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Behaviour/development

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extreme separation anxiety at 11 months, really struggling.

5 replies

eightisseventoomany · 07/12/2011 00:16

I have had 5 ds's and 2 dd's ! Normally I am the one giving advice !!...however..I am dumbfounded as to what to do with my just turned 11 month old who cries excessively when I put her down. She refuses to sleep in her cot, sit in a chair etc. She screams for me to hold her all day and all night I have to be with her.

I know most infants get S.A between 10 months to 18m ..most of mine had the usual type..i.e cry at strangers, if we left the room or went to strange places & all could be calmed down & put to ease after a while of reassuring them ...but my dd will not be reassured even at home, with no strangers, usual routine every day. All the time I'm holding her shes happy as a button, watching the goings on around her & giggling at all the others & daddy, but as soon as i put her down she cries.

I struggle to get anything done at home & my other dc's are almost being neglected because of the demands of my dd. When she is tired, I sit beside her, holding her hand & stroking her whilst keep gently putting her back in a moses basket (on the lounge floor without the stand), also in her cot upstairs but she will not even stay in any cots/beds no matter how exhausted she is. I take her out & breast feed her a while until she is practically asleep & gently lay her down, but as soon as she realises, she back screaming & arms stretched trying to cling to me.

this has been ongoing for almost 3 months, during which time ive tried : leaving her to cry for a period of time, returning to her every 5 mins to show her im still there, leaving the length of time longer between intervals etc, picking her up & waiting until she sleeps before putting her down for a nap etc nothing works, i was doing this all night once, and still she wouldn't give up, she fell asleep sitting up after 3 hours, and woke 10 mins later & started again !

during the day I sit beside her & play with the other children, never leaving her side, & she still only sits for 5-10 mins before clambering up me again. she is a confident girl, she can crawl, cruise around & stand unaided & she gets much praise etc which she loves..but I always must be with her & never move a few feet from her during the day, and she will never sleep unless in my bed with me.

I am lost for what to do. :(

i know she will eventually grow out of it, but this behaviour is too much of a strain for the whole family. I don't think its fair for my other dc's if this continues for much longer, as they are young also, and are getting no time with mummy at all. first time I have ever had a situation I couldn't resolve, i feel terrible for her and my others.

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Moufiesmum · 07/12/2011 09:17

Reading your post I feel we could have exactly the same baby. I have also tried everything you have done and nothing works at all. I've been sleeping on the nursery floor so she knows I'm there but that doesn't work either.
Now fighting with hubby about it as he thinks I should check she is ok (clean nappy, not hungry, not ill) and then just leave her. I just can't listen to her cry but I'm starting to feel this the only option left.

We've only has this for 4 weeks so I really feel for you.

Iggly · 07/12/2011 09:23

I know it's intensive but give her loads of cuddles and reassurance. Don't leave her unless you have to - then you build up a secure base from which you can then work on leaving her more.
Don't sneak off either.

It's worth checking for teething too - DS was always more clingy when ill or teeth on the way. We've always given loads of reassurance and responded quickly to cries - now at age 2 he's happy trotting off to nursery etc, he settled incredibly quickly! He knows we come back so is very secure and confident.

eightisseventoomany · 07/12/2011 16:32

Quite strange, i posted this late last night (utterly exhausted!) and today we appear to have turned a little corner Shock I think someone up high Grin read my post.

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AngelsfromtherealmsofgloryDog · 07/12/2011 20:59

I agree with Iggly. It's often related to developmental leaps too (there's a big one around this time) so it can improve suddenly on its own.

Carrying her in a sling on your back may help if she's wanting cuddles but you need to attend to your other DC.

Moufiesmum · 08/12/2011 03:49

Great news that things are better today. Fingers crossed that it stays that way and you get a much deserved good nights sleep

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