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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

10 month old just won't sleep

14 replies

Moufiesmum · 07/12/2011 01:32

Hi,

Ive not been here before but I'm really desperate for some advice and hoping some of you may be able to help.

My 10 month old baby has stopped sleeping through the night and screams if I put her down in the day. It all started after i had to have surgery and i wonder if that might have caused her some stress. From what Ive read it sounds as though she is going through separation anxiety but its been 4 weeks now and nothing I do seems to work :(

The only thing I haven't tried is leaving her to cry it out (it breaks my heart) but this is what my husband and friends are telling me to do

What do you think? Is it ok to just let her cry? If I do let her cry how long for and how do I sooth her once I feel she had cried to long?

Any advice very gratefully received

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KristinaM · 07/12/2011 07:48

Im no expert but None of my children slept through the night at 10 months so what you describe is normal to me. Why dont you just pick her up and feed her? Will she go back to sleep if you do this? How many times does she wake?

Original poster

Moufiesmum · 07/12/2011 09:03

Thanks for your reply. Its different for her to wake at night. i put her down at 7 and she woke twice up to 9pm but settled quickly again. Then she woke at 10 and cried for 4 hours none stop unless i held her and then she dropped off. Then she woke at 4:30 for an hour and we were up at 7.
We check everything, nappy is clean, it's not teething, she refuses a bottle so she's not hungry. She just wants me to hold her all the time which is obviously not practical. The second I put her down (day or night) she cries again. I'm sure it's separation anxiety but all the reccomended ways of dealing with it don't seem to work so I'm feeling lost about what to do next.

OP posts:

KristinaM · 07/12/2011 11:06

Oh dear, that sounds exhausting! Have you thought about trying co sleeping?

Original poster

Moufiesmum · 07/12/2011 11:19

Well we have tried to bring her in to our bed just to get her to settle but she's not having any of it. The only way she stops crying is if I have her over my shoulder.

Feeling like a bad mum at the mo coz I really should be able to cope with this.

OP posts:

KristinaM · 07/12/2011 11:21

You are not a bad mum, its exhuasting when you are up half the night and you feel so helpless when they are so upset but you cant work out why

Original poster

Moufiesmum · 07/12/2011 11:42

Thank you but I do feel bad for not coping. For the firts time in 10 months I just sat a cried last night. My husband thinks I've lost the plot.
Feel better about things this morning and although I don't expect to sleep much again tonight I am feeling more positive :)

OP posts:

Margie32 · 07/12/2011 14:24

Hi Moufiesmum,

I just wanted to let you know you're not alone, it seems that there are quite a few of us on here with babies of 10/11 months who can't sleep! My DS has always been a good sleeper until about a month ago when he started waking up and crying hysterically unless I was holding him. Even when I think he's asleep, the moment I put him down in his cot he starts crying again. It's heartbreaking.

For the time being we bring him into bed with us as it's the only way any of us get any sleep, but I know it's not the ideal solution. Someone said to me that he could be having nightmares - I didn't realise that they could have them this young, but it would explain why he gets so upset and freaked out.

You are not a bad Mum and you have not lost the plot. Being dead tired is the absolutely worst thing...but you're not alone...and this too will pass.

xxx

Original poster

Moufiesmum · 08/12/2011 04:12

Hi Margie32

Thanks for your kindness and support. It does seem that there are lots of others out there with 10/11 month olds who have suddenly stopped sleeping.

I felt really desperate for some answers last night and although there is no magic solution I have felt much more positive knowing that Im not alone.

Tonight we resorted to controlled crying. I did our usual bedtime routine and put her to bed at seven. She cried the moment she was in her cot but i walked out and waited 2 mins before going back in and telling her i was there and its bed time. Then walked out and waited 5 mins before going back in. I was going to wait ten mins for the next one but she went to sleep :)

It was heartbreaking but so far has really worked and worked fast. She has woken up a couple of times since but by taking a step back and waiting a couple of minutes before I go in I have actually realised that she is just whimpering for a minute and is asleep again before the 2 minutes is up. I think that maybe I have been reacting to quickly to every little noise she makes and that when I go in to comfort her that actually disturbs her more and causes the crying to escalate.

It's early days but fingers crossed we may have found something that works for us.

Wouldn't you know it though...it's 4:10 and baby is sleeping but I'm wide awake :)

OP posts:

KristinaM · 08/12/2011 05:20

Glad youve had a better night

And dont worry about being in floods of tears, all mums are allowwd the occasioanl weepy day. And one day in 10 months is pretty good going

Your dh needs to give you tea and sympathy and to take a turn at the night feeds . If he works monday to friday, couldnt he do friday and saturday nights?

NaughtyBusterAndTheBumFactory · 08/12/2011 08:48

My Ds is nearly 12 months. I have always cuddled him to sleep and until recently he would sleep 7pm til 7am. He is now taking forever to go to sleep and waking in the night and wanting to be held. The trouble is it is taking forever for him to drop off (although he is perfectly happy when held). Last night he woke at 12pm and i was so tired so i did the put down cry, pick up, put down, cry etc until he finally gave up 1hr later! I hated it. I just feel like the cuddling to sleep is getting worse.

He did then sleep until 8am today!! I guess i need to perservere but it feels wrong to do that and i much preferred it when he just slept through after a cuddle.

Just wanted to reassure you that it does seem fairly common and that you are not a bad Mum. In fact you have reassured me that i need to keep going!! I wish it didnt have to be this way but hopefully in a couple of weeks we will have content sleeping babies! Good luck op.

debka · 08/12/2011 14:24

I was going to gently advise CC, but then read that you'd tried it and it worked. Unfortunately sometimes I think they just need to learn to go off by themselves, and I think it really is cruel to be kind, becuase once they get it they are so much happier. My 10mo was like this a few months ago and I did CC- after 2 nights she slept through and has done ever since.

Original poster

Moufiesmum · 08/12/2011 16:55

Thank you everyone

I'm going to keep going with cc and hope that she learns how to self settle. It didnt feel as harsh as i thought it would because i keep going in after a set time to reasure her that mummy is always there.

I worked well last night and although it was heartbreaking I felt less stress because I was taking control of the situation (big control freak that I am)

I really hope all of your lovely babies are able to get back to their normal sleep pattern soon and that you all get a well deserved good nights sleep :)

OP posts:

debka · 08/12/2011 21:17

I totally know what you mean about taking control, that's just what I felt when I did it.

Good luck tonight x

AlexNiko · 20/05/2012 23:21

Hi, my 81/2month old started waking p every 45 minutes and needs to be rocked to sleep. Sometimes we rock her 40 to 50 minutes until she drifts off and then put her in her bed. However the moment she touches her cot she tarts screaming as if I am cutting her throat. We have tried pick up put down, controlled crying and nothing work. Now we are desperate and need sleep expert that cn come and visits us and let us know what the issue with her sleep is. Can you recommend anyone? Thanks

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