign of letting up I gave in. On a previous night she screamed for an hour! She does often settle easily after milk so I am reluctant to refuse her it in case she is genuinely hungry. In which case, what am I doing wrong during the day?! Please help.

Hi Mrs O,

I don't really have any helpful advice, but I just wanted you to know that you're not alone! I could have written your message - my DS is 11 months old and over the last month he's started waking up pretty regularly at about 4am, and it takes us about an hour (or sometimes more) to get him to settle back to sleep. We have been bringing him into our bed as it means we all get to sleep again a bit quicker, but I don't want to keep doing this as I'm worried that he then won't want to sleep in his own bed.

Someone at work suggested that he might be having nightmares - apparently they go through a phase at around this age - have you considered that? My DS is often really really upset when he wakes up, which makes me think that it might be bad dreams.

Anyway, good luck and let me know how you get on.

Margie xxx

If she sleeps through at her grandparents then I'd be inclined to believe it was something to do with her sleeping arrangements. Is she cold? Is it darker/quieter there? Is the cot there more comfy? It has gotten colder in the last couple of months so could that be it?

how much milk is she having during the day? and how much solids?

If she sleeps through at her grandparents then you are probably right in that it has become a habit rather than anything else.

She needs to learn that there is no incentive to waking in the night and that she will not gain anything from it. So instead of milk I would be inclined to give her water, she will soon learn that there isn't any milk forthcoming so that might well disincentivise her from waking up and protesting. also keep things as low-key as possible, so no lights on, no talking, no real attention at all...

At this age she shouldn't be needing milk during the night too, so if she's hungry during the night then you need to address what she's eating during the day too.

Thanks peeps! Everything people are saying makes sense, and TBH a lot of these we have thought about and tried to address. We have nigh on interrogated grandparents about whether they do anything differently and what temp they have the bedroom at. The only differences I can identify at this stage is that they leave the nursery door slightly ajar (not really poss for us as we have cats) and if anything I'd say it's lighter in their nursery.

Margie, this might sound odd but I really don't think she wants to be in our bed. She's always been a very independent little thing, we've never done the co-sleeping thing (apart from a few odd hours in the early days when I fell asleep with her in the bed breastfeeding )and she's slept in her own room from about 4 months.

RJRabbit: it's funny you should mention about temperature. I'm convinced it might be a factor, DH thinks I'm mad, especially when I say that although the thermometer might say it's still at the same temp as we had the room over the summer months (mainly between 18 - 20) I'm convinced it feels colder in there and have insisted that she wear a vest under her babygro and have a 2.5 tog sleeping bag rather than a 1 tog. Hmmmm, could she be too hot??? I always use the argument that if we wake up in the night cold it's really hard to get back to sleep.

wannaBe: she has between 15 - 20oz milk every day. She gets offered 7oz before morning nap, 7oz before lunchtime nap and 7oz before bed. She doesn't always have all this - sometimes if we miss the morning nap for whatever reason she doesn't have any milk in the morning at all. We have tried only offering water and it has worked a couple of times but we mainly find that whatever else we try she only gets more and more wound up until she gets milk. And I must admit when you know that milk will usually solve the problem relatively quickly it's hard to resist giving it!

It's hard to say how much food she has. I've tried making sure she has her carbs at night. An average meal might be half a jar of 7+ month food plus a petit filou or mango and apple rice pot. (I must stress I don't always feed her ready foods, I do try and give her homemade mainly and that might be fish pie, salmon risotto, beef and sweet potato etc)

I am starting to wonder if having the radiator on in her room and layering her up is actually making her wake up hot and dehydrated...