anyone read 'The Aware Baby' by Aletha Solter

[paranoid2android]

I've been following the books advice with my DD (13 weeks) and just wondered if there were other mums who had read the book, and wondered what they think of it?
I have been letting my DD cry in my arms to release tension, rather than doing things to repress the crying such as rocking moving about etc etc. but as with any parenting theory, how can I be sure I am doing the right thing? It seems to help DD sleep, and she does seem very peaceful after crying. Part of me thinks it's right to let her cry, and another part thinks that it's a bit cruel! Would love to hear thoughts from anyone who's read this book.

i've read it and it actually really helped me understand that crying is a natural human emotion, and a baby's tears are nothing to be afraid of, or something that you have to fix.

I think that people feel that crying is naughty or attention seeking, something to be stopped, when actually it is ok, and very necessary to cry somethimes. What i also thought was interesting about this book, is that she also suggests laughter as a way of releasing emotion, which is something that will come as your dd gets a bit older.

better out than in I say. SOmebody once told me that depression is suppressed anger, i don't know if that is true or not, but it has helped me not to feel respsonsible or frightened of my dc's emotions, especially negative ones.

if i were you i would carry on as you are. she's also written another book called I think 'the aware child'. Like all childcare books, take from it what you want, and leave what you don't. Above all trust your own instincts.

congratulations

I haven't read any parenting books but I never let DS cry it out at such a tiny age (albeit by holding him) without trying to soothe him. Always worked! Babies get tense for a reason. How long do you let her cry for? Seems pretty cruel to me. Why not just follow what YOU think is right?

sh77 it's the opposite of cry it out. it's allowing them to cry. you don't let them cry alone. it's about accepting their need to cry. you can soothe them if you want, you're just not denying them that need, or feeling respsonsible for it.

Not read the book but I've read some web stuff on it.

I'd probably only use that approach for unexplained crying. eg if DS was crying with tiredness I'd rock him/feed him to sleep, rather than let him cry. But if I couldn't work out what the matter was, I'd hold him and let him cry.

OTOH we had some long crying spells in the evening when I was trying to get him to sleep (around 4 or 5 months IIRC) and with hindsight, what he actually wanted then was for me to Put Him Down And Stop Bothering Him Please. I didn't realise it at the time. Poor boy.

Hi Basking seals, thanks for your reassurance, part of me instinctively feels this is right, (and another part of me thinks, that we should always try to soothe and stop the cry,) these two parts of me, are having a bit of a battle at the moment and i just want to make sure I'm doing the right thing.
she seems so peaceful after having a good cry, and as she drifts off to sleep she often has her eyes half open smiling at me! This does seem to suggest that she is releasing tensions and once she has done that she is in a much peaceful mood. I've been doing baby massage with her and noticed that often after a session she has a good cry too. Can't be cos she doesn't like massage because at the time, she seems to love it, the crying always comes later.
sh77 - yes it's not cry it out, it is kind of the opposite, the book says, that doing things to 'soothe' our baby, are actually ways to repress their cries, so that they store up tension and frustration instead of letting out.
The tears are a babies way of letting go of tension, that may have built up during the day, due to stimulation at the newness of everything. ANd the theory goes that if you always try to stop the cries, they will just have more and more tension, and be taught to repress it, leading to a lot of repressed anger and frustration when they are older.
Have just been reading how tears have stress hormones in them, allowing them to release them and be less stressed. -- But it ONLY leads to a reduction in stress, if they cry in presense of another NOT if they were crying it out alone in their cot, would NEVER do that whatever the age!
Angels-- yes, it's definitly only a method for undexplained crying but I would not put her down while she's crying, I just hold her, so she feels safe knowing I'm there.

I found that book really useful. I don't follow it to the letter but it's definitely changed the way I parent and think about crying that doesn't have a clear cause. There's a Yahoo group which has some useful stuff in the archives. My DS is definitely a very happy baby now (and a good sleeper!) whereas before he wasn't.

that's good that the book helps, I definitly need something to help DD wind down at the end of the day, massage helps or crying.
Thanks for telling me about the yahoo group, just checked it out and will have a look through the archives, shame it's not still very active, it's nice to hear what like-minded mums have got to say