How not to give in to a 19 month old's tantrums?

[LeoTheLateBloomer]

DD has developed a frightening addiction to Charlie and Lola. All I did was let her watch a few episodes on you tube and now she's hooked. This morning she basically screamed until I put it on, then screamed when each episode was finished until I played another one.

Now I agree that sometimes it's useful to let her watch it if I need to get on with something (she's not interested in normal tv) but there's no way I want her to think that she'll have Charlie and Lola whenever she wants.

Distraction rarely works unless we physically leave the house (which wasn't going to happen this morning as we were both in our pyjamas. Getting dressed was not fun).

It's not just Charlie and Lola. She'll also demand milk or snacks when it's the wrong time. I know that this is part of having a toddler but I'd really love some advice on how to deal with it without letting her rule the roost. I try to explain before the end of an episode that when it's finished we'll have to say goodbye to Lola and go and get dressed etc, but she's too young to really get it.

Any suggestions?

For us it's Justin's House! To be honest, when my DD hits the meltdown switch, I have to make sure that I am more stubborn than she is. I don't mean that to sound glib, but if you stand your ground and don't give in, toddlers do tend to give in.

DD would have been about the same age when she started her real humdinger paddy's, if it was about the end of a tv programme - the tv went off and only went on again once I said it would. If it was about wanting her lunch 12 minutes after finishing her breakfast, then she would be told, no - not yet. If screaming ensues I'd just ignore her.

It is harder to do, obviously. But once she realised that if Mummy said "No" in her very serious voice, then it meant "No" and she wasn;t getting her own way. You'll have situations where she will have a melt down, but they wont last as long.

It's horrid to hear your child scream, especially when you're in a public place. But you have to not give in and ignore any staring from other people. In the long run, you are doing what's right for her and she'll grow into a better person.

Don't give in to her, basically. If you are saying no repeatedly & then giving in for a quiet life (& believe me we've all done it!) she knows that screaming works.

When you start an episode of C&L you say very firmly
"Just one" then when it's done, "bye bye C &L see you tomorrow"
if she gets down quietly then praise lots & take her off to do something interesting you have lined up (baking/colouring/splashing in puddles)

If she kicks off put her some where safe where you can see her (rug on the floor was my favourite) but ignore & start doing something else.
Her natural nosiness will prevail, they HATE being ignored!! I would add don't let her watch anytihng when she's tired as the threshold for kicking off will be much lower & you'll be setting her up to fail!

With the snacks thing be a bit flexible but again be firm. Offer water if its nearly lunchtime or just after breakfast & distract with another activity. She may scream at first but start pretending to colour or playing with her toys with lots of running commentary & she'll stop in case you are having fun without her!

Not a failsafe but worth a try, remember YOU are in charge, good luck!

Forgot - the explaining before the end of each episode is good - even if she doesn;t get it now, she will understand as you do it more and she develops more.

Also the distracting. Have you tried holding her on your lap and talking to her calmly, explaining why she can't have what she wants and that you're going to do X,Y,Z today. Even if she is in full tantrum, she may calm at your voice and the firm grip you have on her.

Sorry this is a bit random, but it works with mine!

Strangely enough, telling my DS that Timmy or whatever was going to bed and therefore couldn't be watched any further seemed to work. As in 'Sorry darling, Timmy's got to go to bed, night night Timmy...switch off TV'. Whatever time of day it was!

Thank you for all the advice

We had a miracle moment yesterday when I'd been warning her that her supper was nearly ready and she happily came to the table when Lola was finished. I already do the "Lola's tired, she has to go to bed now" and wave goodbye to the computer which she does seem to get sometimes.

She's asking for Lola now and I have promised that she can watch it once I've checked my emails etc so I'd better keep my promise. Just the 1 episode though!

Thanks again!

Glad it isn't just us... DD has developed a Pingu obsession and starts screeching if I switch it off. From someone who didn't watch much TV she's turned into an addict overnight!

I tend to do the 'Just one' and 'Pingu's finished now' approach; what worked well this morning was responding to each cry of "PINGUUUU!" with "No, book." After about four repetitions she stopped screeching and said "OK, book" and trotted off to get one. More work for me to read a book while attempting to eat breakfast, but it worked, sort of.

I always try to keep to an 'eat when you're hungry, stop when you're full' thing when it comes to food though - if she asks for a snack or milk (i.e. asks rather than has a screaming fit - screaming fits get a 'Only if you ask nicely and say please') I'll assume she's hungry and give her something healthy. If she's demanding a biscuit I know she isn't really hungry!

I found the best thing to do was to stay calm, to crouch down and just acknowledge that they were upset and say that it was okay to be upset sometimes, and then just help them calm down, and distract with something else.

1. try and distract
2. talk to them in an adult way and calmly explain your point
3. hold your ground for longer than they can!

they will soon get the message!

good luck!!!!

SometimesI'm afraid you just have to suffer the screaming. My wee girl once screamed for nearly three hours because I wouldn't let her wear a particular pair of tights (they were wet on the line). I just sat with my little boy and 'ignored' her.

It was extremely difficult and wasn't a good day for any of us but she learned that if Mummy says 'no' then she means it.

We give DD a "choice". We say you can put your toy away now (or whatever else it is) or in one minute (she always says one minute!) but then she quite happily does what she's asked when we say the minute is up. She does what we want her to do, but she's happy to do it as she thinks she has some control!