4 yr old ds and playfighting

[hokeycakey]

Hi all

Looking fOr some advice really

My ds is 4 has always been a polite and gentle boy but since he hit 4 things seem to have changed, he has 2 very close friends that we see a lot, recently the only play they engage in together is wrestling or rolling around on the floor pushing each other etc, on the whole they seem to be enjoying it but it always ends up with someone crying and getting hurt

In a home/park situation this might be ok but they have started bundling each other on the way back from nursery, at social occasions eg the Christmas fair, light switch on etc. I feel as though I have become the person with "that kid" and their flailing arms and legs kicking out are going to hurt someone

We have had serious chats, gone straight home instead of playing, taken away priveliges etc, I guess my question is should I be punishing this behaviour or just riding it out? Dh thinks I am overreacting and that it's just what boys need to do, it all seems quite foreign to me!

As an aside, he only does it with these 2 boys, he will play quite calmly with other children as will the other boys

My (very soon to be 4) DS has been a very dominant character amongst his friends for a couple of years however over the last few weeks has almost specifically made his only little boy friend the target of some unpleasant pushing/hitting & verbal abuse ('your not my best friend', 'go away, I don't like you' etc). This culminated last week in his mum getting very upset at the latest incident and basically calling my DS a bully. Needless to say I have been distraught for last couple if days as in many other situations I thought his behaviour had been getting better. DH and I have discussed and we are going for absolute zero tolerance on any anti social behaviour now, towards us, his DS, his friends etc this will involve losing treats (no sweets/biscuits will hurt him) and not getting to play with another girl friend who he adores. I am also going to start a reward chart this week building up to a small present on weekend if his behaviour has met an acceptable standard, otherwise it all feels a bit negative. I am under no illusion that we are going to stick with it for the long haul for it to become a behaviour change but I couldn't bear it if he started school and became the class bully, he has so many kind and brilliant qualities.

My nearly 4 year old has started really getting into the wrestling/playfighting thing with some of his friends recently as well. My initial reaction was that I felt uneasy about it, but actually, they really seem to be enjoying it (although it does usually end up with someone crying eventually ). I think it's a pretty normal part of play for a lot of children, but as Cherrypie says, if you feel it's actually pretty unpleasant, or one friend is being targetted or verbal abuse is being incorporated into it, then you have to intervene. I don't think playfighting is a bad thing for kids to do though. Maybe you could try distracting the boys when they start doing it, or setting up some kind of play activity so they don't resort to the physical stuff straight away? But generally, I wouldn't fret too much about it . I have to say, after a really 'girly' gentle dd, it's been a bit of a shock to have a fairly physical ds - I really don't subscribe to the 'girls are arty and gentle and boys are roughty-toughty' but it just so happens my dc do conform to those stereotypes!!

Cherry pie thanks for sharing, sounds as though things are tough for you at the moment and bully is such a horrible word, really hope things get better sounds as though you are doing all the right things!

Peggotty you hit the nail on the head uneasy is exactly the word for my feelings, luckily I am close friends with the other boys mums and we tend to chat to each other about how to handle things, glad I am not alone but will try to chill out a bit!

Welcome to boys! People will have it there is no difference -but there is-boys wrestle for fun or if at a loose end. I found it irritating so just went in a different room and left them to it. Eventually they grow out of it. Watch bear cubs or tiger cubs etc-they do it all the time and boys are the same!

Ok thanks for the advice! I completely agree really think I just needed to know its ok to leave them to it!

I have also read that boys have a testosterone surge at 4, which I certainly noticed with my boys.