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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Co sleeping

20 replies

ffried · 03/12/2011 20:35

I have a new six week old baby, is it awful that I have co slept with him for the last few weeks, we both more or less sleep through! If he wakes I just breast feed and we go back to sleep or sometimes I give a bottle but really just feed him! Feeling a bit weird about it with my daughter who is now three I was exhausted it was mad up and down all night changing nappies didn't know if I was coming or going, which is more normal?!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

CotherMuckingFunticalChristmas · 03/12/2011 20:36

Whatever works for you is best for you

RitaMorgan · 03/12/2011 20:39

Both is normal. I'd have been too tired not to co-sleep with ds though!

Just make sure you co-sleep safely.

smearedinfood · 03/12/2011 21:07

The book Three in a Bed may make you feel loads better about your decision. It was never my intention pre baby but now I wouldn't do it any other way....

Pozzled · 03/12/2011 21:16

I've had the same experience, wouldn't have dared to co-sleep with my 3 year-old but just fell into the habit with DD2. I'm much less tired, and would definitely do it again.

WoTmania · 03/12/2011 22:03

unicef safe-cosleeping guidlines

I coslept out of sheer desperation in the end with DS1 (I'd wanted to but DH worried) as I was hallucinating with tiredness. DS2 and DD I coslept from the beginning and life was so much easier as the just latched themsleves on and we all got more sleep.

ladykay · 03/12/2011 22:10

Same here - I was up and down, in and out with my DS1, got about 3 - 4 hours broken sleep a night and I was working. Don't know how I didn't kill someone. I remember having a no co-sleeping rule with DS1 but finally 'broke', lay him down and snuggled up....and he was having NONE of it. So sleep deprivation ruled. With DD1 I snuggled down much earlier and I have always got more like 7 - 8 (obv. broken) hours sleep, I am in heaven. Don't see how anything else would be possible with two kids. I nodded off giving DS1 a bath once. I think that says it all.

RhinestoneCowgirl · 03/12/2011 22:18

We held off co-sleeping with 1st DC for about a year, then gave in. 2nd DC was in with us from birth. It was purely a survival measure...

ladykay · 03/12/2011 22:19

Oh should add it's not technically co-sleeping - her cot is next to our bed, but if she feeds and goes back to 'zonk' sleep, she goes back in her cot, but if she cat-a-wawls after being put down, I just cuddle up and then she sleeps with us until I next wake up when I pop her back in her cot. So she's getting 50% sleep training and I'm getting 80% sleep!

Original poster

ffried · 03/12/2011 23:05

Thanks guys, thing is when should I stop? I want to be the kind that puts baby down to sleep awake so he can sooth himself put himself to sleep, when is it time to put him in his bed and do things properly?

OP posts:

RitaMorgan · 03/12/2011 23:12

Do what works now, when it stops working do something different.

AnnieVXR · 04/12/2011 09:19

When DS began teething we first dosed him up on calpol but after weeks we realised something had to change. I was pregnant again and working so needed my sleep, result, he came in with us and no more calpol was needed. Now DS2 is here, he sleeps in the nursery and DS1 still is in with us. Is this wrong?
DS2 is 6 months and still not sleeping through, so getting in a bit of a fluster that I'm being a bad parent.

Original poster

ffried · 04/12/2011 11:47

Think your first son needs to be in his room, your not a bad parent though like me just trying to get through each day and night with a smile! Xx

OP posts:

ladykay · 05/12/2011 22:32

My DD slept completely on me until I 'felt' ready to try putting her down - I have no idea when this was, maybe a couple of months. And if she woke and cried I'd pick her up again and we'd both go back to sleep and I'd try again the next time I wanted. It was very interesting seeing her progression in accepting this - there will be a 'try' when she just stays asleep. Obviously she still wakes several times but I can see her pattern getting better all the time. So yes, just go with what you feel, but don't be afraid to push it as you can always take a step back and then try again.

Pozzled · 05/12/2011 22:59

I wouldn't put yourself under too much pressure to change things, do it when it seems right to you. With DD2, I started getting anxious when she started rolling and moving- I wasn't happy leaving her on the bed before DH and I went to bed. So now she starts the night in her cot, which hasn't been too easy but not too bad either. She still comes into our bed once she wakes for the first feed, but I'm hoping that she'll gradually stay in the cot for longer.

Kiwiinkits · 06/12/2011 00:52

ffried if you are sincere about wanting your baby to learn to settle on his own, in his own bed, then I would begin the transition to his own bed about now. He will start forming habits from 6-9 weeks of age, i.e. about now. Why not try putting him in his own bed/moses basket for daytime naps at first, then see how you go. Are you using swaddling? A dummy? Both these things can really help.
I do believe that what you do now with your baby will set up patterns of dependency for the future. Not a popular view on MN, but a view shared by most baby experts/ baby books. I don't know of any couples who continued co-sleeping with their baby who 'weaned' the baby off co-sleeping easily. If you don't want to have your baby in your bed, then now's a good time to put in place the patterns you DO want to establish.

Kiwiinkits · 06/12/2011 00:54

Disclaimer: I know it's hard when you have a new baby and the last thing you want to hear is some know-it-all telling you to do things differently. But sometimes 'home truths' can really help in the long term and it is easier to hear it from a stranger than someone closer to home.

WoTmania · 06/12/2011 08:12

Kiwi - I'm going to bite. I know many couples who have coslept and got their babies successfully intot their own beds. However this has uually been child led and easy (I've done it too. They get to a point when their bed is more apealing than the parental bed).
I've also known a number of mothers who started out by colseeping to maximise sleep and then moved their baby into their own cot at around 6 months. It can definitely be done.

PrettyCandlesAndTinselToo · 06/12/2011 08:16

The way you did it with your first dc is probably more common, but the way you're doing it with your second is probably more natural. I co-slept a bit more with each of my dc, not even building the cot for dc3 until he was about 4m old, and even then co-sleeping on-and-off until he was over a year.

Whatever works. Enjoy

Original poster

ffried · 07/12/2011 21:44

Thank u so much, going to plod along co sleeping for a bit because I am getting sleep problem is I have a three year old and if he is in his bed settling himself crying a bit she'll wake up! Now what to do?

OP posts:

BertieBotts · 07/12/2011 21:48

Feeding her is likely to get her straight back off to sleep - in fact my 3 year old tells me that breastfeeding blocks out all other sound, which did seem to be true for firework noises!

I think if you want an easy transition later a bedside cot/sidecar cot is the best way, most cots are able to be converted and it's quite easy to do.

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