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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Possibly very pfb question about playing with toys

18 replies

Moulesfrites · 04/12/2011 09:11

My mil was visiting yesterday and when she was playing with ds it struck me that we have quite different approaches. I tend to just let ds, who is 10 mo, explore the toys himself, for example, he has some start shaped stacking cups, and he bangs them together, puts things in them, puts one inside the other etc. but yesterday mil was trying to teach him explicitly how to stack them up, as if that was their proper use, and he was just " messing about" with them. Should I be trying to instruct my ds more how to actually use his toys? Is my approach wrong?

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Original poster

Moulesfrites · 04/12/2011 09:11

star shaped

OP posts:

Bellie · 04/12/2011 09:18

I'm of the firm belief that the children should be allowed to 'explore' toys by themselves. I never used to show mine what a toy was used for when they first opened it - they would work it out for themselves, or find an alternative used for them. At the moment ds is currently using the pop up ball pool as a turtle shell and walking round the room with it, whilst dd is using her twirling baton as a dog bone for her toy dog.!

Bellie · 04/12/2011 09:19

oh and my MIL does exactly the same, and it drives me and the kids mad. They are now (luckily) at an age when they tell her that she is interfering in their games and they dont want to play the way that she say is the 'right' way!

Mum1369 · 04/12/2011 09:21

It always amuses me when parents/ in laws, draw their pictures for them!

PontyMython · 04/12/2011 09:22

What Bellie said.

My DS is having some speech therapy group sessions, and we have been explicitly told to let him lead the way, and comment on what he's doing.

That's not to say we can't show him the 'proper' way, but that should not be the main focus - he is exploring, he's not a little robot!

civilfawlty · 04/12/2011 09:22

There is no 'right' way. Of course she is being nuts.

You wait til they're not allowed to mix sylvanians and Lego, for example. Drives me spate!

Besom · 04/12/2011 09:27

Well I was reading a very pfbish book which suggested your approach is best for encouraging creativity.

Bumpsadaisie · 04/12/2011 09:28

I think children encounter a variety of approaches from the adults in their life - from playing to discipline. It must do them good to learn that everyone goes about things in their own way.

gamerwidow · 04/12/2011 09:44

I don't think there is a right way or a wrong way as ling as you are interacting and talking to your child. FWIW I do the same as you and let DD, 16 months, play with her toys however she wants but my DM does the same as your MIL and directs the play. DD seems to enjoy both and I think shes gets something out of both methods.

gamerwidow · 04/12/2011 09:45

*as long

lljkk · 04/12/2011 09:46

I don't see anything wrong with either approach; sometimes you leave them to it, sometimes you try to show them. Both are fine.

Original poster

Moulesfrites · 04/12/2011 10:01

Ok this is helpful thank you!

OP posts:

Eglu · 04/12/2011 17:42

I would stack up cups for my dc to knock the down rather than to show what needs to be done with them.

But having just read another thread about your mil I can see why you have asked.

lisylisylou · 04/12/2011 18:14

I like my mil and quite categorically she is my best friend but little things used to niggle me like the toy thing you describe. She used to say I'm not picking up the baby otherwise it will spoil it!! Now my kids are 7 and 6 and she will sit there at the table banging on about being on a diet, how she eats so healthily but she always eats from their plates!! What is that about??

Firawla · 04/12/2011 23:09

I don't know if its a generation thing as my mum also does this like over supervises with the toys rather than letting them just get on with it, and mil has told them they are playing with some toys wrong cos they don't do it in her way.
It's good to have a balance of letting them get on with it, letting them direct the play together with you, and also showing them some ideas and suggestions yourself. i wouldn't worry about it too much

JollySergeantJackrum · 04/12/2011 23:16

I've been worrying about this recently (pfb too) as my mum seems to be so hands on talking to 7 month old DS all the time about what he's up to. I think I'm maybe slightly too removed so have resolved to play more (talking about colours, noises etc) but still let him do his own thing when he wants to.

cookingfat · 05/12/2011 18:49

I worry about this too with 10mo DD. She's more than happy to play alone with toys (staking cups, rattles) and digs through her toybox to choose what to play with next. I leave her to it, but do feel really guilty that I'm not stimulating her enough - will do what jolly recommends above!

hardboiledpossum · 05/12/2011 20:19

I do both. I like joining in and playing with him and talking to him about the toys, i know he doesn't understand what I'm saying but he seems to like hearing me talk. I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I didn't sometimes join in, there is only so much housework to do!

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