tantrums and hair pulling

[nidan]

My DD has started recently (she's 22 months) having MEGA tantrums - 1.5-2hours in some cases. They are awful. Words cannot describe how bad they are. The big problem is that she pulls her own hair own in frustration so I find it very hard to leave her to get on with it by going into a different room.

Also sometimes she's having tantrums about wanting Daddy or him putting her down. Surely at the end of the tantrum my DH giving her a hug is enforcing the tantrum as that's what she wanted in the first place?! She does often have a tantrum when both my DH and I are together with her at the weekend. I work 3 1/2 days, 30 hours and DH full time.

Can anyone please give me any advice on how to deal with them? Also, is it ok to try to comfort her when she asks for a cuddle but is still in the middle of a tantrum?

My ds2 was an absolute sod. His tantrums were over the tiniest things and last for hours. I bought the book, Raising a Spirited Child. It was so helpful, reassuring and easy to understand. It really helped me, because to be honest I was at the point where I was going to drive him to Tescos car park and leave him there!
My dss are worse when we are both there.
I usually let them finish the tantrum then have the cuddle. Try to ignore the tantrum. Obviously make sure that dd is safe. Don't look, don't say anything. Carry on as normal, during and when she has finished, make no reference to it. My ds2 is a colossal attention seeker. When he was 3 I asked him to put his coat on (he could do it.) Rather than do it, he shouted no! I ignored him and put the stuff in the car boot. He watched me from the door, then I saw him put his arm in the sleeve, look at me, take it out and fall out of the door and land on his head on the floor. He said he did it to prove to me that he couldn't put his coat on. He didn't do it again as he landed on the concrete. I comforted him.